Joined: 29 Mar 2005
Posts: 3381
Location: Inner Sanctum
((((((((((((((((Noni and J)))))))))))))))))
Thank you. It's been a hard decision for me. I'm a very strong woman but its time to accept the truth that circumstances have worn me down. I always said going into all the surgeries that i would always stay positive but 7 to 8 years later, I'm still in pain and watching my body fall apart as well as my life. I know its very normal and consistent with what i've gone through to be put on meds because my body is spending all its time dealing with pain .
Unfortunately I've noticed and my friends/family have noticed some physical symptons that may mean the discs in my neck and back are going bad. I'm slurring my speech alot more than usual. I can't walk without running into things which happened before my cervical fusion. My legs are giving out on me alot lately. I've had several tumbles that I've been lucky enough to not have hurt myself worse. I guess I've been doing this so long, I know that I should relax and let myself fall instead of fighting it. So far only my pride has been kicked.
Thank you for being here to help me through the problems
Jan
------------------------------------------
((((((((((((Brandi))))))))))))
Until I injured my spine, I rarely took anything of any kind of medication. I never even drank much in the way of alcohol in all my 48 years. The pain I live with is not something I can laugh off. I fought taking the pain meds for a few years until it got so bad I was getting ill. California worker comp procrastinates on treatments to alleviate my pains so I'm stuck with taking meds until it can be approved.
I've been able to laugh and joke through alot of things but my body isn't equipped to handle things as well as I did before my injury. It's very common for people like myself living with my situation to deal with depression. It's not something I can laugh off anymore. If it was that simple, I would do it.
I am so thinking of you at this time. I can't even imagine what you are going through. I pray that all of the resources you need to help you with your physical and emotional challenges will be available to you soon. Sincerely, "J"
Wed Nov 12, 2008 9:09 pm
PipSqueak
Joined: 04 Jul 2008
Posts: 987
Location: S.W. England
(((((((Jan)))))))
Wish I had the right words....thinking of you and hope ur trip 2 the docs is helpful.
Sat Nov 15, 2008 1:27 am
Angel1 Moderators
Joined: 09 Mar 2007
Posts: 1518
Location: U.K
((((((((((((((((((((Jan)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Huge hugs and lots of love and healing coming your way.
Here for you 24/7 sweetheart.
with all my love and hugs
Love you all the whole world and more
Angel1 x x x _________________ "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience.
We are spiritual beings having a human experience."
-Pierre Teilhard de Chardin (1881-1955)
Sun Nov 16, 2008 12:02 am
xporba
Joined: 27 Jun 2005
Posts: 7
Location: yorkshire england
hi love
just remember to write everything down like i said, so you have
all the details with you when you see the doctor, i know you love
writing lists
love you my vamp
smile this witch loves you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sun Nov 16, 2008 12:14 am
DarkChyldesKiss Site Admin
Joined: 29 Mar 2005
Posts: 3381
Location: Inner Sanctum
((((((((JCreature))))))))))))))))
Thank you. I appreciate your thoughts and prayers. I am hoping that my appointment with a new pain management doc on Tuesday will give me some answers to both my pain physical and emotional. After that its up to the doc to get through to my workers comp claims adjustor to get anything done.
You know me too well. I've been writing my lists for the doctors appointment. Anything I forget will be brought up by Di because she has alot of concerns too. She's been over every day since the depression hit me hard.
I have been through clinical depression before and had I knew what I know now...I would have started the anti-depressant long before I did. But it was a confusing time because I attributed the affects of the depression to character and not a medical condition, which spins a sad cycle that never ends. But I did not understand it. 3 months after taking the anti-depressant I really did feel different. I went from wanting my life to end, to wanting it to begin again. My story is that, I took anti-depressants for two years and then did not need them anymore. I get the blues here and there but nothing like that very dark time in my life years ago.
Anti-depressants gave me the ability to use coping skills, without them at that time I could not cope... my body and mind did not have the ability to do so under clinical depression. They are like a temporary tool. Effexor was very effective for me. I hope you find the tools that will work for you.
Dance~
Wed Nov 19, 2008 10:49 pm
DarkChyldesKiss Site Admin
Joined: 29 Mar 2005
Posts: 3381
Location: Inner Sanctum
(((((((((((((((((((Dance)))))))))))))))))))))
I appreciate the information and also a anti-depressant name because I haven't a clue what's going to happen. My pain management doc is requesting that I get approved to see a pain psychologist. It was hard to admit that I didnt have the tools to cope with what was going on. My doc reassured me that my problems go hand in hand with having lived with pain for so long.
The downside of this is that my condition is long term so it might be a constant battle.
The immediate concern right now is that my physical symptoms are pointing at discs blowing at the lumbar and cervical areas once again. It's like its all starting over! I knew the issues facing me when i had my fusions but I was ignoring the reality. I've doubled my chances of having my discs fall over like dominoes when I had fusions at the lumbar and cervical levels.
My options are having pain blocks that burn the nerves which regenerate within a year. Downside of that is there's a huge possibility the muscles will be damaged and they don't regenerate! The longer fix is repeating fusions on the levels that are degenerating. The fusions will last up to 5 years but it also means watching for future problems and repeated fusions.
Yep, I am ready for anti-depressants so I will take whatever is prescribed. I've also got it in my head that it might be for longer than I expected.
Joined: 05 Dec 2005
Posts: 1040
Location: under our tree in Africa
(((((((((((((((((((((JAN)))))))))))))))))))))
You are constantly in my thoughts, my friend. I used anti-depressants twice, first after i got my face all smashed up, and then two years ago when I was suspended from work. Two different types of meds, which I did not use for longer than a month on each occasion. It helped to see the light at the end of the tunnel, which surely is there!
Hang in there chica, we are rooting for you from way over here
Huge hugs, always
~real (& M) _________________ .
.
light is to darkness as love is to fear...
Fri Nov 21, 2008 10:01 pm
Eilidh Moderators
Joined: 09 Apr 2005
Posts: 1880
Jan,
I initially refrained from responding to this thread because I have never experienced depression and I didn't want to detract from the stories of those women who have. However, depression does run rampant through my family, so I have seen how it can make people struggle with even the most basic aspects of life. In that respect, I do hope you get the best medical care available to you and know that even those of us who may not "truly" know what you are experiencing can still offer a gentle hand and a sounding board when you need it most. All you have to do is speak up, of which you're doing a fine job already!
Most of all, you are in my thoughts. Please keep us posted.
Hugs,
Eilidh
Sat Nov 22, 2008 2:20 am
DarkChyldesKiss Site Admin
Joined: 29 Mar 2005
Posts: 3381
Location: Inner Sanctum
(((((((((((((((((((Real/M(goddess of google))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Thank you. Thought I heard some rooting coming from way over your way.
I hope that my workers comp approves it but I'm not holding my breath. If not I will have to see if my medicare will cover it. I have been using st.john's wort in the mean time which i've used for stress when I worked. It helps mellow me out a tiny bit but its not the answer.
Thank you. Your sharing is just as comforting coming from someone who watches family go through depression as someone who deals with it themselves. I appreciate your gentle hand in coming here.
Everyone here has helped me take the first step with my doctor. I've had to work past my stubborness to ask for help.
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((((((((((((((((((((Jan))))))))))))))))))))))))))) 
