1 out of 3 women sexually abused Goto page Previous1, 2
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SuckMeUpButtercup1844
Joined: 07 Mar 2007
Posts: 11
Location: Den Haag, Nederland
I am 1 out of 3 as well; and I get very upset when people think I am gay because of all the abuse I have suffered. It's true that every guy I have met has always wanted sex from me. I was abused from my 6th to my 12th by someone who was supposed to take care of me like a brother, my babysitter's son.
He was the main one that abused me continually but there have been others..He died 3 years back in a carcrash and that's when I finally had the courage to come out and tell my parents and other loved ones.
I am very traumatized by it still; it's incredibly hard for me to let go sexually because I don't want to lose that control. I still freak out if someone puts their hand around my neck for example.
The worst thing is though..penetration, maybe that's not what I am supposed to talk about. But it's something that's holding me back maybe the most in my life.
A lot of things I don't remember because I blocked most of it out as a kid; sort of like a self-defence mechanism.
This is not why I am gay though; I am gay because I was born that way. I have known that I like women since I was 4 years old.
Being abused only made my disgust for men stronger. I
don't
trust them at all. The only guy I trust is my dad.
I am a very complex person, with a lot of screwed issues, and I wish I could just let go of the past. not let it haunt me anymore.
Maybe someday..
Sorry, I'm at my work so can't post as much as I would like to say in this thread. _________________ I will be the answer
At the end of the line
I will be there for you
While you take the time
In the burning of uncertainty
I will be your solid ground
I will hold the balance
If you can't look down
~Answer - Sarah Mclachlan~
Tue Mar 27, 2007 10:49 am
Dark prism
Joined: 10 Dec 2006
Posts: 865
Location: California Dreamin, baby.
quote:Originally posted by kultis:
Anyways, I know someone who has been sexually abused several times, she's very close to me. I never have the courage to ask her to talk about it but I know it has affected her life and I want to help her out with that. I don't know if it's bothering her or if she even thinks about it (prolly not), I just would like to help her out.
Kultis, I am no expert, but if she remembers the abuse, then, yeah, it bothers her and she thinks about it. Everyone is different, and handles these things differently, but it doesn't just go away. I think all you can do is let her know you support her and if she wants to talk, you are there for her. It will have to be on her terms and when she is ready. Just let her know you care.
SMUButtercup, ok, you get an extra hug, hon.
(((((((((((((((((((((((SuckMeUpButtercup1844))))))))))))))))))))))
I hope you will come back when you have more time and continue to talk about this subject if you want. I don't think there is anything you can't talk about here. I have found it very therapeutic to talk about this subject here, and am amazed at the women on this site that have shared so much with me. I feel this is a safe place, hon, and we care. I am not an expert, but if you would prefer to talk to someone in private about this, feel free to PM me. Take care, hon.
Dp
Wed Mar 28, 2007 7:04 am
SuckMeUpButtercup1844
Joined: 07 Mar 2007
Posts: 11
Location: Den Haag, Nederland
(((((((((((((((((Dark Prism))))))))))))))))))))
Thank you so much for making me feel comfortable talking about it.
Ever since reading this post, the old feelings and memories have come drifting back to the surface, and I have to say that I wasn't prepared for that. But who ever is?
So i've finally decided to go for counceling, which is a really big step for me because I don't talk about my feelings.
I can see how it still really affects me; I work at a company where it's a mens-culture and 99% of those guys hit on me. Yesterday i got stuck in the elevator with one of my male co-workers and he came onto me so strongly it freaked me out. He invaded my private space and looked into my eyes intensly, saying he wanted to seduce me.
I, afterwards, told this to my other co-worker and friend Nermin (a woman) and she laughed at me, asking me what the big deal about that was. I guess that's what it looks like to outsiders, why are you making a fuss about it, nothing happened.
And maybe I AM overreacting..
Prism, you went through the same thing, how have you dealt with it? Or are you trying to deal with it?
(((((((((((((((((((((Kultis)))))))))))))))))))))))
My sweet fiancée, thank you for wanting to help me. You're the only person I will truly open up to so that means a lot to me. Maybe someday soon, I can actually start sharing it with you. Just give me time, I am trying .
I love you <3 _________________ I will be the answer
At the end of the line
I will be there for you
While you take the time
In the burning of uncertainty
I will be your solid ground
I will hold the balance
If you can't look down
~Answer - Sarah Mclachlan~
Thu Mar 29, 2007 7:22 am
kultis
Joined: 17 May 2005
Posts: 341
Location: a finn living in dutchland atm..
((((((((((((((((((((SuckMe)))))))))))))))))))
Haha, I can use that! LOL.
Anyways, of course. I'm always here for you! I wll give you all the time you need, no rush. Just know that I'm here for you and always will be. i'm so proud of you tho!
Ik hou ook van je <3!
kult.
_________________
There is something about that feeling
That gets me excited, when I
Step on that plane and fly away
Missing, dreaming, wanting
To step on that plane again
Go somewhere far, far away
Where dreams do come true
Joined: 10 Dec 2006
Posts: 865
Location: California Dreamin, baby.
SButtercup,
I am very glad you feel comfortable here, and I am also very glad you have decided to seek counseling. Thats a big step in itself.
I don't think you overreacted to that scene in the elevator at all, I would have totally freaked out, and I think it was insensitive of your female co-worker to react like that. I also think you may have an issue of sexual harrasment in the workplace and maybe your superiors should be notified. That was really wrong on his part, and you need to stop it from going further, and stop him from doing it to other women.
As far as me going through the same thing, I think it is different for everyone, and everone handles it differently. How have a I dealt with it? Well, I didn't deal with it for about 30 years. I would think about it sometimes, and get this disgusting feeling in my stomach, but I never talked about it once the initial situation was over. I never forgot though. I never sought counseling, and still probably won't, but I do think it is a good idea. What has helped me actually is talking about it here. Starting this thread and talking to other women in Mels who have shared their stories with me, somehow has helped me. I guess it has clarified things in my own head about how I feel about what happened to me.
I think you really have to go at your own pace with this. I told my gf that I would tell her all about it, I thought I was ready, but when it came time to do it, as I started to type, I got the most awful feeling in my head and stomach. A feeling I really can't even describe. A feeling I have never had before, and I could not bring myself to do it. It really kinda shocked me in its intensity. It was as if my brain and stomach were screaming NO! at the same time, and I couldn't even bring myself to write it on the screen. I was really surprised at the intense physical reaction I had over this, and I am aware that I probably should seek counseling about this. Like I said, I am really glad you have decided to.
My gf was great about it though, and let me know she supported me and was there whenever, if ever, I was ready to talk about it. It is a comfort to know that she is there and understands I need to take it at my own pace. I'm really glad you have Kultis there for you who obviously loves you and supports you.
I don't quite know what else to say. Please remember that I am no expert in these matters, I am just giving my perspective. It does make me happy though that you are at least talking about it here, and please feel free to continue, either here or in PM.
(By the way, there is another thread here in this section called "Do we have a choice regarding our sexuality" by Flapdoodle-Fox. It also discusses this topic and might interest you.)
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