Just new. Still in the closet. Been married for 13 years, finally told my husband 2 weeks ago. He's been great, my best friend. Said he always knew, was waiting for me to come out with it. When I asked him what gave me away he smiled and just said 'So many things'. It freaked me out, thought I was being so carefull. It's been very very weird to finally say it out loud after all these years of trying to shut it all down and pretend it will all go away if I just tried hard enough. Since I've told him it's like the floodgates have opened and I'm trying to find a balance. So, here I am, nervous as hell. Never been on a forum before, just want to talk.
Thu Jul 30, 2009 10:07 pm
MysteryGirl Moderators
Joined: 02 Jun 2007
Posts: 3419
Location: I come from a land downunder
Clero, When I first stumbled into Mels a little over 2 years ago, I was in EXACTLY your situation only in my case I had been married 30+ years! One of the first things that someone said to me, I am going to 'pay forward' ...............You Are Not Alone.............So welcome, please feel free to ask questions, make posts, come into Chat or just look thru some of the back posts, try the Coming Out section especially.
Take some deep breaths and settle in. Plus if you need ot talk I am only a PM away.
HugZ, Noni _________________ Be yourself.............everybody else is taken!
Thu Jul 30, 2009 10:22 pm
pharos
Joined: 21 Jun 2009
Posts: 583
Location: Australia
Welcome to Mel's, Clero. I'm sure you will love this place and you'll make some great friends.
Pharos
Thu Jul 30, 2009 10:47 pm
Clero
Joined: 29 Jul 2009
Posts: 8
Thanks
Hi Noni, Thanks - Shaking over here. Plan to take it easy. Had a look at some of the posts. So many people in the same position -WOW, what a relief, thought it was only me. Silly I know...
Thu Jul 30, 2009 11:13 pm
Dark prism
Joined: 10 Dec 2006
Posts: 865
Location: California Dreamin, baby.
LOTS of women in your position.
Society teaches (brainwashes) us to be straight. Straight is normal. Everybody wants to be normal, right? We are raised thinking only one way. So many of us automatically hide, push down, and deny those feelings that we feel from a very young age because we know it isn't 'right'. I knew at 9 years old that I could not voice the feelings I was having for women. I didn't know what it was. Just thought there was something a little bit weird about me, but immediately knew it was 'wrong'.. (Turns out there is ALOT weird about me, but that's another story- lol) I had no role models. Nobody was gay when I was growing up, or at least nobody admitted it.
There are alot of women that just go along with what society tells them is right and what they want. Get married, pop out some kids. Stuff down these feelings you are having and do what's right. Then when they can't stand it anymore, they come out later in life. I can't tell you how many stories just like that I have heard on this board and from my friends.
I applaud your husband for being supportive. You are lucky in that regard.
You have found the right place, and as Noni says, you are not alone.
Welcome to Mels, Clero.
Dp _________________ "Fighting for this girl - on the battlefield of love."
Fri Jul 31, 2009 7:09 am
Eilidh Moderators
Joined: 09 Apr 2005
Posts: 1880
Welcome, Clero!
Feel free to take it easy. There's no need to rush. When you do feel those flood gates open again, there are plenty of women around here to listen to your stories and try to answer your questions.
Hugs,
Eilidh
Fri Jul 31, 2009 9:56 am
storybellz
Joined: 15 Dec 2006
Posts: 241
Location: U.S.A
I too, would like to welcome you here! I am so happy for you, that you found this place, and that your 1st experiance with a forum is with such a good one! I remember when i first found this site, it was like hhitting the jackpot! There is such a wealth of wamth and wisdom contained in so many of these posts, i'll warn you, once you start reading them, it'll be hard to stop!
And, as someone has already said, the "Coming Out" section of this site is very helpful. And, who knows, maybe you'll be posting your own experiance there, before long!
