Re-post for opinions of the 30 somethings :) Goto page 1, 2Next
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NIC
Joined: 15 Aug 2005
Posts: 141
Location: Brooklyn NY
Re-post for opinions of the 30 somethings :)
Real quick.
My love is 21
I am 37
We have been going on for 2 years now and I have a major age issue
Not because of her, you'd never know we are so far apart in age by looking at us.
Nor would you ever know she's only 21 once she opens her mouth.
My dilema is this:
How...............If I love this woman as much as I do
How can I stay with her, knowing we won't grow old "TOGETHER"
but in fact I will grow old before her.
I'm stressed about it cause I have yet to fully commit.
She is now done with college and has her degree
She now wants to take the next step and I just feel like
"What if I am robbing her of a future"
I can't sleep
I can't eat
It just kinda sucks Ladies
What do I do?
Thanks
xx _________________
"For those who understand you,No explanation is necessary, for those who don't,none is possible."
Last edited by NIC on Wed Jul 30, 2008 8:41 pm; edited 3 times in total
Tue Jul 29, 2008 5:03 pm
MysteryGirl Moderators
Joined: 02 Jun 2007
Posts: 3419
Location: I come from a land downunder
Ummmm, well I checked the Forums this morning and whatever you posted wasnt there then, just got in after about 5 hours out and you had already dleleted whatever it was. Im sorry you feel like nobody cares but I think it might be a little hard to expect people to reply immediately when we all have a life and commitments outside Mels as well, Maybe you just needed to give people more time to respond?
Noni _________________ Be yourself.............everybody else is taken!
Tue Jul 29, 2008 9:13 pm
jade547
Joined: 05 Aug 2007
Posts: 523
Location: swindon - uk
hi
as noni states we need time to respond, i tent to check these forums when i can, however have been busy past couple of day.
take care
Jade
Wed Jul 30, 2008 9:58 am
desert-fish
Joined: 13 Apr 2006
Posts: 2777
Location: deleted
If I could have helped you...I would ....but alas I can only visit every second week or so on my current schedule....some rather major life issues with me right now...so I missed your post....
Why don't you repost it NIC?....or pm me if you wish
desert-fishy
Wed Jul 30, 2008 10:23 am
Guest
Hi Nic, gee, I'm sorry I missed your post. Whatever it is you're going through, I hope things are better. Sincerely, "J"
Wed Jul 30, 2008 10:34 am
Hawaiian
Joined: 01 Dec 2005
Posts: 816
Location: Transplanted to Africa
Re: Re-post for opinions of the 30 somethings :)
quote:Originally posted by NIC:
Real quick.
My love is 21
I am 37
We have been going on for 2 years now and I have a major age issue
Not because of her, you'd never know we are so far apart in age by looking at us.
Nor would you ever know she's only 21 once she opens her mouth.
My dilema is this:
How...............If I love this woman as much as I do
How can I stay with her, knowing we won't grow old "TOGETHER"
but in fact I will grow old before her.
I'm stressed about it cause I have yet to fully commit.
She is now done with college and has her degree
She now wants to take the next step and I just feel like
"What if I am robbing her of a future"
I can't sleep
I can't eat
It just kinda sucks Ladies
What do I do?
Thanks
xx
I don't relate to where you are coming from. The question about robbing her of a future isn't something I think I understand. When you are in a relationship, you make a future together, face it together...what is there to rob her of? Other people? Opportunities? An inheritance?
What is the next step that she wants to take? Marriage? Living together? Buying a puppy? Or is it a job out of town?
And, I would have to firmly disagree about the logic that you two will not be growing old together. In spite of any age difference, you will grow old together...nobody's growing young. Now, when you are 37 and she is 21...it seems like a large gap...if she were 16 and you 32 then I'd have a pause...but the difference between 66 and 50 ain't all that significant...so look at it as an issue that will dissipate in time. Nothing to lose sleep over. _________________ 'A'a i ka hula, e waiho i ka hilahila i ka hale.
Dare to dance, leave your shyness at home.
Wed Jul 30, 2008 9:25 pm
MysteryGirl Moderators
Joined: 02 Jun 2007
Posts: 3419
Location: I come from a land downunder
Nic,
I actually understand your position but from the other side of the equation. My love is nearly 13 years older than me, I am 55 and she is 68. We have discussed the fact that, most likely, she will pass on from this life ahead of me and yes, it is an issue that pains her as she doesn't wish to leave me alone. BUT neither of us would change what we have together for the chance of a relationship with someone closer to our own age. We love each other for WHO we are, not what we could be.
Yes, there is a difference in our physical abilities at times but we make allowances for these, just as all couples make allowances for many different things,
You know, if she is with you it's because she wants to be, she has a choice in the matter too, if it doesnt bother her, then dont let it bother you.
Noni _________________ Be yourself.............everybody else is taken!
