Joined: 29 Sep 2004
Posts: 1035
Location: First Star on the Right Straight on til Morning
Acceptance
I debated where to put this and so I thought at first maybe in Accomplishments because I am so proud of it. Then I thought maybe General because some categories never get read. But then I put it here because it is truly about parenting.~~~~~~
My oldest daughter has had issues in the past with me dating. Not because I am a lesbian. That she deals with fine. She had issues with me falling in love and then getting hurt. Hard to explain to a 13 year old that hurt is a risk you take when you love someone. She has never been in love and just could not understand the concept.
I have been hurt in the past... my ex husband, my ex wife. They both hurt me physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially, and worse of all by the power they had over me they were able to also hurt my children. She has seen me cry my tears of pain, sadness, deparation, loss of self worth, struggle. She knows that I found it hard to go on.
Through all that for the most part I held it together for my children. I tried to put up walls to protect me and my children. I told myself I would never find love and was only going to date. A couple times someone would make it through a crack in my walls and yet again I would get hurt. I look back on the past year and I was not very sucessful at keeping my heart protected while I was playing the dating game.
I let someone in. She did not sneak in liek some evil villian in disguise. She knocks politely on the door she found to my heart. Asked if she could visit my heart for awhile. She she had her walls up to. But amazingly we have found there is a doorway that passes through between these two jail cells we have built for our hearts. Now we leave that door open. Trusting one another to the point we allow them access to our hearts at anytime.
My daughter, you remember her issue with me dating from above, had her own walls too. She did not want hurt again from another of my partners. I am seeing the door open to her heart slowly too. She asks if we can spend time with my girlfriend. She laughs and jokes with my girlfriend. She accepts my girlfriend. It is truly amazing to see given her previous reluctance. Actually reluctance does not cover it. It was more like open hostility. Threatening violence against previous girlfriends, withdrawl from me if I continued to see them, angry and hateful words lashed put from a hurting and protective teen.
I do not know how it happned, I do not know where that mythical window is that she has now opened for my girlfriend, but it has happened. My teen without me asking, suggesting or expecting has in the last few weeks.... asked if we could stay the night at my girlfriends, watched movies with my girlfriend, went to McDonalds with just my girlfriend, teased my girlfriend about her dieting issues, hugged my girlfriend, and the topper was she (the teen) asked if we could stay at my girlfriend's on Christmas eve realising that it would mean that we will wake up Christmas morning at my girlfriend's house.
My other daughter has a very open heart, and she does get hurt from it. She still keeps her heart open and that is just the way she is. She of course then has fallen for my girlfriend. They are 'buddies'. They hang out. They play cards and do puzzles together. She cannot wait til my girlfriend gets her motorcycle fixed so that she can go for a ride.
I have been accepted my girlfriend, by my children, and most importantly by myself. I am happy and my heart feels that this is right. Amazing! _________________ Twilight, Her Royal Highness, The Queen of Fun and Games
The lengthening shadows wait The first pale stars of twilight. ~~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
Mon Dec 08, 2008 11:46 am
realwoman
Joined: 05 Dec 2005
Posts: 1040
Location: under our tree in Africa
((((((((((((((TWILIGHT)))))))))))))))
Thanks for sharing these wonderful thoughts with us. Your story about acceptance from your kids made me smile...
And yes, it is amazing... I have this theory... if you dont want the 'friend' to meet your kids or parents, its 'cause you know they wont approve... and they wont approve because the 'friend' is not right for you... and will hurt you. The girlfriend that you DO take to meet them, and that they are accepting, that is the one that is right for you... Its kind of an instinct, isnt it?
I am so happy for you that you found someone so special! All the best for the two of you, being a family together!
Huge hugs
~real _________________ .
.
light is to darkness as love is to fear...
Wed Dec 10, 2008 6:47 am
PipSqueak
Joined: 04 Jul 2008
Posts: 987
Location: S.W. England
Wow, congratulations!! No wonder you wanted to shout it out.
It is really touching to hear how your older daughter has taken to your girlfriend. Children can really affect how you feel, can't they, bless 'em?!
Your girlfriend sounds like a very special person, good luck and enjoy! ((Twilight))
Wed Dec 10, 2008 10:03 pm
twilight
Joined: 29 Sep 2004
Posts: 1035
Location: First Star on the Right Straight on til Morning
Yes I am truly blessed in my children and in my girlfriend. _________________ Twilight, Her Royal Highness, The Queen of Fun and Games
The lengthening shadows wait The first pale stars of twilight. ~~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
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