Joined: 30 Dec 2006
Posts: 80
Location: Pacific Northwest
Is it too late at 40?
Hi ladies. I have not properly introduced myself, but I've been reading these forums for a couple of months now and I like the supportive environment that you provide here. I also like the sense of humor that I find here (where appropriate, since there are also very serious issues discussed here).
Anyway, I have a question that I'm hoping you can comment on or give advice about. I'm 40 and quite successful professionally (in a male-dominated profession). And I'm pretty certain that I'm a lesbian, i.e. I like women. Thing is, for the longest time, I've resisted acting on my feelings for other women. I've done absolutely nothing about it. I have not really given myself grief over this self-imposed resistance, since concentrating on my career was more than enough to keep me distracted 24/7. But now that I feel that I really long to be in a serious and meaningful relationship with a woman, at the age of 40 (gawd, talk about a late bloomer!), I can't help but wonder if it's too late to find that special someone. I kinda look at it from a statistical point of view -- only a small percentage of the adult population are gay, and add to that the age factor, and I figure that the odds are against me.
What do you think? Is it too late to find that special someone at 40? I don't mean to offend those in the same age group or older by asking this question -- I post the question because I have no clue about things like this, and am interested in hearing other people's views about this.
I'm looking forward to reading your replies and expriences. Maybe there are anonymous readers out who would be interested in reading this thread also.
Sat Dec 30, 2006 10:53 am
fortheloveofagood... Site Admin
Joined: 17 Dec 2005
Posts: 2216
Location: loves land of plenty
Hey Love is (all that matters )
I am going to keep this short and sweet and say, it is never, ever, too late for anything, and that includes finding love, for you, for others, for that special someone...
my mum came out 10 years after me, and she also left a professional mainstream job to become a minister, all in her 40's, this month she goes to New Zealand, she is now 51, she has the rest of her life to look forward to...
so, wanna start being you? living your life defined by your terms, wants, needs and desires? wanna get down and dirty with a woman who makes you go weak at the knees? that when you look, never mind kiss her, every part of your body melts, and nothing else matters except you and her? want to share these experiences with other women who know exactly what you are talking about?
'don't hate your enemies, it clouds your judgement'
~peace comes from knowing only love is real~
Sat Dec 30, 2006 11:57 am
Dark prism
Joined: 10 Dec 2006
Posts: 865
Location: California Dreamin, baby.
Well, I'm in the exact same position, so I certainly hope it's still possible.
Welcome to Mels! I'm glad you finally decided to post. I hope to see you around the boards alot.
Dp
Sat Dec 30, 2006 11:58 am
realwoman
Joined: 05 Dec 2005
Posts: 1040
Location: under our tree in Africa
Re: Is it too late at 40?
quote:Originally posted by Love Is:
.......
concentrating on my career was more than enough to keep me distracted 24/7. But now that I feel that I really long to be in a serious and meaningful relationship with a woman, at the age of 40 (gawd, talk about a late bloomer!), I can't help but wonder if it's too late to find that special someone. I kinda look at it from a statistical point of view -- only a small percentage of the adult population are gay, and add to that the age factor, and I figure that the odds are against me.
What do you think? Is it too late to find that special someone at 40? ......
(((((((((((((((((LOVE IS))))))))))))))))
Firstly, so pleased to meet u , and WELCOME TO MELS!!!!
Secondly, to give a short answer to your question '
Is it too late to find that special someone at 40?
", is NO, its not too late, most definately not. not at 40, 50, 60, 70, etc...
The long answer? My story is quite similar to yours...avoided my sexuality since like forever for various reasons, went up as high as possible for a woman in my work, then started to face my reality at the age of 38....and stopped avoiding those situations where i knew my attaction to a woman would 'give me away'...
I started to be very honest with myself, and learned to love myself, and then, it just happened!! I met the woman of my dreams, we both fell deeply in love with each other, both aged about 40!
She also told me, when i marveleled at this and how we beat the odds, that the odds was not so big against us: 15% of woman come out only AFTER the age of 40!!
So there is a whole new world out there just waiting for you to explore and enjoy!! Start being who u really are TODAY!
Have fun, and keep us posted!
Huge hugs,
~real _________________ .
.
light is to darkness as love is to fear...
Sat Dec 30, 2006 2:09 pm
butterflypuzzle
Joined: 13 Nov 2006
Posts: 32
Location: Dallas
LOL Goodness I hope not! I turn 40 in October and am sincerely hoping to find that girl of my dreams _________________
Sat Dec 30, 2006 5:17 pm
Enigma
Joined: 27 Dec 2006
Posts: 22
Location: UK
I am 40 and I don't consider myself past it!
I was a late 'comer-outer' too, in fact I never actually have as I am also in a professional male dominated environment - management consultancy and so I figure it is none of their business what I do in my own time.
