you probably remember my coming out story from about 3 months ago..
well, now it looks like i'll have to leave home because mom's pressuring me too much with religion and yesterday she wanted me to go to some catholic summer camp. i said i will not go because i'm in my training and i have a 12 week session that i have to complete. she got really upset and we started fighting, like my body and training is more important to me than "normal living". anyway, after i closed in my room, she and dad started fighting, and this morning my dad told me that i'd have to leave house if i don't accept to go, and that in that case he would go with me because there's no point in staying with mom who is pressuring him about me.
on top of everything my girfriend wants me to leave them. she says it is not my problem if they break up. it is my problem because they are my mum and dad!
now more than ever i want to die. not die, dissapear. without every trace that i ever been here. f** everything.
Thu May 28, 2009 8:28 am
PipSqueak
Joined: 04 Jul 2008
Posts: 987
Location: S.W. England
Hey Jezzie,
Don't disappear, your Dad and girlfriend love you and want to support you. You took a very brave step in coming out to your parents. Take some time to work out what you need, not what everyone else wants and follow it.
You cannot be responsible for how your parents handle things, they are adults and they too have to make their own choices based on their values.
Read around the boards, your mom's life has been knocked and she is taking time trying to work out how to fix it. It's tough for your dad to be caught in the middle but you could encourage him to recognise that you are an adult and for him to support your mum while she adapts.
We are here for you to shout, scream, cry, laugh, celebrate with. Go face the world and come back soon and let us know how it goes!!
Thu May 28, 2009 9:44 pm
GreenEyedKiss Moderators
Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Posts: 682
Location: Barony of the Angels in the Kingdom of Caid.
Beautifully said Purp....couldnt have said it better myself. I almost forgot how hard it was to be young and newly out...things will change . You will move on. Don't give up. _________________ "I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm getting it done." ~ADM
"What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others remains immortal"
Tue Jun 02, 2009 11:22 pm
DanceofSorrows
Joined: 29 Aug 2004
Posts: 2837
Jezzie,
I wish I could offer some "everything will be peachy in time" response but I can't. This is real and no one else will be in your shoes with your family or with the decisions you make. What is indicative by your posts is that your life has deep significance to your mom and dad and them to you ...and if that were not so there would not be this sense of crisis and emotion going on. Stay with me right there just for a moment. It seems no one knows how to handle this at the moment. And for that reason, the intensity is high. I do not think any of us know how to handle a new situation perfectly (even your parents) ... it takes time to process everything and work these things through. But it is usually never an over night process. If you can accept that for yourself, and accept it for others as well it will help.
Online can give some support. But I would encourage you to find mature friends in person who can support you face to face. But all of our opinions for what it is worth, are only that - a generalized uninformed opinion to the specifics of your life. You alone are the one to deal with the conscequences with any decision you make, we don't.
That being said, the same goes for your parents. They are adults. I would hope there is some way (like suggesting counseling) that will help all of you through it, at least to get the point of coping. Because all of you are dealing with this, but you are not responisble for how your parents deal with it. On the same hand, as an adult you live your own life and need to discover what that entails for yourself. Just remember to breath and take one day at a time. It is an intense time right now... give yourself some space and self nurture.
Dance~
Wed Jun 03, 2009 12:23 am
Dark prism
Joined: 10 Dec 2006
Posts: 865
Location: California Dreamin, baby.
Well said, Dance.
I've been wanting to respond and have been thinking about this but have been pretty busy lately, and I'm sorry.
Yes, what Dance said is true that they are tying their darndest right now to figure all this out. When you said that your dad loves you, that is true, but so does your mom. She just doesn't know the best way to deal with it right now, but if she didn't care, she wouldn't bother. She still wants what's best for you, but she has been taught that being gay is wrong. She needs to learn that there is nothing wrong with it, and the one thing that she really wants for you is to be happy, and being you is the only thing that will really make you happy, and you are gay, and that is what you have to be. (take it from someone who wasted way too much of her life in not being herself---I'll never get that time back.)
It sounds like maybe you need to get out of that situation right now. Getting out of the middle of the warzone might help you to see things differently too. You cannot be responsible for your parents---they have to make their own decisions.
Honestly, I've heard so many stories and met so many people that have said that their parents took it really badly at first, but with time, they came around and became very supportive.
It's obvious that this isn't going to be instant, but everyone will eventually learn from it. Give it time and be as persistent at showing them your love as you want them to be with you.
Good luck, hon.
Dp _________________ "Fighting for this girl - on the battlefield of love."
Wed Jun 03, 2009 5:13 am
Eilidh Moderators
Joined: 09 Apr 2005
Posts: 1880
{{{{{jezzie}}}}}
There is hardly a worse feeling of having your parents fight over you. Stay strong and allow them to work their differences out without getting involved. I know it's hard, but it is doable!
As for moving out, check your local community for resources. Your girlfriend's offer of having you move in with her is a nice one, but is it financially feasible? Consider to what degree your parents support you financially before you decide you have to move out.
We're here for you, jezzie. Keep us posted with how things are going.
~Eilidh
Mon Jun 08, 2009 10:59 pm
desert-fish
Joined: 13 Apr 2006
Posts: 2777
Location: deleted
Dear j,
I hope that some day you will see that being normal and gay are not exclusive concepts. It is NORMAL for some of us to be gay.
Perhaps you already know that...but you can see that not every one will agree with that, including your mom...thats why its so important to establish your own identity independantly of them. Maybe you're not ready for that yet, not ready to leave the nest....but some day you will have to....and I promise you, you will feel great, not having to live with that negativity.
Fish
gloop
Thu Jun 18, 2009 9:46 am
Eilidh Moderators
Joined: 09 Apr 2005
Posts: 1880
Jezzie,
How are things going now?
~Eilidh
Thu Aug 13, 2009 4:08 am
jezzie
Joined: 01 Oct 2004
Posts: 58
things are a little better, but just in sense that noone is mentioning anything about me and therefore they have no reason to start fighting or something. It's like living with a bomb that might explode anytime.
we'll see what will happen in future. i can't tell if they are making any progress in accepting this or they are just ignoring it.
thanks for your support ladies. it's easier with your help and knowing you care
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