You find out your 14 yr old nephew is smoking pot..do you tell his mom (your sister)?
yes
37%
[ 3 ]
no
62%
[ 5 ]
Total Votes : 8
Author
Thread
chordphrute
Joined: 04 Jul 2005
Posts: 1412
Location: Nouvelle Orléans, Louisiane
Say Your Nephew's on Drugs...
Ok...
Say you find out your 14 yr old nephew is smoking pot and wants to try shrooms... he feels comfortable enough to talk to you about this, and lots of other teenage things like girls, fights, etc ...
Do you tell your sister whom you're really close with and risk the close relationship with your nephew? Do you keep it secret unless something changes to make it important to tell her?
Pls share _________________ "You can't kiss and keep your eyes open, they'll cross forever" - Rubyfruit Jungle
Tue Jun 02, 2009 1:13 am
Hawaiian
Joined: 01 Dec 2005
Posts: 816
Location: Transplanted to Africa
Hi chord,
I actually voted No on your poll, but my personal answer would be that I would tell my own sister. I voted No, because I think that your nephew is the most important priority.
Research shows, and numerous anecdotes from my own life tell me, that if a kid has an great adult in which they confide their normal teenage struggles that they fair better in those struggles toward adulthood. Something in your post suggests that he doesn't tell his mother what he tells you. You may be his life-line when the problem is bigger than pot.
I would tell my own sister because I know her. Drugs, abuse, and addiction are not taboo subjects for us. She went to prison (largely because of drugs) so if I know, she knows.
I don't know your sister. There are so many different ways that she could react. She could react out of jealousy that you have a level of trust with her son that she doesn't. She could be completely reasonable on the other hand.
So a few questions for you:
Do you think your nephew has a problem at this point or is this a normal part of growing up? How's the kid otherwise? Does addiction run in his family?If so, maybe this a red flag about failure to cope and not teenage experimentation. How's his friends? Do you like them? How's your relationship with your sister? Is it strong enough to weather however this may turn out? Would she respect the trust you have with your nephew? Would she see withholding the information as a breech of trust between you two?
~Hawn _________________ 'A'a i ka hula, e waiho i ka hilahila i ka hale.
Dare to dance, leave your shyness at home.
Tue Jun 02, 2009 11:43 am
Cavewoman
Joined: 06 Sep 2005
Posts: 2056
Location: nearby
ditto what Hawn replied
and know from personal experience (being the favorite Aunt) that my neice and nephews' trust and willingness to converse/confide in me was a HUGE one up in my ability to help them through the teens .... and it worked ... i eventually included my sister in the all their truths .... and she was immediately able to pick up on the added benefit of having insider knowledge without the kids knowing and used it toward their betterment without blowing my cover .... now that those years have passed, that same batch of young adults has relayed my "insider" status to the next generation of my neice/nephews and the cycle has reinstated itself ... i remain the "cool Aunt" ..... hope that made sense
the first generation of neice/nephews have no drinking, drug, sexual negative issues ... am hoping for the same eventual batting average with this latest batch of 13/14/15 year olds ... time will tell _________________ " The sorcerers in life are created within each of us" --- Lynn V. Andrews
Tue Jun 02, 2009 11:54 am
chordphrute
Joined: 04 Jul 2005
Posts: 1412
Location: Nouvelle Orléans, Louisiane
quote:Originally posted by Hawaiian:
Hi chord,
I actually voted No on your poll, but my personal answer would be that I would tell my own sister. I voted No, because I think that your nephew is the most important priority.
Research shows, and numerous anecdotes from my own life tell me, that if a kid has an great adult in which they confide their normal teenage struggles that they fair better in those struggles toward adulthood. Something in your post suggests that he doesn't tell his mother what he tells you. You may be his life-line when the problem is bigger than pot.
I would tell my own sister because I know her. Drugs, abuse, and addiction are not taboo subjects for us. She went to prison (largely because of drugs) so if I know, she knows.
I don't know your sister. There are so many different ways that she could react. She could react out of jealousy that you have a level of trust with her son that she doesn't. She could be completely reasonable on the other hand.