The secret to finding love with a man or woman, whether 20, 40 or 60 is to not try too hard and have fun and enjoy yourself as that makes for a very attractive person. Do find out the local gay friendly areas close to where you live (I can tel you are not British by your spelling so I can't suggest anywhere!) Also maybe hang around here for a while and get comfortable talking to lesbians and realise we are actually pretty normal really ! (well some of us anyway )
I am new here too and like you have found it a very friendly site
Sat Dec 30, 2006 8:33 pm
Dark prism
Joined: 10 Dec 2006
Posts: 865
Location: California Dreamin, baby.
Hey, Love is, apparently you have tapped the motherlode of 40 ish lesbians who are looking too. We're all here at Mels!!!
LOL!
Hang in there, baby!
(Is your name from the Vanessa Williams song? I love that song.)
Dp _________________ "Fighting for this girl - on the battlefield of love."
Sat Dec 30, 2006 8:38 pm
slacko
Joined: 13 Jan 2006
Posts: 71
Hi Love Is ............
I am well past the age of 40 .............. but - in my humble opinion - I seem to see more lovely single ladies and opportunities now than when I was 20!!!!
NOT that I am looking as I have been with my lovely lady for 32 years and we are just as much in love now as all those years ago!!!!!
We were both "professional" people and while we kept things "hidden" for several years (we thought) - there is a tremendous freedom with being out.
NOT that we are out "in your face" types, but friends and business colleagues just accept us as we are and it makes for a very happy relaxed lifestyle. I guess there are those that don't accept us - but - well - I guess we just don't see them!
All the very best for 2007 ............. I am sure a special woman will enter your life!!!!!
Cheers - Slacko
Sun Dec 31, 2006 4:19 am
Love Is
Joined: 30 Dec 2006
Posts: 80
Location: Pacific Northwest
Thanks to all who have replied so far, and for all the virtual hugs! You're a great bunch of gals! It's reassuring to hear from those who are or were in the same situation that I am now. Gives me hope, know what I'm saying? Hugs to all of ya. Mmmwah!
Sun Dec 31, 2006 5:22 am
Love Is
Joined: 30 Dec 2006
Posts: 80
Location: Pacific Northwest
quote:Originally posted by fortheloveofagood...:
my mum came out 10 years after me, and she also left a professional mainstream job to become a minister, all in her 40's, this month she goes to New Zealand, she is now 51, she has the rest of her life to look forward to...
why wait?
Kx
Hi forthelove. Wow, how cool is that about your mum?!
And you're right -- why wait? I have no excuse!
Sun Dec 31, 2006 5:31 am
Love Is
Joined: 30 Dec 2006
Posts: 80
Location: Pacific Northwest
Re: Is it too late at 40?
quote:Originally posted by realwoman:
I started to be very honest with myself, and learned to love myself, and then, it just happened!! I met the woman of my dreams, we both fell deeply in love with each other, both aged about 40!
She also told me, when i marveleled at this and how we beat the odds, that the odds was not so big against us: 15% of woman come out only AFTER the age of 40!!
Hi realwoman. Thanks for the warm welcome, and for sharing your story. I don't know you personally, but I can't help but feel happy when I hear stories like yours. So, I feel happy for you and your partner.
That's an interesting statistic that you provided -- that 15% of women come out after the age of 40. It'll probably stick in my head from now on.
Sun Dec 31, 2006 5:42 am
Love Is
Joined: 30 Dec 2006
Posts: 80
Location: Pacific Northwest
quote:Originally posted by butterflypuzzle:
LOL Goodness I hope not! I turn 40 in October and am sincerely hoping to find that girl of my dreams
LOL, we have the same hopes, butterflypuzzle. Good luck to both of us!
Sun Dec 31, 2006 5:48 am
Love Is
Joined: 30 Dec 2006
Posts: 80
Location: Pacific Northwest
quote:Originally posted by Enigma:
The secret to finding love with a man or woman, whether 20, 40 or 60 is to not try too hard and have fun and enjoy yourself as that makes for a very attractive person. Do find out the local gay friendly areas close to where you live (I can tel you are not British by your spelling so I can't suggest anywhere!) Also maybe hang around here for a while and get comfortable talking to lesbians and realise we are actually pretty normal really ! (well some of us anyway )
I think that's good advice, Enigma. LOL, maybe I should move to the UK!
Sun Dec 31, 2006 5:53 am
Love Is
Joined: 30 Dec 2006
Posts: 80
Location: Pacific Northwest
quote:Originally posted by Dark prism:
(Is your name from the Vanessa Williams song? I love that song.)
Thanks for the warm welcome, Dp. I'll answer your question about my username in that other thread that you started.
Sun Dec 31, 2006 5:57 am
Love Is
Joined: 30 Dec 2006
Posts: 80
Location: Pacific Northwest
quote:Originally posted by slacko:
NOT that I am looking as I have been with my lovely lady for 32 years and we are just as much in love now as all those years ago!!!!!
Hi slacko. Oh, if only I should be so lucky as you and your partner! Really, I feel happy for the two of you. Thanks for the good wishes!
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