I'm so fukkkkkin angry at myself right now I could spit nails sideways .
This is difficult for two reasons. I'm not that good at ' story telling', and two being a private person I'm airing out dirty laundry.
Going into this , please refrain from the excessivecoddling of hugs and flowers !! I don't need that shit . you know - - such as the ** flowers, hugs, flowers, hugs** type crap.
... so it begins.
About two years ago the fool that I am trusted my sister and brother in law . I bought a car from them . Initially the agreement was for 2,000. I paid 1,000 cash on the day I got it. I drove the vehicle all the way from Nawt Carolina to Ohio . The car was legal in every sense of the word ; just legal in THEIR name.. including the insurance . I paid the premiums by sending to them and they in turn paid the insurance company.
The remainder of 1,000 was discussed and reduced in half by my brother in law because they needed ' cash fast'. He was out of work and trying to provide for them ( or so I thought). I didn't know what the fuck was happening with my sister and the kids. Their phone was shut off , they moved .
I didn't hear from them for a while. Almost 3 months I think... then one day I got a message from her in yahoo IM saying they were livin in Georgia trying to start over. I call the number but she never went into too much detail with me ... just that they had to move.
He calls me the next day and wants to talk. He starts by sayin ' everyone is mad at me because I made mistakes in carolina and then proceeds this long grand standin confession that he got hooked on crack ...and how the insurance premiums didn't get paid and the insurance lapsed, the money I paid for the car was smoked up in a crack pipe, .. money I sent to them to renew the registration was never paid, .. and last but not least, it was later discovered that ' ohhh -- we think there is a lein on the car and that's why we can't mail you the Title so that you can get it transferred in your name in Ohio'.
.. mistakes ehh? I think NOT! Mistakes ya can fix .
So .. I pretty much took that one up the ass, in more way's then one so to speak.
The foolishness continues...
I wanted to keep communication open with her and the kids. They were living with his cousin and long distance calls from their home weren't an option .. so, I mulled it over and said alright I'll add another line on my phone plan and get ya a phone... the stipulations being , it was for HER to keep communications open with me, and for emergency use only if need be . Next thing I know every fukkin time I tried to call her there was no answer , or on the rare occasion I did call and get through to her she'd say ' oh he brings the phone with him when he goes to work'. ...
needless to say, I get the first phone bill in and there was a charge for ringtones. not the ones ya download through phone, but the ones you can download by pc and SEND to the phone number, consequently incurring additional charges because it's a third party . So I called her and bitched about that and she said ' didnt know he did that '.. which he denied. Next month rolls around and there's thirty more dollar's in ringtone charges and an overage of the family time shared minutes usage charge on that phone line................. ohhhhhhhh by about $240.00 give or take taxes. When I called her to see what she had to say about that she said ' well-- i can put the line in my name now'. Didn't happen . I was stuck paying it and then cancelled the other line and incurred an early termination fee !
Ya see...... she doesn't like the fact that I point out the truths to her, such as she married a controlling fucktard who cares more about some idiotic wrestling match on TNT then he does about goin out to get a second job . She doesn't like it when I say give up the smoking if you are that in need of money. She doesn't like it when I tell her that he's texted or called me saying shit ' yeah it's hard we can't buy the girls snacks and we have no gas money to get to work ' and I in turn text her saying ' hey-- he's asking me for money , do you know about this ? ' .. She doesn't like it when I push and Question??
Well------ I CAN'T FUCKIN STAND TO BE LIED TO, DECEIVED, MANIPULATED AND MADE TO FEEL A FOOL...AND TO HAVE IT CARRY OVER INTO MY RELATIONSHIP with Prism.
and it has.. because two week's ago I got a call beggin me to help them out . and they needed it right away.. I gritted my teeth, stammered and even said the gotdamn audacity of them askin me for money after what they have done and i loaned it to em . Again.
what pisses me off even more -- is that my sister got mad at me for getting upset and telling her ' FINE- i'll send ya some money but YOU MUST PAY ME BACK BECAUSE THIS ISN'T JUST MY MONEY ANYMORE ' and she said ' I didn't ask you for anythin.. mark did'. moreso, I CAN'T STAND THAT SHE HAS TURNED INTO SOME WEAK MINDED BITCH, SISTER OR NO SISTER, WHO CHOOSES TO BE WITH THE LAZIEST, LAMEST, POOREST EXCUSE OF A HUMAN I'VE EVER SEEN WHO CALLS THE KIDS NAMES!!!!
but who am I more pissed at... me. for trusting that maybe this time things would be different.
I know alot of you (if not all ) are shaking your head and saying ' yeah - you're a fool Argo', ...believe me i've heard it . It echoes so damn loud it makes me want to stop caring . I wanted to be good person and turn the other cheek. Well, I've now turned four cheeks , the one's on my face and the one's on my ass !
I don't feel good about allowing this to happen -- and I guess I wonder how many of you had similar type situations where you repeated to help someone , specifically a family member and only got kicked in the fukkin teeth, stabbed in the back, etc?