So a few questions for you:
Do you think your nephew has a problem at this point or is this a normal part of growing up? How's the kid otherwise? Does addiction run in his family?If so, maybe this a red flag about failure to cope and not teenage experimentation. How's his friends? Do you like them? How's your relationship with your sister? Is it strong enough to weather however this may turn out? Would she respect the trust you have with your nephew? Would she see withholding the information as a breech of trust between you two?
~Hawn
hey Hawn,
thanks so much for your response! I absolutely agree with all that you've said and that was kind of my plan, but it's always nice to have others you respect agree with you on these matters.
I dont think my nephew has a problem at all - he did mention to me that he "wasnt doing it to get high. he was doing it for stress"...which, okay, for a second made me chuckle to myself thinking 'what possible stress' could the kid have?.. then i was thinking - which is better? If he's learning to cope with his issues with drugs, THATS not good..
No one's into drugs at all in our family - though my mother (his grandmother) is a raging alcoholic, and he can't stand her for it. Other than that, he's got good grades, is into sports, is in the ROTC program, and has a cute girlfriend... but he was telling me this kid wants to jump him over this girl, etc.... teenage issues I guess... they live in a VERY rural area in Massachusetts and so im certainly not worried about weapons or anything being used, but I dont want him fighting either...
and unfortunately, I live 2000 miles away from him in Louisiana.. so I dont know an awful lot about his friends or who he hangs with.
And yeah, I think my sister would be upset at me not telling her. On the other hand, Id rather my nephew have someone he thinks he can talk to about anything through his formative years and deal with my sister being mad at me if I have to. _________________ "You can't kiss and keep your eyes open, they'll cross forever" - Rubyfruit Jungle
Tue Jun 02, 2009 6:23 pm
chordphrute
Joined: 04 Jul 2005
Posts: 1412
Location: Nouvelle Orléans, Louisiane
quote:Originally posted by Cavewoman:
ditto what Hawn replied
and know from personal experience (being the favorite Aunt) that my neice and nephews' trust and willingness to converse/confide in me was a HUGE one up in my ability to help them through the teens .... and it worked ... i eventually included my sister in the all their truths .... and she was immediately able to pick up on the added benefit of having insider knowledge without the kids knowing and used it toward their betterment without blowing my cover .... now that those years have passed, that same batch of young adults has relayed my "insider" status to the next generation of my neice/nephews and the cycle has reinstated itself ... i remain the "cool Aunt" ..... hope that made sense
the first generation of neice/nephews have no drinking, drug, sexual negative issues ... am hoping for the same eventual batting average with this latest batch of 13/14/15 year olds ... time will tell
Thanks, Cave ... being 'the favorite' definitely has perks... not talking about for me, but for the kids. I always wished I had an adult to talk to so I'm really glad that my nephew feels he can chat with me and hope he passes it on to my other sister's kids like yours did... _________________ "You can't kiss and keep your eyes open, they'll cross forever" - Rubyfruit Jungle
Tue Jun 02, 2009 6:25 pm
Moonshine
Joined: 16 Jan 2008
Posts: 470
Hi chord, I voted to tell her.
It's OK if you can decide that you won't tell your sister what he told you. But what will happen if/when HE tells your sister that he has told you already? This actual situation hapened to a very close friend. Her sister felt the most appaling sense of betrayal... but that may not be your issue.
What you DO need to remember, though is that youre not the only one that might tell her that you were aware of all this right now.
Have you considered telling him that he has put you in a difficult situation over this and explain why and what the repercussions could be on you, not him, and that you would prefer if he told his mother? Perhaps you could offer to be with him when he tells her.
I dont believe it would be setting him a great example if you appeared to be accepting of the fact that he was doing drugs. Its not even his body I'm thinking about, simply his having a criminal record would preclude him from so much.
And if its no big issue for him, and he says its just for light relaxation, why do you think he was talking to you about it in the first place? The more I think of this, the more I'm inclined to suggest you get his own mother involved,
Moon _________________
For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return. --Leonardo da Vinci--
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