I guess I should start off first by introducing myself. I am 23 and just graduated with my B.S. Degree. I'm taking a year off to get things together to go off to grad school. I am currently living back at home so I can save up money to go off to grad school...
I didn't post on the new member board because honestly I'm a little intimidated by all of this still. Not Mel’s, this place is awesome, but of the whole being lesbian thing. Still kind of getting use to the idea. I have only known since February, on my birthday as a matter of fact. I met the first person I have ever had feelings for. It was over the internet, but the more I got to know her...well let’s just say I feel pretty hard. Now, I know that I didn't just imagine all of this because she felt it too, and I'm not one to imagine because I over analyze everything! It didn't work out between me and her for a couple of reasons, long story... But it did start me on my journey...
So to the point of the post....
Of the people that know about me are my 3 cousins (they are like my siblings, we grew up together), My Best friend ( she knows because us and a couple of friends were out at a bar drinking and playen pool. We were all a bit tipsy and my best friend cornered me and made me tell her. Drunk and having a secret I found not to be a good combination...) Two lesbians at work (they took one look at me and knew....asked me, did I mention I'm a terrible liar?) and a couple other people who I knew would be excepting. My mom and dad did not know. My dad still doesn't know but my mom out right asked me one day. Me the terrible liar that I am had no choice but to say something because I was trapped in a car for a 2 hour trip with her. I thought she was okay with it, or so she seemed, went better then I thought it would go...but ever since then she has been saying little things like "If I had busted your @$$ and made you wear dresses and fix your hair this never would have happened." Or "It's the type of music you listen to" (I'm a big Melissa Etheridge fan, always have been even before the discovery) "It's Ellen Degeneres, and Melissa Etheridge they are talking people into it!" This list goes on and on but I think the one I like best is the "I think your trying to talk yourself into it...and if you are then maybe it isn't right." I finally got fed up with it tonight and told her if she couldn't be supportive I didn't want to hear it. She believes that she is trying to help me sort all of this out...
I guess I'm just wondering if she is always going to think this way...and if it is so bad with her what is my father going to think or say!
Somebody please tell me it gets better.....
Tue Aug 08, 2006 2:13 am
FantasyDreamer
Joined: 07 Aug 2006
Posts: 7
Location: England
Onyxia
My heart goes out to you....You are in the same situation that i was 20 years ago, yes my mother told me i was a lesbian. At the time i remember feeling shocked and hurt but also some relief that the truth was out. She made life difficult and said terrible things, but i grew strong and realised that this is who i am , i cannot be what she wants me to be. You need to find strength and accept that things may or may not improve .Your Mother is feeling that she is to blame ,that she could have changed you ,she is in denial and hurting. With or without your mothers support you will get through this, maybe you could talk to a close friend .
Keep us informed
Fantasy
Tue Aug 08, 2006 7:15 pm
Onyxia
Joined: 01 Jul 2006
Posts: 156
Thanks for the reply. I believe things will get better once I go off to grad school because I really do want to go out of state. I was thinking maybe to a gay friendly place to help figure things out.
After our fight my boss called me and asked me if I wanted to work a double shift...I was like please! When I told my mom that I would be working a double shift the next day she just looked at me and said "Why?"
I believe things happen in life to make us stronger people. Maybe my mom flipping her wig over this is to make me a stronger person like with you. I guess all I can do is take one day at a time...luckily I do have friends that don't care and love me the same. I guess I am pretty lucky...
Thanks for the reply and I will keep you all informed...
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