Joined: 04 Jul 2005
Posts: 1412
Location: Nouvelle Orléans, Louisiane
Reflection
I was going to post
my story
but I can't..I don't have the energy to relive it like this. Here are a few thoughts..I'm sharing this the only way I know how...
...Have you ever listened to Phillip Glass'
Violin Concerto
- the second movement? Musical resources are found among the most mundane of things. I listen to the instrumentation of the piece as I reminisce of this past year. In reflection, I consider where I've been...where I was before this day last year and where my life was going… where I am now, and how my view of the future has changed. This piece for Glass, was a compositional exploration - it led him to the ordinary and became extraordinary in the process. It falls into a three-movement structure and is scored for average orchestra configuration. It creates such a sense of balance, poise, and symmetry – it emits so much emotion. The work is so familiar - It causes time to be absorbed... much as it has been in the past year....
...My mind is completely void of any memories between mid- September and December of 2005. The few weeks before and after this period are very much the same - but there are little bits I can remember, little snippets. I remember what it felt like to have my first panic attack - early in September in a log cabin in the woods of Massachusetts at two in the morning. I was sure it was the end for me. I can't describe how it felt...it was long past due.
The Saturday before the storm, we evacuated with the clothes on our backs…we set off on a voyage that would transform our lives completely. I watched CNN from a small reception area of a campground in Texas with thirty or so others from New Orleans and I remember images - I remember the look of trepidation in the faces of my local officials. I remember my Mayor begging for help. I remember people forcing me to eat. I remember crying so hard that I couldn't cry anymore. I remember my Governor standing before the world and shedding tears, letting her guard down. I remember listening to some broadcast of a news anchor that said, "Wait...the levees are breaking."...The storm itself
was
the calm..How ironic it felt...and later that day I remember a phone call from my friend Khadisha who was scared to death, and locked in her closet with her eight year old daughter - and begged me to help her get out before her cell phone service died. She was two blocks from the London Avenue Canal levee breach. She could hear gunshots and helicopters all around her - and I could hear them through the phone. I remember watching a car hydroplane into what looked like a lake - and at a closer glance the highway exit number was 227 - four blocks from my home…and the sign was barely visible, almost completely under water - about twelve feet of it. I remember aerial views of my University being used as a military hub. I remember a quick helicopter shot of an aerial image of the apartment building my cats were in, my babies...we thought it was a one floor building because the water was up to the second floor windows and looked so calm, so stagnant. I remember having to run - running through a field hysterical because I could do nothing else...until I was so exhausted I fell on my back and cried myself to sleep there, gazing into the sun asking "why". I remember the hugs we shared - the looks we gave each other - the emptiness and desperate emotions we felt as we sat back and watched our world deteriorate...
...I remember my first time back. I remember the scent of death. I remember falling to my knees and lightly touching my fingers to their cold hands one last time before I turned away, never mentioning it to any one. I remember seeing my ladder propped up against my neighbors' house and looking up - empty bottles on the roof...along with my charcoal grill and a blanket… he had stayed there for days waiting for help before stealing a boat from someones’ back yard. I remember driving on I-10; blood stains on the highway...areas where they made fire-pits out of garbage cans...lost teddy bears...a baby stroller. I remember driving by the Convention Center and the Superdome before they had time to clean ...
I won't say what I saw
. I remember driving up to my house and not recognizing it - I remember having to literally crawl over a blown roof to get to my front door. I remember having to kick in my front door, prying it open with a crowbar. I remember staring at the spray-painted walls - every single house tagged with its owners' fate in the shape of an 'X'.
...I remember the exact moment I realized I had lost everything. I remember the text messaging through phones across the country...all lines were down - it was the only way we could reach each other for weeks. I remember the list we made of people that were missing...I remember standing in line in front of a Red Cross truck for a bottle of water - I remember standing in line for everything...I remember wandering through piles of clothing picking out what I needed...I remember my first dead body..
and my 17th
...I remember wearing rubber boots and N95 Masks..I remember being in the emergency room for mold inhalation and barely being able to breathe...standing in line behind over 1000 others who were suffering from the same. I remember taking a photo of my violin as I laid it out on a concrete slab...I bent low to touch it gently and it disintegrated before my eyes. I remember how tightly my mother held me in our driveway after I had driven over 2000 miles just for that hug, how I collapsed into her, and how the tears flowed, and how I had never felt closer to her.
...I remember the humanity. I remember the generosity of my hosts - I remember local businesses and locals handing us gift cards and other material things and more importantly, hugs and looks that said “it will be okay”. I remember a woman walking to me as I was sitting on some steps and asking me if I needed any toothpaste (I did) and she came back later with a whole bag of things for me. I remember a woman literally giving me a shirt off her back because I was cold and I had nothing. I remember so many hugs from strangers. I remember driving to Massachusetts from Texas with a Louisiana license plate...and I remember we couldn't go more than a five-minute period on the highway without someone beeping at us saying "we'll help you in any way we can". I remember the moment a woman in northern California called us in October saying to me "I think I have your two cats with me". I remember holding them in my arms at the airport in Houston a few weeks later...and I smile now when I look at them and how well they're doing and I wonder what they would say if they could tell me their adventure of being stranded for 29 days without food and water…being rescued by a row boat…I wonder if they have any idea what we went through to get them back…
…I dont know what else to say. This isn't poetic and it doesn't have any literary merit at all. I have so many stories within this story that I could tell but I don't have the energy…right now I don't have the will. It's been one year - it's the first thing I think of every morning when I wake up - images stay with me throughout each day… and I dream of what I've seen as I sleep. I can only hope that with time it will cease...or decrease.
......
I don't need hugs or sympathy. That's not why I posted this. I want you to stop for a moment today to reflect...and realize that it's one of those things that seem so far away from your reality - but it's much closer to home than you know. Take a moment of reflection - and
remember
. To all of you who have helped, thank you.