The thing is there's two lil girls , my neices, involved who I'd pretty much die for . Prism (Dp) , said it best when she said ' yep-- there's an automatic guilt trip built in '. This hasn't been easy for us.
this rant is probably jumbled and won't make a whole lot of sense .. the basis is just being used and allowing it to continue. when kids are involved -- at what point does a relative give up ? He's very territorial and has made it clear that I can't talk to the girls and threw in the comment ' my kid's don't want to see you'.
really hurt.. and I'm afraid it could quite possibly take on different forms and manifest itself into hate.
whispers to Phoenix, I'm not the best at letting things go...any energy you can send my way would be appreciated.
noni, lemme have it ... have always admired the way you bend your ear . _________________ ...~paving the way to freedom because not all roads are straight and narrow !~ Kewl
Thu Oct 23, 2008 8:04 pm
Sable
Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 298
Location: Australia
You're not a fool for being kind, you're not a fool for caring enough to look past things and continue to help. The fools are the people who can use you for your kindness, it takes a great person to be able to cop a lot of shit yet continue to help even if they know it's likely its never going to be returned. If it makes them a fool then I guess that makes me a fool too, honestly though I would prefer being a fool who is too kind than someone who just doesn't care. It's not a bad thing to want things to change, even if inside you know they might never. My mum kicks me in the teeth constantly and while I say I'm over her and her shit, a part of me is always going to contain hope that she changes even if most of me knows she wont. You can't kick yourself over what choices your sister makes even if you see how stupid they are, shes the one who will end up having to face those stupid choices in the end not you. It's natural to be hurt over the poor attitude a family member can have toward another, but stop calling yourself a fool for it because you are far from the fool. _________________ A worthy cause to strive for is to not be defined by what you do, who you are with and how you act but to be accepted unconditionally for just being and accept everything that just is. ~ Sable
Thu Oct 23, 2008 10:15 pm
MysteryGirl Moderators
Joined: 02 Jun 2007
Posts: 3419
Location: I come from a land downunder
noni, lemme have it ... have always admired
the way you bend your ear .
I can't let you have it Kewl - you specifically said NO HUGS!!!! LMAO
OK, there is a very old saying, you can choose your friends, you can't choose your family!!!! And boy is that one true. I don't think of you as a fool, it is a very normal reaction to want to help a family member, especially when there are young children involved. However, I will say one thing, have you any notion of whether any of the help you give (and Im guessing it is of the financial kind) ever gets near those kids? If you ae pretty sure it doesn't then the time has come to stop giving them cash. it is too easy for that to be diverted off for the adults purposes. If either your sister or BIL call whining about a specific situation, ie the kids need shoes, school supplies whatever, and you still feel the need to help then by all means do so, find out specifically what the kids need and send that only. You know, in your heart of hearts, that they only contact you when they want something and in between you hear diddly squat. There comes a time when you have to STOP being an enabler, they get themselves into this crap, let them get themselves out of it. They wont change, Im sorry.
Why am I so hard? Cause I have been down this road for the past 11 years or more with someone I love more than my own life - my eldest son. I have helped him in more ways than I could write here, endless amounts of money, paid his bills, bailed him out, cleaned hie house etc etc only to be kicked in the teeth, lied to and have the same set of circumstances befall him over and over and over. Finally I had to say, enough is enough. I dont even initiate contact anymore, I got tired of always being the one who rang or visited.
What I say now is I will always love you, but right now I dont like you very much. I think you feel the same about your sister. And it's OK.
Noni (hugs to Prism, I miss you both) _________________ Be yourself.............everybody else is taken!
Fri Oct 24, 2008 7:04 am
PipSqueak
Joined: 04 Jul 2008
Posts: 987
Location: S.W. England
Kewl, don't know you but don't think you're a fool.
Noni is giving really good advice,support the children. Agree with Sable, you're not the loser, they are.
You asked if anyone else had similar situation. Bet there are lots of us who have experienced something close, had the guilt trip or family obligation and got mad at themselves for keeping going.
(Not sure that it helps or is in the same league. Got a brother with ADHD who has been a complete nightmare since he was a toddler:physical abuse, money issues, arson, robbery, drinking, depression. The family has forgiven and supported him loads of times. Done money, listening, anger/hate, refused help, guilt, caved in, faced friends, dreaded phone calls. wanted a "normal" sibling relationship, want peace from the whole damn thing. Big worry: he gets married nxt year...kids to follow...)
Hope your ranting has helped, and you and Prism find a way.
...Do you have ne idea how hard is it not to hug good people when you are a hugger.....
Sat Oct 25, 2008 8:09 pm
chordphrute
Joined: 04 Jul 2005
Posts: 1412
Location: Nouvelle Orléans, Louisiane
aw honey-bear, if it's any consolation at all (i doubt it), I would have done the same damn thing you did.
your sister is lost, babygirl. she's not your sister - she's being controlled and mindfucked and otherwise messed with. you cant do anymore unless they make better choices. please realize you've done more than most would have or could have.
love and hugs from all of us,
Dani, Kd, and Marie...and Spud and Zasha _________________ "You can't kiss and keep your eyes open, they'll cross forever" - Rubyfruit Jungle
Sun Oct 26, 2008 3:43 am
smart_cookie
Joined: 12 Aug 2006
Posts: 2310
Location: USA
Hey my friend. I don't have any words of wisdom, but I do care about ya.
xox
Cooks
Mon Oct 27, 2008 3:13 am
Kewl
Joined: 17 Aug 2006
Posts: 305
Sable, Noni, Purp, bungee-Chord, and cooksie muh fave shugahbiscuit--
Thanks so much for reading . The input is nice to have from a few differing view points. It does mean alot because sometimes there's nuttin bettah than for genuine friends to sit with ya . .. and I know I have at least a few here.
Hugs to each of you. chordy and smarts -- me thinks all of our phones are sayin call dammit call. talk soon
luvin ya-
~Kewl _________________ ...~paving the way to freedom because not all roads are straight and narrow !~ Kewl
Mon Oct 27, 2008 6:38 am
Cyg
Joined: 12 Sep 2008
Posts: 64
Location: USA
Well I don't know you Kewl, but if you are a fool. You are my kind of fool. _________________ "Shoot for the stars and you will never fall short of the moon"
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