1 out of 3 women sexually abused Goto page 1, 2Next
Author
Thread
Dark prism
Joined: 10 Dec 2006
Posts: 865
Location: California Dreamin, baby.
1 out of 3 women sexually abused
I have heard many times over the years that it is thought that one out of every three women has been a victim of some sort of sexual abuse.
I have been reading through a lot of old threads, and although it is discussed here and there, I haven't found any threads specifically about this topic.
Now, I'm sure we have all heard it said a million times that lesbians were probably sexually abused by men and that is why they turned to women.
To me, the numbers don't add up on this because if one third of all women are victims, then with this so called logic, one third of all women would be lesbians. I know we don't know the exact numbers for either group because so many women will not admit to either, but isn't it thought that about 5-10% of the population are lesbians? (Not really sure of the exact statistics on this.)
I am one out of three. I was abused as a child by a semi-stranger. (Ahh, another first for me. I have never told anyone that before.) I very stongly believe that was not what "turned" me lesbian, I was born this way and am just attracted to women, but I of course cannot prove it, or disprove it, but it bothers me to hear people say that is the cause. It seems to invalidate my identity.
I personally don't think it matters why someone is who they are, whether from abuse or not, they are who they are and should be accepted for it, as long as they are not hurting anyone else.
So many anti-gay people point to sexual abuse as being the cause. Ok, so what if it is? Now what? You now think you have the "cause". What are you going to do about it? Are you going to stop sexual abuse? Great, but if that could be accomplished, it already would have. Why keep blaming and persecuting the victims?
I feel like I am rambling here and don't know if I am making sense, but was wondering what everybody else thought on this subject.
Dp
Tue Dec 19, 2006 9:18 am
Mystic
Joined: 23 Oct 2006
Posts: 194
Dp,
First of all, I'd like to apologize for not seeing this awesome thread sooner.
I do most definately have thoughts on this subj.! and will direct someone else this way too
I reall am glad you brought it up and I think you have really insightful thoughts with intelligence.
I am really proud of you for sharing what you have shared.
There is a book, The Courage To Heal, and it has a small tiny section on this bit, near same exact what you said about lesbians, the statistics, etc, and how the numbers don't add up.
I also get angry when ppl assume abuse is the cause factor.
I am not sure of which, I am assuming that both may be the case in point for me, but I believe that environment effects behavior as well as heridity.
I hate men's touch, always have, abused by many men or not, not sure if I'd hated it before or not, but as case in point in the book, not all women that are gay have been violated by men, so where do the statisistics go then?
I get very angry at this subj. and it kinda gets me in trouble
mystic
Sat Dec 30, 2006 9:00 am
Dark prism
Joined: 10 Dec 2006
Posts: 865
Location: California Dreamin, baby.
GET ANGRY!!! You won't get in trouble here.
Such a sadness comes over me when I see either of you write about your abuse, or anyone really.
Child sexual abuse is just so wrong, such an utter disrespect of innocence and purity by adults who should know better, by adults that were given the responsibility to do whats best for the children in their care, which should have come naturally and been easy, but instead took selfish unfair advantage in the worst way possible, with no regard to the long term pain it would cause. I find it so sad because nothing can be done about what is in the past, and it is so hard to stop what is happening to children now. Utter sadness, a seething hatred, and anger are what I feel about this subject.
(End of rant)
On the other hand it makes me happy to see you (or anyone) discussing it, because I know that is what you need to do, and by doing that you are moving forward.
I can't even fathom what you have been through, and I don't know if it was as a child, or adult, or both. I'm sure it was worse than what I went through, and I am glad you seem to be working through it, but sad that it will probably be a lifelong process.
(As you can tell, I have alot of conflicting emotions. )
Thanks for your response, I truly appreciate it. I realized after I posted here that this board doesn't get alot of traffic. I figured someone would find it someday, and you did.
