In the last few days, I have admitted to myself I'm a lesbian. I'm mid 40's and I've obviously been in denial all my life.
I got very close to a woman on the net a while ago but never fancied her, but now got close to another woman and really do fancy her. She is with someone else and thats okay,but it has made me come to terms with being a lesbian.
Where do I start? I'm very happy to have realised and want to make up for lost time but what should I do? I feel like a big kid again!
Any help would be really appreciated.
Tue Apr 29, 2008 12:03 pm
realwoman
Joined: 05 Dec 2005
Posts: 1040
Location: under our tree in Africa
Dear (((((((((((((very))))))))))))
Firstly, pleased to meet you, and WELCOME TO MELS!!
Secondly, drag yourself a chair closer, and grab a cup of tea or coffee (or even a glass of wine), sit down, and ... B R E A T H E....
You are not alone, and you are not the only lesbian who realised and accepted who she truly is after the age of 35 - there are many of us. I only accepted myself when I was about 37, and yes, I know, its hella scary, but its also extremely liberating. For the first time in my life i was at peace with myself, and it is a great feeling!
Where to start? Well, I couldnt find a book on this, and when i came out to myself, the only lesbian i knew was... myself ... (not counting the married woman who forced me to face myself - she is prolly bi - lol). So what i did was to google, as you already did, since you found us - lol, I did a LOT of research on the internet, about 'lesbian late bloomers', and I read lesbian life stories and poetry. Thats how I found Mels, and yes, here at Mels i had an instant group of caring friends.. I also joined a local lesbian dating site, but made it clear in my profile that I wanted to make friends only, and only met ppl in person after I corresponded with them for some time ("the internet is dangerous"). I still am friends with a couple of women i met on the dating site.
It's been five years since I came out to myself, and I am no longer scared. I met a wonderful woman, and we have been together for wo years now, almost to the day. I came out to my (conservative) parents, who adore my lady, because they can see we are good for each other. I also came out to my friends. Some of them were not even surprised, they knew before I did.
So, my advice to you is, keep doing exactly what you are doing, and relax, remember to breathe, and enjoy this freedom, this lightness that came over you when you made peace with who you are. Very soon you will ask an admin to change your username, cause u wont be scared anymore. In the meantime, tell us what it is that is scaring for you, and I can promise you, the lovely ladies of Melswebs will be glad to assist with advice, and a warm place to sit and relax.
Oh, and CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!
Warm hugs
~real _________________ .
.
light is to darkness as love is to fear...
Tue Apr 29, 2008 1:36 pm
newbeginning
Joined: 17 Apr 2008
Posts: 42
What a great welcome, thank you!
I'm scared of what it will mean for my kids. I'm scared of telling my family.
It is very exciting, without doubt. I feel as though a whole new world has opened up for me. I can look around and appreciate lovely women, and that feels fantastic.
I think it's a great idea getting to know people on forums, so hopefully I will make some friends here. I take on board what you say about friendships, that sounds great advice.
Thanks again for the lovely welcome!
Tue Apr 29, 2008 3:46 pm
MysteryGirl Moderators
Joined: 02 Jun 2007
Posts: 3419
Location: I come from a land downunder
You are certainly not alone, Veryscared. There are a lot of us 'late bloomers' around though when I first found Mels I thought I was the only married woman who had EVER felt like this. And it took me to my early 50's to admit to myself that I could (and did) love another woman.
Spend some time reading the back pages of the various forums, expecially the Coming Out one, dont worry too much about your kids and family just yet, there is not rule that says you have to bring them into your own new found knowledge straight off, learn about yourself first, there's plenty of time.
HugZ, Noni _________________ Be yourself.............everybody else is taken!
