Joined: 30 Oct 2006
Posts: 12
Location: Nashville, TN
Scared to say anything
I recently started questioning my sexuality (see my post in the member intro forum)...I was speaking to my mom on the phone the other night, and we had an interesting conversation. It went kinda like this:
Her: Do you remember Chris H (I went to high school w/his sister)
Me: Yeah, what about him?
Her: Well, he's openly gay
Me: So? I know a lot of people who are gay here (Nashville, TN) and there's nothing wrong with them.
Her: Don't tell me you're going to be one of them.
Me: One of what?
Her: (with disdain) Lesbian
Me: Um, no (right now I'm thinking I'm bi)
Her: Well make sure you don't.
Me: Why?
Her: b/c it's wrong
So, I left home on Augusy 15th, and I'm going home November 17-19 for my grandparents' 60th anniversary party. I've only come out to one person at home (my counselor), and I don't feel I can tell anyone else b/c I'm still questioning and looking for support...I'm just not sure what to do, especially after the convo I had with my mom...aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!! _________________ A true friend is someone who knows everything about you, and loves you anyway.
Tue Oct 31, 2006 12:14 am
Azraelle
Joined: 08 Oct 2006
Posts: 39
Coming out is something that should be decided only by the person who is doing so-- and this is exactly why.
If you have a close relationship with your parents, or anyone else in your family and they appear to be very homophobic...coming out may not be the right thing to do. At least not now. Try and open their minds a bit, THEN come out to them.
Another thing here is NEVER COME OUT TO YOUR PARENTS UNTIL YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY, UNDENIABLY SURE ABOUT YOUR SEXUALITY. If it turns out you're bi, it's not a problem until you start dating a girl, so I wouldn't even worry about that.
I know a lot of people preach that you should be yourself and you should tell the people you're close to...but in the end, you know your situation and your feelings better than anyone else. All we can do is give advice.
Tue Oct 31, 2006 6:34 am
findyourpassion
Joined: 24 Aug 2006
Posts: 82
I totally agree with Azraelle. When I was figuring stuff out, and talked about it to my mom because we're close and talk about everything. However, she got so flipped out about it that I wished I hadn't said anything, because at that point I wasn't even sure. I told her never mind, I just had to get it out and talk to someone, and the feelings I had had were probably just a phase. Of course they weren't at all, which I knew quite soon after, but even so, I won't be bringing up the topic again until it really becomes necessary to tell her (like if I'm in a really serious relationship or something).
So yes, you want to be yourself, and it sucks to hide things, but in the end we all have our own situations and have to decide the best way to deal with them too. If there's someone who you're pretty sure is not going to be supportive, I think it's a good idea to find other people who are first. There is no rush and you don't have to tell everyone at once.
Wed Nov 01, 2006 3:22 am
Loretta
Joined: 25 Oct 2006
Posts: 70
Location: Somewhere.
Both of my best friends are of the type that just can't lie to parents. Though I of course never say this to them (it's their way and they can't help it for god0s sake) I think that's so stupid. Sometimes some things just can't be said to parents. I'm still quite dizzy about my own sexuality and have never faced a situatuation of *desperately needing* to come out, so I can't have a say on this issue specifically... but it just looks like your mother is telling you, 'please lie to me'. Sometimes with their attitudes parents are asking for lies... so we'd better give them.
Luckily there are very few thingsI can't speak with my mother. But at least in questions of my sexuality (with guys, let alone other stuff) almost all the time I keep my mouth shut. I just don't feel confortable.
Wed Nov 01, 2006 10:45 pm
Guest
Thank you all for your advice! I'm slowly starting to find a support group, and it's good to know that I can also count on you to help I'm not planning on saying anything to anyone until I'm absolutely sure about things...and even then, there are some people that I'll probably never tell. Since I typed my posts last week, I"ve felt so much better about myself, which is the greatest feeling of all!
Sun Nov 05, 2006 11:32 pm
Mystic
Joined: 23 Oct 2006
Posts: 194
quote:Originally posted by Anonymous:
Since I typed my posts last week, I"ve felt so much better about myself, which is the greatest feeling of all!
awesome! i'm glad. that's most important.
mystic
Mon Nov 06, 2006 2:15 am
traveller
Joined: 30 Oct 2006
Posts: 12
Location: Nashville, TN
So, I'm going home tonight...It'll be the first time I've seen my parents in just over 3 months...and I'm a completely different person...
Tonight is also the 3-month anniversary of when I came out to myself...I have been lucky enough to find a ton of support here in Nashville, but I'm kinda worried about when I go home...b/c no one knows...I'll letcha know how it all turns out... _________________ A true friend is someone who knows everything about you, and loves you anyway.
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I'm not planning on saying anything to anyone until I'm absolutely sure about things...and even then, there are some people that I'll probably never tell. Since I typed my posts last week, I"ve felt so much better about myself, which is the greatest feeling of all!