…and thank you for listening. It’s been one year since Katrina.
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
_________________ "You can't kiss and keep your eyes open, they'll cross forever" - Rubyfruit Jungle
Tue Aug 29, 2006 4:56 am
Cavewoman
Joined: 06 Sep 2005
Posts: 2056
Location: nearby
Have a hug anyway
and... remind us as often as you are able... how very fragile each day always becomes... _________________ " The sorcerers in life are created within each of us" --- Lynn V. Andrews
Tue Aug 29, 2006 5:06 am
Achilles
Joined: 13 May 2006
Posts: 39
Location: from UK via Australia, now in Japan
your comments about your experiences are important, they have the ring of truth in them of course, thanks for writing them for others.
the impression i had of your government's reaction to Katrina, and the aftermath, was one of indifference and carelessness.
did that seem the case to you? or maybe that is how the news media filtered it as it reached us in Japan. _________________ A disk of herbed pastry (Rosemary, Thyme), risen up to make a cup. Then stew up some lamb cutlets with garlic, honey, lemon, eggplant and tomato.
Throw it in. Just throw it in to that cup. How good is that?
I remember...was very worried about you and so very happy to find out you were ok.
Hugs you tight mmmmmmfondlemmmmmmmfondlemmmmmmmmm
Eiregirl _________________ All poems and stories posted by Eiregirl are
Copyright 2005 - 2008 Aoibhegréine
These literary works are my property under copyright. If you wish to use my work for any purpose please ASK FIRST.
Tue Aug 29, 2006 6:39 am
DamagedGoods
Joined: 13 May 2006
Posts: 550
I know you aren't asking for hugs.... but I don't have words. I want to say so much... perhaps the tears currently falling down my face say more than I can.
I have listened to you share what you can bear to, I have in turn shared a little of that with Angel and Shell, and all 3 of us have cried... how horribly inadequate all that feels.
I wish I had the words to make it better... but there aren't any. Instead of words all I can offer is a pair of ears, a shoulder to cry on and the hug you aren't asking for,
{{{{{{{{{{{{{Chord}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
You know where I am, and you know all the ways to contact me. Please don't hesitate if you need anything that I can give.
This Aussie, and those close to her, won't ever forget.
Joined: 04 Mar 2005
Posts: 5094
Location: Scotland
I appreciate, dear heart, that you may not revisit this topic; but if you do, please realise that I am, and always have been, holding your hand.
Mb
xx
_________________ all posted material (c) Marie Marshall, unless otherwise stated.
Tue Aug 29, 2006 9:48 am
Mdm Prez
Joined: 19 May 2005
Posts: 1536
Location: U.S. of A.
chord
I really appreciate you giving us this first person account of one year ago.
I'm sure it's hard for you to recount it. It had to be horrible for you all.
Anything I could say would seem insignificant, but you are certainly not.
I care about you and I'm going to hug you anyway.
((((((((((((((((((((((chord))))))))))))))))))
Cat _________________ If you're not getting the answers you want,
you're not asking the right questions.
It doesnt matter what you say hugs are all you gettin...
Life is crazy with most interesting events. jus know
live can be wonderful too....
'Az
_________________ *Dont Let Ur Heart Be Troubled*
Tue Aug 29, 2006 12:27 pm
Xalia1 Moderators
Joined: 05 May 2004
Posts: 3702
Location: In love
Just hugs Chord... that's all I can do.
(((((((((Chord)))))))))))))
Hugs,
Xalia _________________ Nobody said life would be easy...They just promised it would be worth it.
~♥♥~
~The words fail me.. because what I feel for you is beyond description...~
Tue Aug 29, 2006 1:38 pm
soulilluminations
Joined: 23 Jul 2006
Posts: 25
from one Louisianinan to another, I offer you my thoughts and my prayers...a shoulder to lean on if you need one....and a hug as well if that's okay.
Soul
Tue Aug 29, 2006 3:47 pm
mercurial
Joined: 21 Mar 2006
Posts: 55
Location: new york
Reflection
Chord,
It is incredible to read your account of what happened during and after Hurricane Katrina. I can not express words to tell you how sorry I am that you had to experience all of what you did. I can't help but think of the angels that walk in our midst everyday and i am glad they were there for you. I am glad you are here, and that you made it through.
((((((((((((((((((CHORD))))))))))))))))))))
Mercurial
Tue Aug 29, 2006 10:49 pm
Allison
Joined: 12 Oct 2005
Posts: 4216
Location: Florida
I know this had to sap the emotional energy to write this out and I hope you feel a little better for sharing your trauma. You are a survivor dear one of something no one should have to endure. (((((((((Chordy))))))) xo I know I just couldn't resist a quick KOTC Thanks again my friend!
Alli _________________ Alli
Wed Aug 30, 2006 1:30 am
lostgrl913
Joined: 21 Apr 2006
Posts: 153
Location: PA
not knowing what to say so ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))) _________________ i am rage, i am sorrow and grief
all alone in my way
i know humor and heartbreak
and people are life
if i keep my eyes closed
i'll be open to strife
-Ferron STAND UP
Wed Aug 30, 2006 1:18 pm
chordphrute
Joined: 04 Jul 2005
Posts: 1412
Location: Nouvelle Orléans, Louisiane
i guess im not sure what to say in response other than thank you for your kind words and warm hugs.
Namaste
_________________ "You can't kiss and keep your eyes open, they'll cross forever" - Rubyfruit Jungle
Wed Aug 30, 2006 8:40 pm
Mairi bheag
Joined: 04 Mar 2005
Posts: 5094
Location: Scotland
Honey, you don't have to say a thing.
Mb
xx
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