I'm Nervous about Coming Out To My Family & Friends!!
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Quin
Joined: 04 Mar 2005
Posts: 12
Location: Queens, New York
I'm Nervous about Coming Out To My Family & Friends!!
I'm Nervous about Coming Out To My Family & Friends!!
I've never been in a serious realtionship with a girl!!
I thought about & girls wanted to have realtionships with me but I would say no!!
I always thought I would get to attach to the girl if we were a couple plus & I felt I couldn't date a girl what would my family say. So I would never really discuss that I've been with girls only to 1 or 2 friends.
My grandmother is a minister she would freak!!
Some of them know that I have had sex with girls!!
However it's different telling them I'm a Lesbian!!
I 've been in denial!! I've Been repressing it!!
Saying I'm in love with Brad Pitt I Like this Guy & stuff but deep down in my soul I really to be with a girl!!
I mean just in January I was making out with a GUY!!
But now I've been really thinking tapping into how I feel & how much more I'm attracted to Women to Now!!
I'm actually Scared but Happy I'm coming out my denial!!
The next step is to tell them but I'm still Nervous!!
Fri Mar 04, 2005 11:29 pm
BonsaiDragon
Joined: 01 Mar 2005
Posts: 11
Location: New Orleans
Tough situation. If you're really scared they won't accept you or even might throw you away because of it try something like this to find out how they feel on the subject. If you're lucky and a show comes on about being gay, comming out, ect. n' y'all watch it together.. say something like, I feel so sorry for that poor girl/guy. They were only being true to themselves or following their heart even knowing they might be rejected by thier family who's suppose to love them uncondiationaly.. see how they reply. Or watch a show that has known lesbians/gays n' make a comment that you're glad to see society's being more accepting of them n' their choices. Maybe a how horrible it must be for people to not be able to be themselves because their scared they'd be thrown away by the peope they love the most, their family. Or depending on your age.. tell them a girl/woman at school/work finaly came out to her family, she had been scared they wouldn't accept her for who she was and they treated her horribly, disowned her or threw her out of the house, mention how could family do that? Maybe throw in a God teaches us to love each other, look at how Jesus treated Madelline when everyone else wanted to stone her (sorry if I got that referance wrong, I'm not religious), if saying something along those lines would help with grandmother... although women generally aren't accepted as ministers in religion are they? So maybe that's a plus for you?
If you're young enough to not be able to live on your own yet I imagine this is absolutly horrifying. If the worst happened would you have somewhere to go?
Spose the ultimate question is.. could you accept not being able to be yourself on the chance that your family wouldn't be supportive or accepting? The saying "life's short" is all wrong if you have to live so many moments pretending to be something you're not just for others.
Best of luck to you hun n' remember this is your life to live happily ever after, I hope you can find a way to do just that.
O I would say try to find one person you know would be on your side no matter what, like a friend or sibling.. might help to be able to draw strength from their acceptance n' understanding of you.
Sat Mar 05, 2005 5:41 am
Mairi bheag
Joined: 04 Mar 2005
Posts: 5094
Location: Scotland
quote:Originally posted by BonsaiDragon:
I would say try to find one person you know would be on your side no matter what, like a friend or sibling.. might help to be able to draw strength from their acceptance n' understanding of you.
Our friend puts the wisest point last. You have made the first step by talking to us here - in a way that makes things easy, because many of us know what you are going through, but in another way it makes things difficult, because we're all a long way away, and you need the physical presence of someone who understands.
I'm 47. I had my first girlfriend when I was 13. I don't go around with a big badge saying "I'm Out", and I look pretty much like any other woman. So recently it occurred to me that I had a circle of female aquaintances who probably didn't know about my sexuality. So I told them. There were a couple of raised eyebrows, one woman said something like, "Oh, I knew THAT already!", and things went on as before, pretty much! One indirect spin-off was that later someone heard about this, and approached me to ask if she could keep me company - not really a sexual come-on, more a request for a bit of affectionate companionship.
Life is full of surprises. Stay calm and cool with yourself. Lots of luck and love to you.
Sat Mar 05, 2005 7:11 am
kendall
Joined: 24 Jan 2005
Posts: 99
Location: New York, US
I am in the same boat. I havent told my family yet either. I told my birth mother, but not my father or step mom or siblings...im scared..most of my friends now know about my sexuality now. Hang in there...I know what you are going thru. _________________ 49er FAN 4 LIFE.