Tue Apr 29, 2008 8:35 pm
Angel1 Moderators
Joined: 09 Mar 2007
Posts: 1518
Location: U.K
Awwwwwwww Hi (((((((((((((((veryscared)))))))))))
Welcome To ~
Mels
~ you will find a great deal of support here in this very special little haven, the ladies are just awesome and everyone is so caring.Pop into chat sometime,it's a great place to meet/make new friends.
with huge ((((((( hugs))))))
Angel1 x _________________ "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience.
We are spiritual beings having a human experience."
-Pierre Teilhard de Chardin (1881-1955)
Tue Apr 29, 2008 9:46 pm
newbeginning
Joined: 17 Apr 2008
Posts: 42
It does sound lovely here. Thanks for replying! I will go into the chat rooms and look through the coming out stuff thats on here!
Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:36 am
newbeginning
Joined: 17 Apr 2008
Posts: 42
Is it possible to have my name changed from very scared to newbeginning. Ive tried finding a mod to pm but am not getting anywhere at the moment. Can't work out how to send a pm today for some reason!
Cheers!
Sun Jun 08, 2008 1:32 pm
MysteryGirl Moderators
Joined: 02 Jun 2007
Posts: 3419
Location: I come from a land downunder
Hope you found a Mod to help you gal. Whoo Hooo, just like Real predicted you are changing your name. I wish you all the best in your New Beginning.
HugZ, Noni _________________ Be yourself.............everybody else is taken!
Sun Jun 08, 2008 3:40 pm
newbeginning
Joined: 17 Apr 2008
Posts: 42
Thank you for the support Noni! I haven't sussed out the pm system properly yet, I can reply to a message but have forgotten how to create a message. I'll have another try now!
Sun Jun 08, 2008 4:51 pm
Greenshadow
Joined: 29 Sep 2005
Posts: 176
Location: Near a tea cup
If you can find a post by the person you want to pm, there is a button that says "pm" in the same area as the "quote" and "profile" buttons beneath the post. You can click that and it'll take you straight to blank form for a pm to that person. Just type your message, and click "send." _________________ "My food is problematic."
-River Tam
Firefly
Sun Jun 08, 2008 8:14 pm
newbeginning
Joined: 17 Apr 2008
Posts: 42
Ah yes thank you greenshadow! No all I have to do is find a mod!
Mon Jun 09, 2008 7:09 am
Hawaiian
Joined: 01 Dec 2005
Posts: 816
Location: Transplanted to Africa
Aloha very,
I'm happy to see that you are already at the point that you want to change your user name.
You will need an administrator in order to accomplish a name change. The following names are administrators: melons, Raven, DarkChyldesKiss, and ghost. If you go back to the board's main page...just click on one of those names I mentioned, that will take you to the admin's profile page, and on there you will find a button to PM.
Good luck on your journey, and I hope to see you around the boards.
~Hawn _________________ 'A'a i ka hula, e waiho i ka hilahila i ka hale.
Dare to dance, leave your shyness at home.
Mon Jun 09, 2008 9:51 am
newbeginning
Joined: 17 Apr 2008
Posts: 42
Thank you hawaiian, I have pm'd raven!
Mon Jun 09, 2008 12:03 pm
Purp
Joined: 20 May 2008
Posts: 174
Location: I'm at my computer
Hi veryscared/NewBeginning. First, welcome to Mel's, in case no one said that yet. I hope you do find the courage to come out to your family and friends, and they are all ok with it. Hang in there, and remember, this is one great support group. Take care. _________________ Smile! You are loved!
Tue Jun 10, 2008 12:02 am
GreenEyedKiss Moderators
Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Posts: 682
Location: Barony of the Angels in the Kingdom of Caid.
NewBeginnings,
Its great to have you here, and the namechange is very appropriate. I wish you luck as you find yourself. It's a wonderful journey, and Mels is such a wonderful place to share your experiences with women who share what you're going through. I look forward to seeing you again. Pop into chat once in a while and youll be sure to make lots of wonderful friends.
Take care, hon.
Green _________________ "I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm getting it done." ~ADM
"What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others remains immortal"
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