I'm a 40 year old, married for ten years with 2 young children. I would have called my marriage a plutonic freindship until a few months ago, but now it's not even that. My husband is a nice guy - we just don't seem to have anything in common any more.
This was enough, but then, a month ago I met this woman. She is an vocal coach who came to teach an all female group I sing with. It took me a few days to realise that I was attracted to her and that came as a real shock - the idea hasn't crossed my mind before. I'm completely infatuated and she only peripherally knows I exist. She lives on the other side of the world with her lady, but will be at an international Convention my choir is attending in a less than 2 weeks and will be coaching us then. She'll also be coming back here early next year to coach us.
She is the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing on my mind at night. I guess my real issue isn't her - it could never be - but all of the questions this is making me ask about myself.
I'm so confused about what this means and how I will handle myself when she next coaches us, whether I'll make a fool of myself, whether I should talk to her about the impact she's had on me. I know I can't stay in my marriage, I'm so sick of just existing and not feeling anything - the only time I'm really alive is when I sing.
So what am I asking? Could this just be a one person thing, or is she the catalyst that will open Pandora's Box for me? How do I know if this is something I should try to lock away or that I need to explore and where do I start.
I'm so confused, one minute I want to forget about everything, quit singing and all of the associations it has for me. The next I want to see her and talk to her, despite knowing this will go nowhere.
Can anyone help me?
Mon Oct 20, 2008 5:49 am
fortheloveofagood... Site Admin
Joined: 17 Dec 2005
Posts: 2216
Location: loves land of plenty
((((((((((((((Monkey)))))))))))))))
welcome to mels... first of all...
You. Are. Not. Alone.
In these feelings, in this process, in the fear, in the up and down moods, in the excitement but trepidation, or the first married woman to fancy/fall in love/ want to be with a woman. You are right, that this woman has evoked strong feelings in you, you are attracted to her, but that it is probably not *just* about her and that there is more going on... but by thinking about her, it reminds you, that something IS going on....
Second of all
Well done for voicing this and posting...
You are very brave to acknowledge and admit to yourself that you are attracted to another woman and come here to try and find out what this is all about for you.
I do not have the answers - but i do suggest you do two things
1) Read our 'coming out' section (if you haven't already) and/or any books you find about coming out... there are i believe some, specifically for people in the middle of their life...
2) Make some friends here, get to know people, give yourself some space.
Whatever you are feeling, you do not need to decide t.o.d.a.y... you can take the pressure off and just see...
I know the ladies of mels, will also have other view points and perspective from their own experiences that will support you too...
Again, welcome to mels.
Kx
Mon Oct 20, 2008 8:26 am
Eilidh Moderators
Joined: 09 Apr 2005
Posts: 1880
*nods to everything the wise woman above me wrote*
Monkey,
You have taken a huge step by registering at Mels. Be proud of that!
There are also a (surprising?) number of women here who have been married at one point or another and others who are still married. You're not the first and you won't be the last. Hopefully, they will speak up on this thread.
You will find that Mels is a warm, supportive community. Don't be afraid to say or ask anything at all that is on your mind. We're here for each other.
You might want to stop into chat, too. There's nothing quite like talking with people in "real" time.
Hugs,
Eilidh
Mon Oct 20, 2008 5:08 pm
Monkey
Joined: 16 Oct 2008
Posts: 12
Hi gals
Thanks for the feedback. I hung around for a while looking at the posts before I managed to write my intro and believe me it took a while to type it out and even longer to press the submit button...
The emotional rollercoaster is unbelieveable, one minute I feel like I'm OK, the next I can't focus on anything at work or home. The Convention when I will see her starts in less than a fortnight and sometimes I think I'll talk to her (she has a reputation for being very supportive) other times I just want to hide away.
The one positive I'm finding in all of this is that at least I can feel something and that in itself has shown me just how much I'm missing in my marriage.
I'm trying to take a day at a time - a wise woman I know said to focus on that and just breathe...
Monkey
Tue Oct 21, 2008 12:10 am
Angel1 Moderators
Joined: 09 Mar 2007
Posts: 1518
Location: U.K
Hello there ((((((((Monkey)))))))))
* Nods to all of the sound advice given by the wise ladies above* a very warm welcome to *Mels* i hope that you find this very special little haven a safe place where you can just be*Yourself* around some truly amazing , beautiful, kind hearted women who truly do care.Pop into chat sometime, you'll soon make many new and wonderful friends there.
with much love
Angel1 xx _________________ "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience.
We are spiritual beings having a human experience."
-Pierre Teilhard de Chardin (1881-1955)
Last edited by Angel1 on Tue Oct 28, 2008 10:50 pm; edited 1 time in total
Tue Oct 28, 2008 9:26 pm
twilight
Joined: 29 Sep 2004
Posts: 1035
Location: First Star on the Right Straight on til Morning
Welcome to Mel's.... I think back to when I joined 4 years ago and was still married myself. I have found nothing but support and friendship here. I know you will find the same. Listen to the wise women and welcome! _________________ Twilight, Her Royal Highness, The Queen of Fun and Games
The lengthening shadows wait The first pale stars of twilight. ~~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
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