Mon Mar 07, 2005 3:47 pm
Quin
Joined: 04 Mar 2005
Posts: 12
Location: Queens, New York
Thanks for support BonsaiDragon, Mairi bheag, kendall!!
Good Luck Kendall!! I'm here for you if you need support!! Hang In there!!
I told my mom aunt & uncle and my Crush Desiree who toled she just wants to stay friends!! They are a in shock that I'm Lesbian!!
I havent't old my step-dad or dad & my 2 friends yet & other family members yet!!
I'm Happy I'm NO longer in Denial & Know I can tell my family & friends & eventually hopefully find a Nice Girlfriend!!
Mon Mar 07, 2005 5:17 pm
BonsaiDragon
Joined: 01 Mar 2005
Posts: 11
Location: New Orleans
Congradulations hun!! Feels great aye? *big hugs*
Tue Mar 08, 2005 3:19 am
Quin
Joined: 04 Mar 2005
Posts: 12
Location: Queens, New York
Thaks again Bonsai Dragon!!
Thanks again everyone for the support it helped me alot!!
The Only thing annoying is My Uncle & Desiree are saying its a phase you know you still want MEN!!
My Uncle keeps talking ohter crap!! He likes I'm entilted tohave my opinion!! I told yeah have your opinion it doesn't matter what you say I know how I feel!!
LOL Oh Yeah Desiree & I are going to stay friends because Now she olny likes MEN NOW!!
Now I'm wondering how can I meet a really cool girl?!
Do you guys have advice on meeting girls?
I don't hang out that many people plus the people who I hang out are all Straight!!
Tue Mar 08, 2005 6:40 pm
Tigger Site Admin
Joined: 06 Feb 2004
Posts: 890
Quin
Well done ....and welcome.
Not sure where you live to try and give you some advice of where to meet people. ...let us know and we will try and come up with some ideas.
Tigs
Tue Mar 08, 2005 8:20 pm
Quin
Joined: 04 Mar 2005
Posts: 12
Location: Queens, New York
Thanks Tigger!! Everyone has been Awesome!! Thanks for yur support it has helped me alot!!
Wed Mar 09, 2005 8:12 am
Mairi bheag
Joined: 04 Mar 2005
Posts: 5094
Location: Scotland
quote:Originally posted by Quin:
Do you guys have advice on meeting girls?
It'll happen, don't worry.
Wed Mar 09, 2005 1:28 pm
Quin
Joined: 04 Mar 2005
Posts: 12
Location: Queens, New York
Thanks Mairi bheag!! I hope it happens a tleast in the next few months!!
Things happenin time!!
Wed Mar 09, 2005 8:53 pm
Mairi bheag
Joined: 04 Mar 2005
Posts: 5094
Location: Scotland
Just don't rush into things. I did when I was young. I became very promiscuous, fell in and out of love, hurt a lot of people, got terribly hurt myself, ended up in my twenties with a lot of emotional damage. I know it is a difficult thing to say to a youngster who is just starting out, but take it easy.
Thu Mar 10, 2005 7:25 am
Quin
Joined: 04 Mar 2005
Posts: 12
Location: Queens, New York
Mairi bheag Thanks you are right!! I should take my time meetinga girl!!
I jsut came to grips with my sexuality & I'm in college & working!!
I just hope one day I will meet a girl I that Connect with!!
Fri Mar 11, 2005 7:12 pm
nesha
Joined: 21 Feb 2005
Posts: 1
Location: Denmark
Hi
I was just thinking as I read the correspondance on this page - I don't know whether I've been naive or what, but it just hit me how identical situations lesbians are in, no matter where they come from. Sure Europe (which I live in) and America are both western nations, but there are still a big cultural difference across the Atlantic. And yet, Quin, I'm amazed how similar you've felt, compared to how I felt my self about....ermmm, I think I told my family in 1997, if I remember correctly, so that'll be 8 years (arrgh, time's running fast ) that I've been out.
I still remember it, I was totally scared and no one should tell me that I was lesbian, because I "KNEW" I was "only" bisexual" - well, that attitude has changed a bit since then. I was a complete chicken by the way. I didn't dare to come out in person, so I wrote letters to my mum and dad (who were and are divorced) and I remember my mum rang me up, crying, and it was totally confusing and really chaotic - but in time, things settled down and now I can introduce a new girlfriend and know that she will be totally accepted as the person she is. Back then, I thought it would take a miracle to be able to do that. So I guess miracles happens sometimes.
So don't worry, the girlfriend you dream of might be just around the corner.
Take care of yourself.
Nesha
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