Joined: 17 Mar 2006
Posts: 5
Location: St. Louis, MO
Out and Awkward...anyone have this occur?
Hi there.
I have come out to myself (which was a job in itself) and now have come out to all my friends. I should feel free and joyful...but I feel ...awkward. I have been in the closet since I was 12 and coming out at almost 26 feels....strange. I am not sure how to finally start living my life freely. I feel weird when my friends bring it up or ask me if I am interested in anyone. For so long I've held onto my "secret" like it was a security blanket and now I feel that I've let it out...I have no where to go to be alone and work this out on my own. Am I weird?
Wed Feb 02, 2011 7:29 pm
MysteryGirl Moderators
Joined: 02 Jun 2007
Posts: 3419
Location: I come from a land downunder
No Beauty, of course you aren't weird. It's a very hard thing to have lived all your life a certain way, and now, feel expected to live it differently. Firstly, let me remind you that the core of who you are hasn't changed - your likes and dislikes, your sense of humor, your occupation, your political or religious view whatever they may be - it's all the same, you are just finally admitting to your sexual preference, which although important, is still only a very small part of who you are.
Personally, as a woman coming out VERY late in life, I kind of did everything back the front LOL. Fell in love, left my home and family and went to live with her in another country for a year where we lived a very quiet and essential 'not out' life in a small town. When I eventually had to return to my hometown, like you, I felt totally bewildered as I just didn't know HOW I was supposed to live now as a gay woman. What I did do was contact the Gay & Lesbian Counselling Services in our town. Im sure there is such an organisation where you live, you can do it anonyously if you wish. THey provided me details of a lot of activities that were available and initially I did a course for women in my position ie just coming out. Through this I met a wonderful group of friends and have since become involved in lesbian outdoor activity groups, where I have met even more great people. There is absolutely no need to go to bars/clubs etc if that is not your scene, although its fun to do once in a while when you find company to go with you.
It doesnt mean I spend all my time with these people, I still see my old friends on a regular basis. If you feel uncomfortable with friends/workmates asking you if you are interested in anyone, all you need to say is something like ....This is all very new to me too and I just need some time and space to get used to it too....Also look at the positive side that they are interested without being judgmental.
It will take time but with each small step you make into the gay community you will feel more comfortable in yourself.
HugZ, MG _________________ Be yourself.............everybody else is taken!
Thu Feb 03, 2011 12:18 am
Xalia1 Moderators
Joined: 05 May 2004
Posts: 3702
Location: In love
Beauty,
Hi! Its good that you came out to yourself & your friends...the rest should be easy, but it isn't usually. I know when I 'came out' everyone was really supportive (for the most part) and wanted to understand and all that...but all I wanted was to belong, and I didn't feel like I did. I think that is because I didn't know where to go to meet people that actually DID understand. Not just other gay people, but people that knew about it.
I got involved with organizations and different groups around my area, went to the gay bars, and a couple pride fests...and it worked lol
I don't know if this helped you at all...but it was worth a shot!
This is a great place to be able to come and get the understanding & support you need. I've never found a more encouraging atmosphere
We're here if ya need us.
Hella Hugs,
Xalia _________________ Nobody said life would be easy...They just promised it would be worth it.
~♥♥~
~The words fail me.. because what I feel for you is beyond description...~
Thu Feb 03, 2011 1:32 am
Radiant Spectrum
Joined: 27 Jun 2010
Posts: 11
I think it's very important to find other gay people to be around. Once you are around others of your own kind, you realize that you are normal. I'm not talking about gay bars necessarily, although that is one possible way to meet people. Having friends that truly understand you helps SO much in realizing that you are just like them and vice versa. Try to hook up with any orgnaizations in your area like PFLAG if you have it.
I was closeted for a long time too, but now I'm out and proud and I'm a different person, but everyone takes it at their own pace.
Give yourself time.
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