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sandisong
Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2
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One Last Time
Let me lay my head between your legs
One last lovely time.
Let me feel your roughness against my cheek,
My nose, my tongue.
One last hungry time.
Let me run my hands over your hips, your waist, your breasts.
One last fucking time before you leave.
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Tue May 15, 2007 4:21 am |
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Cavewoman
Joined: 06 Sep 2005
Posts: 2056
Location: nearby
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"one last fucking time"
cool line.... lousey moment... but yeah, been there......................... _________________ " The sorcerers in life are created within each of us" --- Lynn V. Andrews
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Tue May 15, 2007 8:07 am |
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sandisong
Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2
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Thanks for the encouragement. I've never written poetry before but your comments make me want to try.
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Wed May 16, 2007 2:55 am |
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desert-fish
Joined: 13 Apr 2006
Posts: 2777
Location: deleted
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quote:
Originally posted by sandisong:
Thanks for the encouragement. I've never written poetry before but your comments make me want to try.
Not bad at all considering you've never written poetry before!
lol...you should've seen my first attempt! I cringe...
you keep going girl...
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Mon Jul 09, 2007 6:51 am |
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Rose
Joined: 02 Aug 2007
Posts: 3
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This is great though it's definitely screaming for a regular 5-beat ... that would be on the way to iambic pentameter which would also need 10 syllables per line but i wouldn't focus on that yet .. rhythm is what would make this shine!
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Thu Aug 02, 2007 3:04 pm |
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