I am in a ambiguous situation with a good friend of mine. In my opinion, we somewhat flirt. She is bi and engaged to a man and I identify as straight. We don't get to talk too frequently due to the fact that she is busy with school as am I. She has become more forward with me when she's been inebriated. She tells me she wants to ask me if she can make out with me. She asks me if I would have sex with her in the restaurant bathroom hypothetically. She often asks me if I have ever/would ever have sex with a girl. I think that is her favorite question to ask me. She's made references to a girl she dated when she was much younger and the way she has described her are very similar to adjectives she has called me before. I am really confused if she's hinting at something or I am reading too much into drunken advances of sorts?
Thu Jan 27, 2005 2:10 am
Manon
Joined: 28 Jan 2005
Posts: 2
Location: Italy
she wants to have sex with you, that's quite obvious. What about you? If you wanna try, do so. But keep in mind that probably she's not looking for a relationship, a love affair or anything: it's only sex. Sometimes it can be fun that way too.
Fri Jan 28, 2005 9:53 am
lowbrowartfan
Joined: 27 Jan 2005
Posts: 16
The sex in the bathroom question was directed at me and a guy friend. I don't know if that makes a difference or not. She's kinda hot and cold with me. Sometimes she confuses me and sometimes it's like there is nothing there, which is confusing in itself. Perhaps it's just the alcohol talking?
Thank you for your response(s). I need all the help i can get.
Fri Jan 28, 2005 2:13 pm
DanceofSorrows
Joined: 29 Aug 2004
Posts: 2837
Low,
If it weren't for alcohol, half the kids today might not have been born lol. Alcohol was always a great sexual stimulant as you know already.
What I am curious about is if you are considering the possibilities with her? In my view that seems more the question, but I can be wrong. To be sure someone's advances are thier true intent would make it safe to pursue for yourself then, right? I didn't percieve that you were uncomfortable with her questions in your post. What do you think?
Dance~
Fri Jan 28, 2005 3:00 pm
lowbrowartfan
Joined: 27 Jan 2005
Posts: 16
I agree that the possibilities are indeed the question. I honestly don't know if I find out what her true intention is, what I will do. I do know I wouldn't do anything to compromise our friendship and help her cheat on her boyfriend/fiance. I think though if she asked me again when we were drunk to make out with her, unless it was an attention whore type thing, i prolly would as long as it wouldn't make things awkward. It would be some good ole drunken fun I suppose. I just really don't like the ambiguity of the situation. I worry that my suspicions might be reading too much into the situation. Thanks for all your help!
Fri Jan 28, 2005 7:48 pm
DanceofSorrows
Joined: 29 Aug 2004
Posts: 2837
There is your conflict.
"I wouldn't do anything to compromise our friendship and help her cheat on her boyfriend/fiance"
vrs.
" I think though if she asked me again when we were drunk to make out with her, unless it was an attention whore type thing, i prolly would"
Your conflict is not about her, it is about your own values and desires, fears. I commend you for the courage to bring these things to the surface and look at them. Honestly ask yourself if you would compromise your own values or even look at your value system again. Regardless of the possible opportunites (now or later on)... and for all of us really, each and every one... the process of defining or redefining our value system gives us strength and direction.
Whatever you decide to do, it is my hopes you be true to you (where our responsibilities lie).
Hugs~
Dance~
Fri Jan 28, 2005 8:30 pm
lowbrowartfan
Joined: 27 Jan 2005
Posts: 16
Thank you Dance for your wisdom and commendation. I just wish I knew if I am looking for something that is not there (her intentions) or it will become increasingly obvious that there is something and I will have to make a choice. I want some sort of defintive answer so that I don't have to continue to wonder if certain actions and words have a deeper meaning. Anyone have a definitive answer for me to end this confusion?
Fri Jan 28, 2005 9:32 pm
lowbrowartfan
Joined: 27 Jan 2005
Posts: 16
I recently somewhat received my answer. She apologized if she made me feel uncomfortable the night she was most forward with me. I found it odd b/c we have mentioned it in other conversations and she said nothing. I am curious as to why she decided to now. It appears that I was just at the right place at the right time when she was in the right inebriated state. She said that she is very affectionate with whoever happens to be around and it seems that was me. I still don't quite understand but I have the impression now that I was reading too much into things and should just immediately disregard any further inebriated actions of her.
Tue Feb 22, 2005 2:24 pm
ashamed
Joined: 24 Jan 2005
Posts: 118
Location: Russia
friends must be friends. indeed it's rather difficult to be just friends with someone sometime. i had such a problem, but we had sex long ago, ehan we decided to be friends and not too have sex, it was rather fun. you lay near on one sofa, and you think about sex, but you close your eyes and sleep)))and on the next day we phhone each other and spoke about it. oh, i wanted to have sex with you, aga so do i, why didn't you tell me, i don't know and why you didn't tell me, it's too strange)))it was rather funny. now, we speak about sex as about a toy which is too expensive for us))) we even can't prteend it)))
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