i'm 21,and not really familiar with the gay culture. is it very common for people to get married, after being gay for a very long time? like, once they reach a certain age, they just decide they want children, and marry a person of the opposite sex? this makes me quite sad, but i can understand their reasons. how does it make you feel? do you have many friends who have done this?
i'm really asking about marriage. i mean you can have children with a man, and make him aware you just want the children. i'm sure many men would be willing to do so, and have an opportunity to have a 'little them' as well. thing is, i know of some people who have actually gotten married, and gone the whole caboodle for kids. i just don't think marriage is necessary.
~ Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me ~
Fri Oct 26, 2007 10:36 am
mazer34
Joined: 21 Oct 2007
Posts: 17
Location: scotland or day dream world
I got married after having my children just so I could be in the perfect family world and I feel like Im living a lie every day, not being the real me.It doesnt help when my family are very homophobic and I mean VERY.I have only been married for 2 years but I feel I have "made my bed so I will just have to lie in it" situation.There is no way I can come out as I would hurt too many people including the 3 children.I would advise others to think very carefully before geting married,maybe I should have thought about it more. But I made my vows in the eyes of God and have to stick by them. _________________ if homosexuality is a disease,lets all call in queer to work "hello,cant work today,still queer"
Wed Oct 31, 2007 10:58 am
Roman
Joined: 24 Jun 2005
Posts: 3187
quote:Originally posted by mazer34:
I got married after having my children just so I could be in the perfect family world and I feel like Im living a lie every day, not being the real me.It doesnt help when my family are very homophobic and I mean VERY.I have only been married for 2 years but I feel I have "made my bed so I will just have to lie in it" situation.There is no way I can come out as I would hurt too many people including the 3 children.I would advise others to think very carefully before geting married,maybe I should have thought about it more. But I made my vows in the eyes of God and have to stick by them.
~ Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me ~
Fri Nov 02, 2007 12:24 pm
Maureen Welch
Joined: 14 Jan 2008
Posts: 28
Location: Chicago,Il.USA
I knew
At age twelve I knew that I was gay, which was a term not in general use back then ( circa 1961 ), but I still married at age 21 and raised a family ( 2 daughters 1 son ) my husband died in 2006 after 36+ years of marriage. Now I have a woman life partner, who is also a member at mel's. I love my children who are fine,well adjusted, and raising families of there own, but now it is my time.I do not regret my choice of getting married and would still be if my Dan had not died.But life must go on, and I do not plan on telling my children at this time.My life partner Trina loves mel's and I hope to get in stride with the very friendly ladies here.
An update on my situation - I have told my three grown children and they seem to be accepting.
Mo - Trina's Loving Soulmate !
_________________ Knowledge will banish fear and hate.
Last edited by Maureen Welch on Wed Feb 13, 2008 9:44 pm; edited 1 time in total
Tue Jan 15, 2008 10:01 am
Karigan
Joined: 02 Feb 2008
Posts: 59
I knew I liked women at an early age, more so in my teen years. I surpressed that side of me and I have been married to my husband now for 17 years with 3 kids. I am just now starting to unravel and wish I followed my heart at such a young age and experimented. My train of thought was I must get married have a house and kids by age 30.
I just wish being a lesbian was more accepted back when I was in high school. Back then there was no internet or people to talk to about my feelings. (I am age 42.)
Wed Feb 06, 2008 2:20 pm
Maureen Welch
Joined: 14 Jan 2008
Posts: 28
Location: Chicago,Il.USA
I have now told my children who are grown, I am 60. I do not regret telling them and they seem to have accepted my choice of lifestyle.
Mo - Trina's Loving Soulmate
! _________________ Knowledge will banish fear and hate.
Wed Feb 13, 2008 9:42 pm
Beyonce Welch
Joined: 09 Nov 2007
Posts: 97
Location: Chicago, Ill USA
I married at age 21 even though I knew that
I was different
, the marriage lasted 19 years ! - Beyonce _________________ Hate is a four letter word
A day without makeup is equal to a day in purgatory
Dangerous when blonde
Tue Feb 19, 2008 3:08 am
sothernnite
Joined: 12 Jun 2005
Posts: 259
Location: South Georgia
i married 2 years after highschool and was married for 7 years after that during which we had 2 beautiful girls. i married him because it was expected in a small town with small minds. HOWEVER....
i found out that i had the smallest mind of them all.
i was severely depressed, even attempted suicide which thanks to a friend it was a foiled attempt. but after that i realized why i felt that way to begin with.
i failed to the see the beauty in myself. i regret that i tried soething so stupid. and i dont share that part of my life often. but it is amazing the things we put ourselves through to make sure everyone ELSE loves us...
i came out in 1999 when i left my husband. and yes, ive always known i was gay. and instead of all those small town folks rejecting me...including family, i was welcomed with open arms. there were only a couple of people that backed away from me.
but namely, my kids accepted me... and still do. they even commented on how much happier i was after all that. i dont regret getting married by any means...otherwise i wouldnt have the gift of these 2 beautiful people in my life.
point is...do what your heart desires as long as it isnt endangering other people... and love...gay or straight... isnt dangerous.
but i dont know of one lesbian that has gotten married AFTER she came out even for the sake of havin kids
Tue Aug 26, 2008 7:26 pm
twilight
Joined: 29 Sep 2004
Posts: 1035
Location: First Star on the Right Straight on til Morning
Ok, this is my story... I came out in college, had a very loving relationship with a woman for almost 2 years. We were happy with each other, but the presures and hate we recieved from others (threats, harrassing phone calls, vandalism to my car, and one call to the dean of student teaching that nearly cost me my degree). That hate scared us both. We caved to the pressure. We broke up... And I started living a lie, again. I dated men, had my first child, married a man, had my second child... Eventually I had had enough. My marriage ended 4 years ago Thursday. Ever since then I have been out and proud. The atmosphere of acceptance is better this time around, thank the Goddess. So, yes I got married after I had came out, but still it was an attempt to hide my sexuality.
I can think of three couples that I have known or known of that were gay men with lesbian females. These were legal marriages. They were for the sake of having children, and raising them with both parents in the same house. It would not be what I would do, but it was what worked for them. I know that at least one of the women involved had a g/f live with her while still married to the gay man. It was all really confusing. And like I said not what I would choose. They did have the financiall benefits of marriage though and it worked for them. To each their own.
But, all in all, to me... marriage to a man after realising you are lesbian is simply living a lie. I can't see how that works well for anyone. _________________ Twilight, Her Royal Highness, The Queen of Fun and Games
The lengthening shadows wait The first pale stars of twilight. ~~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
Tue Aug 26, 2008 10:43 pm
Cavewoman
Joined: 06 Sep 2005
Posts: 2056
Location: nearby
1st. I read part of some of the responses
2nd. I read little of the majority of the responses
3rd. I read the original post
my response... sounds to me like you don't know what on earth you want to do... which means you are NOT ready to raise children.. SO, doesn't really matter .... until YOU know who YOU are YOU have NO business raising children... so just stop. plain old stop.
There are enough kids and enough mothers/fathers on this planet already who have no freaking idea of who they are or why they are..... don't bother adding to the collective.. its already overstuffed. _________________ " The sorcerers in life are created within each of us" --- Lynn V. Andrews
Wed Aug 27, 2008 1:58 am
charliegirl
Joined: 04 Jan 2007
Posts: 98
Location: Queensland Australia
Cavewoman I have to agree with you, the OP is all over the place so shouldnt be thinking about children. Sort out your beliefs, reasons and ideas then wait some then think again. Kids are a whole different ball game.
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But I made my vows in the eyes of God and have to stick by them.
