Joined: 04 Oct 2004
Posts: 5
Location: Calgary AB, Canada
Closet and relationships
This site feels like therapy, im just going to unload on all you guys.
Well I've given my brief hello to you all and i thought i would give you guys some more info on me. You all know that im 18 and im hanging out in the closet, oh and I'm a comedian by profesion.
I had one serious relationship with a girl in high school. Her parents found out just before graduation and wouldn't let me see her anymore, she has since moved to go to school in B.C and we haven't spoken since. So im single have no idea where to meet women since my only relationship was purley luck, and im petrified of any rejection from my parents over being a lesbian. I've already been confronted twice I was thinkin about just tellin them but im finding that it's not that simple. Anybody have any tips about meeting women and coming out of the closet?
- Woody -
You know the closets not that bad, and the clothes in here aren't that bad either...
my friend...do what you feel is comfortable. i mean don't come out until you feel like that is what you want. i will say that once you do you will feel ten times better with who you are and how people view you. but i do understand the trepidation about rejection and just negative feelings from your parents and friends.
i was rather lucky and my father was very cool with my coming out. his brother (my uncle) is gay so this probably wasn't such a big shock for him as some people.
but while you do feel scared and don't want to "disappoint" anyone (parents, friends, etc.) don't let this control who you love and just all around are more comfortable with. and if your parents are starting to confront you on it...well that would be a pretty good sign that you're not in the closet as much as you would think.
take your time...do what you feel is comfortable...and think about how things are now...and think about the different possibilities.
don't be pragmatic about it...but don't delude yourself. i mean...a negative reaction might happen...but also your parents could surprise you a bit. and also when you do eventually come out (i know you will, you're just that good...^_~) don't come off sounding like you're doing something wrong, you aren't. because if you think you're going to get a bad reaction that's just the opening that whomever you come out is going to latch onto.
well i don't know if that helped any. but good luck my friend.
~chance
ps. as for meeting women...er...i'm not very helpful in that category...i'm actually struggling in it myself. heh. _________________ Timing is everything...unfortunately I'm too early or too late.
Tue Oct 12, 2004 1:58 pm
Tigger Site Admin
Joined: 06 Feb 2004
Posts: 890
Welcome other_way_straight
Lastchance has given you some sound advice...there is only you that knows when the time is right.
I remember when I decided to tell my Mum who was a real prude..I took the cowards way out and wrote her a letter...wow I was so suprised she wrote back to me and told me she felt sorry for me. Hey she supported me all the way and accepted my girlfriends wonderfully.
Maybe some of the girls can come up with some local places you can get out and about to.
Any ideas girls???
Good luck and we are always about if you need support.
Tigs
Tue Oct 12, 2004 11:10 pm
twilight
Joined: 29 Sep 2004
Posts: 1035
Location: First Star on the Right Straight on til Morning
I am out and I am not. It depends on who you talk to. My mom knows that I had a relationship with a girl in college. But, she may think it was just a phase. I just have a "it is none of your business" relationship with her. She claims my best friend as her daughter. J is in a committed relationship with G (they even went through artificial insimination and have a set of twins together plus J' 5 other kids). I do not think she would care. But, I still do not tell her my personal thoughts. I even suspect that my mom had relationships with women between my dad and step dad. I mean we had a woman living with us who I called "my other mom". I know they had separate bedrooms but what they did once I was asleep was none of my business. That is the way I treat her now. Anyway, my step dad may suspect, but he won't mention is and neither will I. It is strictly a don't ask, don't tell thing. My friends all know. over half of my friends are lesbians so I figure they knew long before I told them. They are my way to meet people now. Being in conservative Kansas, it is easier if you know for sure that who you are hitting on is receptive. I have not told my daughters yet either, but they are very open about accepting 'Aunt J and Aunt G' so I think they would not freak too much about me in a relationship. My ex will have a fit, but he knew I was bi all along, so he can sit and spin. I will probably wiat to have more than a occasional date till I get all the divorce papers filed so that he cannot say anything to slow that down. all in all I am out to who I am comfortable with being out to. And to others if they have their suspicions, ok, but until they ask I am not telling. Anyway, as far as meeting someone, I have no clue what to tell you. I am networking through friends. If you do not have that option, hmmm. Do you know of any clubs in the area. I believe you are from Calgary (I cannot see that on the reply screen). I would think there would be. Certainly more than there are here, LOL. Well, I wish you luck finding that special someone. It is where I am again, so I do not know that I am much help. (I am certainly chatty, for not knowing much advice, LOL) _________________ Twilight, Her Royal Highness, The Queen of Fun and Games
The lengthening shadows wait The first pale stars of twilight. ~~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
Wed Oct 13, 2004 2:06 pm
Guest
Dear other_way_straight,
I agree too that coming out when you are ready is a good idea; however, if you wait until you are comfortable, you may never do it. I can tell you that it is a huge relief not to have to pretend once you do come out. I have been very fortunate with family and friends, and even my work.
It all boils down to, "do I live a lie, or do I be who I am?"
Good luck!
Floridagirl
Wed Oct 13, 2004 4:29 pm
a_beautiful_mind
Joined: 21 May 2004
Posts: 94
o X o
other_way_straight
If you have the time, or if you happen to be in a book store etc. keep an eye open for
'A woman like that' by Joan Larking
. It's all about Lesbian and Bisexual writers telling their coming out stories.
They talk about their first crushes and experiences etc ... It's a bit dated but comforting and (well I thought) shocking. x
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum
Gallery
FAQ
Profile PM's 
Welcome other_way_straight
Anyway, as far as meeting someone, I have no clue what to tell you. I am networking through friends. If you do not have that option, hmmm. Do you know of any clubs in the area. I believe you are from Calgary (I cannot see that on the reply screen). I would think there would be. Certainly more than there are here, LOL. Well, I wish you luck finding that special someone. It is where I am again, so I do not know that I am much help. (I am certainly chatty, for not knowing much advice, LOL)
