Joined: 08 Nov 2005
Posts: 40
Location: Texas/Conneticut
How to...
Someone tell Me How you can get over someone that you Truly loved... She Cheated while i was off working ... But Gosh I do miss her... But also know i deserve better then that I just dunno what to do... Go find a Fck buddy for a while Or just disappear cus thats really what i wanna do... _________________ Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away.
Wed Sep 10, 2008 6:11 am
fortheloveofagood... Site Admin
Joined: 17 Dec 2005
Posts: 2216
Location: loves land of plenty
Why did she cheat? For some this is controversial, but often in relationships, especially long term ones, an affair is symptomatic of something else. Yeah you get people who are just cruel, twisted, lying, untrustworthy unfaithful no hopers....
But i like to believe in the goodness of people, so think that is fairly rare, and usually something led a person to cheat... maybe they are no longer in love with you, maybe the relationship was already over? maybe she never really committed to you and so fell in lust with someone else all too easily and readily, maybe she wanted the buzz of approval she got from this other person and was selfish enough to not think of your feelings... all painful reasons... but...
To get over someone, you often need closure, closure for me, means getting to the bottom of a situation, to have my questions answered. So my first question would be, how did we end up here? How did i end up being in a relationship with someone who cheated on me? How do i feel? What do i want to do? Put you first now.
You could disappear, write it off, never speak to her and let time do it's magic, but i would rather know what happened ...
As far as missing someone goes, like any emotion, they are usually temporary, so of course you will miss her now, but with some help of friends, mels, distractions, crying, the whole thing, that can fade. Do you really want to continue caring/missing someone who did not respect the monogamous part of your relationship? These are the things you may need to ask yourself.
And as for a fcuk buddy? What purpose does that serve? The feeling behind your words feels like anger, (not say hedonism or wanting to have a good time, i'm not judging the value of fcuk buddies). But is it fair on someone else to spread that anger further, as a way to hit out at the one you truly loved?
Maybe better to stay in the present, to face up the situation, to deal with the facts and try to keep simple, not complicate it with other people...
And last but not least, have faith in yourself, always, to deal with this... best you can.
With love
Kx
Wed Sep 10, 2008 8:27 am
jade547
Joined: 05 Aug 2007
Posts: 523
Location: swindon - uk
hi there
well i think Forthelove... has given some very sound advice, and there is very little to add to what she has said. Unfortunatelly when we lose someone we love, either relationship broken down, death etc we all greive, and it will be hard at first (she will be the only thing you think about from the time you get up) it takes time. Remember there is support here at Mels.
Please just give yourself some time, believe in yourself and allow yourself to greive and one day you will move on.
take care
D
Wed Sep 10, 2008 8:48 am
realwoman
Joined: 05 Dec 2005
Posts: 1040
Location: under our tree in Africa
((((((((((((((((((LOST))))))))))))))))))
My dear friend, I am so sorry to hear about this. Sometimes we will never be able to figure out why...
All I know, and all I can say, is that she was just not good enough for you, and yes, sometimes we do fall in love with people who are not good enough for us. Its a hard lesson to learn.
But I know you. You deserve better. You know that too. You deserve to be loved and respected without condition and without being cheated on. And the one who will love you like that, she IS out there. Perhaps this experience just made you more ready for her.
Shake the dust of the memories of this one who did not deserve you of your shoes like you would when you are leaving a town through which you traveled - you had good times there, but the mayor has changed his views, the neighbourhood has gotten bad, and it is time to move on.
There will be a single girl waiting for you in the next village. And she may just be the one whose values really coincide with yours
Wishing you all the best on your journey my friend
Huge hugs, and lotsa love
~real _________________ .
.
light is to darkness as love is to fear...
Wed Sep 10, 2008 11:53 am
NIC
Joined: 15 Aug 2005
Posts: 141
Location: Brooklyn NY
Wow.
This sounds so familiar.
All I can say really, is that time is an amazing healer.
I gave myself a year and boom, she wasn't even a thought anymore.
I wish you the best with everything. _________________
"For those who understand you,No explanation is necessary, for those who don't,none is possible."
Wed Sep 10, 2008 5:25 pm
LostNLove
Joined: 08 Nov 2005
Posts: 40
Location: Texas/Conneticut
Ty all for your wisdom, and real you are Right i do deserve better an thats exactly what i am going to end up with ...Someone whom loves me for Me... genuinely cares... But First an foremost i Must Make myself happy an thats Just what i intend on doing... right now I am focusing on My Boys . I know that My Someone is out there an that i am having to go thru this to find my way to her... But hey when it happens it happens Im Just going to Be happy Being Silly Ole Me... _________________ Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away.
Thu Sep 11, 2008 6:18 am
realwoman
Joined: 05 Dec 2005
Posts: 1040
Location: under our tree in Africa
You GO Girl!!
Sending lots of love your way...
She will be there, I know, when you least expect her...
Keep smiling, YOU!!
Love,
real _________________ .
.
light is to darkness as love is to fear...
Thu Sep 11, 2008 7:17 am
Angel1 Moderators
Joined: 09 Mar 2007
Posts: 1518
Location: U.K
Awwwww((((((((((((Lost)))))))))))
Some sound advice given here, she is not worthy of your love and your affection and you will get over this in time.When you least expect it that "Special" someone will be there, sometimes in life we have to cut the dead wood away to encourage new growth.Time is a great healer sweetie.
(((((((((((Massive gentle hugs))))))))))))
Sending you lots of warming,positive energies to uplift you.
with much love
Angel1 x _________________ "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience.
We are spiritual beings having a human experience."
-Pierre Teilhard de Chardin (1881-1955)
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