Dp
Sat Dec 30, 2006 10:40 am
Mystic
Joined: 23 Oct 2006
Posts: 194
((((Dark)))) big hugs to you! lol
One thing that is vital to anyone's healing, including your's, is to not compare pain. I am sure your's was as devastating as mine or anyone's was or is.
Mine was mostly as a child, yet it followed me into adulthood, in the choices I made and ppl I met.
It is good to hear what you say about it, and refreshing, honestly.
It is a lifelong process, and it gets REALLY REALLY daunting! Honestly.
Sometimes I'm not even sure it's worth it.
I think that since ppl see it 'all' the time or that it is in the past
that it doesn't hurt or matter to us anymore, but oh, it does. I wish
that it didn't. It leaves scars on our lives, impacts us. The nightmares, the wounds so deep, you (me) not even sure can reach all the places and replace them with what was meant to be there instead of hurt and lost innocence, I mean what was meant to be there anyways? Love? What is love when you are taught love is someone abusing you, touching you, sex? What is sex when it's all you know, see? What is life apart from that? When you try to strive for more sometimes it seems like getting knocked the hell out of breath realizing that you may never be more. That you may never find out who you really are, because they took it when they took your identity long ago. Did you even have an identity then?
mystic
Sat Dec 30, 2006 7:31 pm
Dark prism
Joined: 10 Dec 2006
Posts: 865
Location: California Dreamin, baby.
God, I feel for you. I guess part of my love of women is wanting so badly to erase that kind of pain for any woman when I hear about it, and, of course, not being able to.
My situation was different. It was not by someone I trusted any more than you would trust any adult. It didn't go on for long. But when I think about it, it just makes me feel embarrased and ashamed, which is why I have never discussed it with anyone after it was all done. That was about 30 years ago.
I honestly don't think it has effected me that much except for maybe general trust issues, and maybe giving me a hypersensitivity to the issue in general.
I hope your responses here have helped you as much as they have helped me.
I think that any instance like that is serious and effects a heart and soul.
If it didn't effect you so much why would you want to so badly erase that pain for other's? Maybe because you understand it all too well? I have been abused by strangers, family, friends, etc. and it all hurts. Pain is pain.
There is something at the surface that I keep wanting to say or bring up on this subject but I can't seem to formulate it yet to say it and remember exactly what it was I was wanting to say.
Ahhh, it was along the lines of one feeling isolated, alone, crazy even maybe. I know that when I didn't know other ppl that had been through what I had how I didn't know that it was "normal" to feel the way that I did, do. I started reading books on the subj, and looking online and gained an online "family" or ppl that I talked too.
I am so different then when I first began. I never dreamed I would be divorcing a few yrs down the road and now in an intimate relationship with a woman. I feel I am finally finding who I am. Growing up and healing and staggering around a bit, I feel .
Anyways, it is normal to feel how you feel. But the shame is not your's Dark. Ok? You do not need to feel embarrased.
I was thinking of sending you something I wrote or if I share it on here, I will direct ya to it, alright? I write things to get in touch with my feelings, etc.
I believe that we stuff and shove our pain below the surface so deep that we forget how we feel about it, until we really get in touch with it. I believe that if you dug deep enough, scary, huh? You'd find maybe you had more pain or feelings there then you realize, but only you know when you are ready, that is my belief on the matter. I don't believe in pushing anyone for their healing, etc. If you are ok with where you are, so am I. I just wanted to share that.
((((Dark))))))
take care of you for me
your friend,
myst
Sat Dec 30, 2006 9:53 pm
Dark prism
Joined: 10 Dec 2006
Posts: 865
Location: California Dreamin, baby.
You're so sweet.
Send me anything you'd like, I'd be happy to have it.
Please tell Moon how lucky she is, again.
Dp
Sat Dec 30, 2006 10:44 pm
Mystic
Joined: 23 Oct 2006
Posts: 194
hey Dark,
I been thinking of you and which bit of my writing to send, got a lil busy but have wanted to respond to this again just haven't had time.
I just wanted you to know that...
myst
Thu Jan 04, 2007 5:19 am
Dark prism
Joined: 10 Dec 2006
Posts: 865
Location: California Dreamin, baby.