Thu Aug 06, 2009 6:37 am
Clero
Joined: 29 Jul 2009
Posts: 8
Thanks everyone
Hi Again
Thanks for the warm welcomes It's been a very strange/exciting and somewhat stressfull week. Been a week of deep truths and revelations. My husband said to me the other night I have been such a different person, so much happier and outgoing ext. since I told him that he wished I had done it years ago, for both our sakes - irrespective of where this may lead eventially. He keeps saying 'Where have you been all there years? Why were you hiding, You are much better like this' - ironic I know. Aparently he kept thinking all this time 'Why can't she just be happy?'. I tried, I have so much to be thankfull for but the more I suppressed what I really wanted the edgier I became, the more withdrawn/sad. I was trying so hard to 'do the right things' that most of the time I was pretending, trying to be someone else. What a misery... He was the one who encouraged me to see if I could find a good forum, somewhere I could talk to other women 'more like me'. How strage. Like I said, he's my best friend.
If anybody is wondering how I got into this place to start with lets just say, 'Hiper conservitive community, deep Christian background' - if there was anyone in our entire district who was gay they would have hidden it for dear live - not kidding.
Ps - excuse the spelling mistakes please
Fri Aug 07, 2009 8:32 pm
MysteryGirl Moderators
Joined: 02 Jun 2007
Posts: 3419
Location: I come from a land downunder
Clero, I'm glad to hear how things have been going for you, the lifting of a huge weight, yes? Just remember, there is no hurry to 'do' anything with these new feelings of yours, just absorb them, let them settle, you've had many years of pushing them away.
Take care of you
HugZ, Noni _________________ Be yourself.............everybody else is taken!
Fri Aug 07, 2009 11:10 pm
storybellz
Joined: 15 Dec 2006
Posts: 241
Location: U.S.A
Cleo, your story is an inspation! I am so glad things are going in a positive direction for you! And, i'm so glad you joined!
And, Noni, i know this is a little of a tangent here, but i just gotta say i love the advice you give! It is always so conforting, and even though this is only a forum, and your words are only typed text, there is a nurturing quality that comes through, as though it were your voice. I imagine people go to you for hugs a lot!
Sat Aug 08, 2009 6:05 pm
Dark prism
Joined: 10 Dec 2006
Posts: 865
Location: California Dreamin, baby.
And let me tell you----that voice is very soothing, and sexy as hell!
I agree Noni, your responses are soothing and calming in their caring support. Thank you.
Dp _________________ "Fighting for this girl - on the battlefield of love."
Sat Aug 08, 2009 6:21 pm
Laurian
Joined: 19 Jan 2009
Posts: 174
Location: Belgium
Welcome Clero,
here you can share whatever you feel like sharing. No need to struggle with words. No need to worry how people will see you. Above all I hope this forum will give you the comfort of finally allowing you to be you and not who people want you to be.
I hope that it will bring you that peace.
Thu Aug 13, 2009 8:58 am
Clero
Joined: 29 Jul 2009
Posts: 8
Still thinking
Thanks again to everyone who said hi. Been doing a lot of reading/thinking this week. And yes watched a couple of really extroadinary movies online - some very beautifull/hopefull, others just plain depressing and sad, but hey that's live I suppose.
Been talking for hours with my husband, about where he's at, about what's happinging for me, how I'm feeling, the things we are afraid off. What might happen if I fell in love with a woman. Very serious stuff, the kind of conversation that leaves you utterly drained and yet also lighter. We have always had deep affection and great respect for each other, if he was not the kind of man he is I could never have married in the first place, butch/alphamale men scare the hell out of me.
Thu Aug 13, 2009 10:49 pm
Angel1 Moderators
Joined: 09 Mar 2007
Posts: 1518
Location: U.K
Welcome to mels(((clero))))
Take your time sit back and relax,you'll soon find your feet i'm sure.Take care and i look forward to seeing you in the Chat Room.
with my love and respect
Angel x _________________ "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience.
We are spiritual beings having a human experience."
-Pierre Teilhard de Chardin (1881-1955)
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