Over the past few monthes I have come out to myself. Its been a long process of toing and froing but now I'm certain in my own mind that I am a lesbian. I now feel ready to out to the rest of the world.
The more accept myself as a lesbian the more attracted to women i become. I can see when a man is a attractive but i am not attracted, that is what has been so hard to accept the difference between acknoledging that someone is attractive and actually be attracted.
Now i've stripped myself of my heterosexual fascade I don't feel that i know who i am anymore. What other aspects of my life am i hiding. I feel happy that i have finally, realised, acknowledged and accepted my true sexuality. But now I question everything, do i want things because i think thats what i should want or because i really do. I want to be true to the true me. I feel like i'm going through a bit of an identity crisis, did anyone else feel like this when they came out?
For ages i thought i'm bisexual thats ok loads of people are bisexual the difficult thing has been accepting that i do not fancy men. I like men, I enjoy there company, but i not fancy them.
I feel trapped now! I'm out to myself but not to anyone else. I want to tell someone but i don't know where to start.
Tue Aug 29, 2006 6:33 pm
Guest
First, I'd say remember to breathe and relax. You are still the same person you've always been. I went through this myself and I've known others who have as well. You aren't alone. Keep your chin up.
soul
Wed Aug 30, 2006 6:16 pm
Guest
I just can't beleive i went through 20 years of life without acknowledging who i trully am. I still feel like the same person, but at the same time if i could hide my sexuality even from myself then it makes me question everything about who i am and i want to be.
Wed Aug 30, 2006 10:07 pm
findyourpassion
Joined: 24 Aug 2006
Posts: 82
Perhaps it wasn't that you weren't acknowledging it, but that you were figuring it out. I'm 22 and only just now beginning to realize that I'm a lesbian. All these years it's not like I've been consciously trying to hide anything, or supress feelings or anything like that.
The first step is certainly ralizing yourself where you stand. I have not come out to anyone yet because I am still, as you might say, coming out to myself. As for who to approach first, just think about who will be supportive and understand. I may tell my parents, but I also think my uncle may be the first to know because he is gay and I know he'll understand exactly where I'm coming from.
Wed Aug 30, 2006 10:11 pm
Guest
I bet your uncle would understand! So your in a similar position to me then. I have been going through coming out to myself phase also and it has taken a few monthes for me to actually accept it. Do you ever feel like telling someone but just don't know how and when? Like sometimes i'll be sending an email and just for the sake of it i'll write i'm a lesbian, not with the intention of actually sending the email with that in but just because i wanna write it.
Wed Aug 30, 2006 10:29 pm
findyourpassion
Joined: 24 Aug 2006
Posts: 82
I feel like telling someone every day. My mode of expression today was driving down the street with I Am What I Am playing loudly with the windows open lol. Ever since I was young and understood the different between gay and straight I never understood why people made such a big deal out of it. All during that time (I thought I was straight) I never understood why people made such a big deal when they found out someone was gay. I was always like so what? Who cares? It's still the same person. I guess I feel like it's such a big deal to other people when someone comes out that I want to make sure I'm right before I say anything. It feels completely true to me right now, and to use your words, you could say I've "accepted" it, but at the same time, I don't want to realize a month down the road that it's some sort of phase (not that I think it is) and then have to go back to all the people and say oh wait, just kidding I'm not a lesbian. I totally don't expect that to happen, but on the very very off chance that it does, I don't want to have riled everyone up for no reason. I don't know if that makes any sense to you but that's how I feel!
Thu Aug 31, 2006 8:52 pm
Guest
I know what you mean about wanting to be certain. Over the past few months have been going backwards and forwards one minute i'm like i'm a lesbian then i'm like but you thought that guy was nice, but then i realised then i can think that guys are nice but i don't fancy them like i do women. I am a lot more attracted to women than men, always have been always will be!
Another thing that has bothered me is that i can't say that i have never fancied men, there was one guy who i was totally obssessed with. But i realise now that i was so obssessed because its so rare for me to fancy a guy. I definately fancy a lot more women than men and i don't really find mens bodies attractive, except in the case of that one guy. So i guess really i could say that I'm bisexual, but i feel that the largest majority of me is lesbian so that is what i feel i am. On coming out as a lesbian i can't guarantee that i will nevr fall in love with a man but i think it will be unlikely.
Fri Sep 01, 2006 9:18 am
rising
Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 17
I think (humbly) it is a good idea to walk around in your newfound lesbian self for awhile. As you get to know yourself (a lifetime process) you'll find many things make more sense from the new perspective.
I have always preferred the company of women and since I was a little child very attracted to women's bodies. Looking back I think, "Wow, so that's why!" Too bad, I've found out too late for the love affair I'd so like to have.
It might help you to have some lesbian friends to talk to about stuff in general. Unless you live in the middle of nowhere as I do, there are others everywhere.
There is plenty of time to announce your sexuality to the rest of the world.
Being a lesbian is rather like being a member of an elite group. One feels proud to identify with it and want to shout it out but for myself it would be inappropriate. The local old fashioned farmers just don't want to know and would only find it another thing to guffaw about.
I'm proud for you that you have figured it out at such a young age. Now there is plenty of time to find and spend your life witha special love. Best of luck to you.
Sat Sep 02, 2006 2:35 pm
Guest
Thanx for the advice rising.
I've taken on board what you've said about there being plenty of time, but i feel like i wanna shout about it, I feel like I've been hiding and I don't want to feel like that anymore.
I'm going out this evening and i think i might tell some people, but then maybe I won't. I really feel like I want to be open about who I am, but theres still part of me holding me back.
Sat Sep 02, 2006 3:13 pm
Guest
I told my friend on msn that i am gay and i thought he took ok but now i'm not so sure. He hasn't initiated conversation at all even though he has been online at the same time as me and have said hi twice and had response. I feel bad, msn is no place to tell someone that your gay, it seems easier but in reality you can read peoples facial expressions and you can never really know what there thinking.
Thu Sep 07, 2006 9:12 pm
rising
Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 17
Just a thought: MSN may be no place to have a friend as you expect friends to be. It seems to me that "on line" is like a "virtual friend" or ersatz friend. Sort of but not quite what a friend would be in reality. Not only that but he is a HE. Perhaps he wanted an online friendship with a woman that might be a potential mate?
Just a thought. I still think you have plenty of time to divulge your personal revelations to sundry friends and family.
Thu Sep 07, 2006 10:09 pm
lynn
Joined: 18 Aug 2006
Posts: 31
Location: new orleans
Have you thought about confiding with your best friend first, he or she would probably be less judgemental than your family, and there is less to lose...
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