Mystics, Awww, thanks for thinking of me, but there is no hurry on anything, seriously. I've been busy too. I started writing a story for the story forum (a first for me), and I can't seem to get my butt out of chat!!!
So, seriously, no hurry, take your time. I really appreciate your responses on this. Love to see you in chat too.
((((((((((((((((Mystics and Moon)))))))))))))))))))))))
Dp
Thu Jan 04, 2007 5:48 am
Mystic
Joined: 23 Oct 2006
Posts: 194
ahhhh! i had written out something for ya but i accidently deleted it somehow and need to get ready for work and be with my g/f a bit before i leave so gotta try again later.
Sat Jan 06, 2007 7:57 am
Mystic
Joined: 23 Oct 2006
Posts: 194
hey Dark,
I just wanted to make sure you are still checking back here because didn't wanna keep responding here if no one is reading ... feel like a dumbass then, rofl..anyways...
lol
mystic
Sun Jan 14, 2007 9:33 pm
Dark prism
Joined: 10 Dec 2006
Posts: 865
Location: California Dreamin, baby.
I am on Mels multiple times throughout the day and night and I check everywhere. I am totally hooked. Totally.
I would appreciate whatever you had to add, but please don't feel obligated to keep going. Really.
Love ya.
Dp
Last edited by Dark prism on Mon Jan 15, 2007 6:14 am; edited 1 time in total
Sun Jan 14, 2007 11:04 pm
Ecntrc
Joined: 13 Jan 2007
Posts: 31
Location: hawaii
First off I want to apologize for whoever did that to you for doing that to you. No one deserves that. And certainly I really dont think it would turn a woman lesbian or even a man gay. I think people automatically think, 'ah she was sexually abused thats why shes in love with a woman because shes scared of a guy' or whatever it may be that they think. i accept anyone into mylife, if they are white black brown green blue yellow, lesbian gay straight bisexual. i dont care. as long as we can get along and you can make me laugh and we can stand eachother i accept you. if my brohter were to come out to being gay then hey i still love him the way he was the day before. the month before the year before and 20 years ago. i dont think it should matter. people seem to be very unopened minded about things like this. and i certainly dont understand whats so freekin wrong with being in love with a woman or a man being in love with a man. your a human. you eat, sh*t, sleep, walk, breathe, even ify ou dont walk to talk.. your a human. we all struggle and survive in life. focus on life not on other peoples lives. right? or am i wrong? well whatever i may be i dont care. but thats my opinion.
Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:09 am
~Wil~
Joined: 02 Nov 2006
Posts: 203
DP,
Thanks for referring me to this thread. You have all shared some keen insights.
~W~ _________________ Lost in the shuffle
Mon Mar 26, 2007 6:29 am
kultis
Joined: 17 May 2005
Posts: 341
Location: a finn living in dutchland atm..
I haven't been sexually abused but I get always so angry of this subject and violating women general.
On my opinion, even you have been abused by men it doesn't even mean that you will turn to gay. Maybe most people does but not all. It's kind of like saying that people who have anorexia are extremely thin when the percentage of it is 1-2% really. The cases what we see and hear about are extremes.
Anyways, I know someone who has been sexually abused several times, she's very close to me. I never have the courage to ask her to talk about it but I know it has affected her life and I want to help her out with that. I don't know if it's bothering her or if she even thinks about it (prolly not), I just would like to help her out.
Even though, I haven't been sexually violated, I still have strong opinions about it and would love to help them. If I have changed or helped someone's life, it makes sooo happy.
hugs to all,
kult.
_________________
There is something about that feeling
That gets me excited, when I
Step on that plane and fly away
Missing, dreaming, wanting
To step on that plane again
Go somewhere far, far away
Where dreams do come true
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum
Gallery
FAQ
Profile PM's 
)
i had written out something for ya but i accidently deleted it somehow and need to get ready for work and be with my g/f a bit before i leave so gotta try again later.
