do you think it's possible to know someone 'too well' in some ways and not know her at all? i've been wondering, i've had this relationship with a woman for several years, friends mostly since she said she couldn't be anything else, but i've always been in love with her, which made for all sorts of problems since i was ofteen controlling and upset. a problem in itself, but we have so many it seems, i was wondering if it's possible we talk too much, we've had this long distance relationship and are both writers so it's always words, words, and words, and all of this role playing and fictive characters, that appear and disappear to be followed by something else, all of whch i like. but lateely it seems to me she's started to think i'm 'really' a 'man' because since she said she was only into men, i found myself taking the 'counter' role, especailly in some kind of public forum, not that i cared, but she always was worried about being discrete, not wanting anyone to know we even had a relationship, much less what it was. when it became apparent in one public forum, she was mortified, partly in shame at my behavior, but partly, i think anyway, from just the sheer shame of being lesbian. i haven't been so happy about this, since i don't feel in any way in my skin or experience like a man, so then i end up feeling stck in this sort of thin role, which frustrates her because she can sense the lack of real feeling in it, but seems to have convinced her that i am a guy. with my women friends or those i've sort of dated, i say sort of because i've still been hung up on her, it's different, fun, warm, if i call someone up we'll be on the phone talking and talking and laughing but with her, the conversation's uptight, i don't know if it's sexual tension, or just that we've written so much we've stuck in the maps of our heads, our minds, and don't know each other at all in real life, is that possible, to know someone's mind as if you've read every word or book they've ever written andd you don't know at all what she's like in a room, i'd like to know her as she is, but that seems sort of a risk, i imagine she thinks so too, since the words and words seem to have created as many problems. she thinks we should write differently, i'm starting to think it will never work, not even a miniscule chance, if it's always words, or is it just that lng distance never works?
undone
Fri Apr 15, 2005 1:55 am
Tigger Site Admin
Joined: 06 Feb 2004
Posts: 890
Undone
This is a difficult one.....I think you find in life unless you spend time with people and get to know them you will not truly know and understand them....relationships in the manner you have held are very difficult I think as there are always barriers ...but thats my opinion.
I have to say I have never been in that sort of position so I am not much help.
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