Wed Jul 30, 2008 9:47 pm
twilight
Joined: 29 Sep 2004
Posts: 1035
Location: First Star on the Right Straight on til Morning
Ok I have been the younger one in a 14 year age gap. And I think that if you are both at the same maturity level then it will work. Our problems lied in that I had children and so did she but she was ready to be a grandma and I was still raising my grade school aged children. Starting out the relationship when you are both younger would work to your advantage in that situation. _________________ Twilight, Her Royal Highness, The Queen of Fun and Games
The lengthening shadows wait The first pale stars of twilight. ~~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
Wed Jul 30, 2008 9:51 pm
Guest
Well, the way I see it is....... if you were straight.... (don't take that as an insult) or she were, age would matter so much less. How many younger women are with older men? Why should women see themselves as old just because they have aged? I don't. It's a mindset. If you keep yourself healthy and active, you should be very happy with yourself as you get older. I've got a sis who's 15 years older than me and i'm in my 50's, and she's in such great shape and so active nobody would know her age. In any case, for those of us who are not in that shape, we still can take care of ourselves, our bodies and our minds especially. And most importantly, Love has no age. If you truly love eachother and your partner chooses to be with you because of that, you're not robbing her of anything. You're hopefully giving a very precious gift. And you are also receiving that gift in return. That's the most important part of the whole equation. Love equals giving, not robbing. In every relationship there is a risk of losing someone, no matter what their age. If one leaves this earth sooner than later, that still does not take away the love we have given to our partner. Grief will come, but their lives will continue, and they will have been enriched hopefull by love. So I say, that is the part you two have to evaluate. Are you both happy with eachother? Are you confident in each other's love? If you are, then age doesn't matter. If you're not, well, then that's another thing to consider. Good luck to you. I wish you well. "J" Oh and um P.S. I am talking about people of legal age mind you.....
Wed Jul 30, 2008 10:11 pm
jade547
Joined: 05 Aug 2007
Posts: 523
Location: swindon - uk
Hi Nic
love knows no boundries, from your post you have been together for 2 years, she loves you regardless of age. I have very good friends who got married last year - who had a long distance relationship - T who is 52 and C who is 21, she also had these fears - but she allowed C to grow and do what she wants and that ment 2 years apart while C went back to south africa to finish her degree - while T stayed in UK. there is over 30 yrs difference between them - they enjoy life, support each other, grow together and when they are together you can see how much they love each other. As T would say age is not the issue unless i allow it to be, C does not see it as an issue, they love each other that is all that matters.
take care
Jade
Thu Jul 31, 2008 12:04 pm
fortheloveofagood... Site Admin
Joined: 17 Dec 2005
Posts: 2216
Location: loves land of plenty
i hate to be depressing, but she could die at 50 and you could live to your 88... you have no idea what will happen in the future...
the unknown
is
scary, you take a risk, you have no idea what will happen... enjoy... be thankful for your blessings,...
tis ok to panic and worry - but realise it is futile... what you gonna do? Leave her? So she will spend even more years without you? And with someone else? Could uou give her up because of your fears? For the sake of some unknown number of years she could be alone IF you happen to pass before her? Rather than saying facing those fears and working through them?
are you taking individual responsbility for her future? As Miki says, you build a future together. With open honest communication.
is this really about her age or is something else regarding commitment that is hitting you? i'm not questioning your judgement, just asking you to question deeper... what is it about making this commitment that is making you look at your differences and what could go wrong, rather than looking at all the wonderful possibilities and opportunities both of you can share?
with love
Kx
Thu Jul 31, 2008 2:26 pm
amos_l
Joined: 10 Jul 2007
Posts: 8
Hi Nic,
I am 22 and so a similar age to your love. My gf is 29 and so is older than me, we hav e been together nearly 2 years. I have just finished uni, similar again. I have just moved in with my gf. It was a step that both of us wanted and we discussed whether it was the right one, we both felt it was, we now just have to work together to ensure it is. Im sure your love has thought hard about making the next step, as you clearly as as well. I agree with the other responses and believe that if you love each other then growing old will not matter. I like Hawns comment that you will still be growing old together. Maybe talking to your love about your fears and listening to her views might help? Although you probably have already. Good luck!
amos x
Thu Jul 31, 2008 5:12 pm
NIC
Joined: 15 Aug 2005
Posts: 141
Location: Brooklyn NY
I will never be amazed at how insightful Women are.
Every post has been read and re-read.
My deepest heart felt thank you's go to everyone.
I got so much form ur advice and I feel it was the absolute push I needed
Thanks Ladies
xx _________________
"For those who understand you,No explanation is necessary, for those who don't,none is possible."
Tue Aug 05, 2008 12:49 am
Hawaiian
Joined: 01 Dec 2005
Posts: 816
Location: Transplanted to Africa
quote:Originally posted by NIC:
I will never be amazed at how insightful Women are.
Typo maybe? _________________ 'A'a i ka hula, e waiho i ka hilahila i ka hale.
Dare to dance, leave your shyness at home.
Tue Aug 05, 2008 9:51 am
NIC
Joined: 15 Aug 2005
Posts: 141
Location: Brooklyn NY
Not at all
I'm not amazed becuse for 2 years you have all been insightful!
Silly
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"For those who understand you,No explanation is necessary, for those who don't,none is possible."
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