I am new here but reading the forum for about a month now. I dont know where to post so I assume that I can post it here... im 24 les from Manila(Philippines). My girlfriend(weve been together for almost 3 years), broke up with me a week ago(its our 2nd breakup this year) due to family pressure. She was not out with her family cause they are more of a homophobic type and she will be kicked out in their house for sure once they found out. After our happy years of being together, she finally decided to give-up on our relationship since she claims that she cant lie to her family anymore and her sisters already know about us. Since i loved and respect her that much, I accepted her decision... Its been 10 days now. I havent heard anything from her... I know its for her sake.. but im really having difficult time letting her go... cause im always thinking of her and missed her so damn much... im wondering if she misses me the way i do.. or her feelings are already gone thats why shes not contacting me... im realy in pain right now... is letting go always this painful? now im beginning to think that though i really love girls.. it wasnt really for me... im sooo sad and still cant help but cry.. thanks all for any advice.... more power to mels
Give her a call or send her an email (call if you can though)...ask her how she is doing...if there is anything she needs and maybe ask if she would like to go for a drink or have lunch sometime.
After being in a relationship with someone it can be odd and a little uncomfortable to just be friends but there really is no good reason you can't remain friends so ask her if she would like to go out for a drink or have lunch or something sometime.
Eiregirl
Wed Jun 21, 2006 5:00 am
Fr0zEnFiRe
Joined: 21 Jun 2006
Posts: 31
Thanks for the advice Eiregirl. But im afraid its not an option for me right now... Me being close to her at this point will hurt me alot... cause i still love her so much and somehow still hoping that we can be together(which in her opinion is no longer possible)... guess maybe in time.... and im planning to be her best friend. But right now, im also thinking that the space will help us both. its been days now.. I terribly missed her.. if she only knew.... i dont wanna add more pressure to her by contacting her thats why im trying very hard not to. (but d*mn i really loved to hear from her). Is it the right thing?
Wed Jun 21, 2006 5:43 am
Stuckinahs
Joined: 07 Dec 2005
Posts: 39
Location: New York
Dear Frozen...I can certainly identify with what you are going through because I am going through the same thing. My partner and I broke up four weeks ago, and I am in so much pain. I never knew this was possible to hurt so much. I am quite a bit older than you and your girlfriend, but that kind of pain doesn't have anything to do with age. I thought we would be together forever. I absolutely adore this woman, but she is very bad for me, and treated me very badly, so it is not healthy for me to be with her. Yet, I'd give anything if she would walk in the door right now. Sometimes, like right now, I don't think my heart can stand this pain. I know it will get better...I hope it will get better...I don't really know anything right now, I guess.
You know, a met a young woman a few years ago, who disclosed to me that she was gay. I tried to be supportive. She married a guy, had two children, and was terribly unhappy. They divorced. She asked me to introduce her to someone, so I did. She and my friend hit it off for about a month, then the girl broke up with my friend. When I asked her why she toyed with this woman, she said, "It takes a lot of courage to live a gay lifestyle, and I don't think I have that kind of courage in me." Her honesty was refreshing but sad. She is with another man right now.
Frozen, no one says you have to stop loving your ex. But maybe she doesn't have the courage to live a gay lifestyle...maybe not now...maybe not ever. Don't make any hasty decisions about yourself and your life right now. That's the attitude I am trying to develop myself. Allow yourself to grieve and take all the time you need. It shouldn't be easy to get over losing someone you love so much.
PS - I used to live in the Phillipines...now I'm going to age myself...you weren't even born yet.
Wed Jun 21, 2006 7:14 am
Fr0zEnFiRe
Joined: 21 Jun 2006
Posts: 31
Thanks for the advice Stuckie. It was really comforting somehow... This line is soo true "But maybe she doesn't have the courage to live a gay lifestyle...maybe not now...maybe not ever." but really hurts alot. Just when I thought I already find the one... i nver realy expected that she will turn her back about what we have after all those years of being happy. She was actually my first girlfriend(she already had 2 previous gay relationships which is enough to convince me before that she really is gay). So you know... i fell... and its really painful right now to be left alone still hoping that shell comeback....
Wed Jun 21, 2006 8:46 am
Sunny
Joined: 18 Jun 2006
Posts: 1571
Location: Massachusetts
Hi Frozen,
So sorry you’re in so much pain. But I can tell you from personal experience, the pain does subside in time. It may never go completely, but it gets to a point where it’s more bittersweet. Closeted relationships are extremely difficult on both parties, but sometimes all that someone can commit to. It does take courage to come out of the closet and celebrate a relationship openly, but it’s wonderful when it happens.
Lesbian relationships are often really intense, especially when their closeted. That makes the pain of separating more intense as well I think. But I love the intensity and passion of a good relationship and look forward to meeting “the one”. My heart may get shattered into pieces again, but eventually you learn to put them back together again and keep moving. There are a lot of wonderful women out there, and a lot of other beautiful aspects of life to celebrate. Try to take in some of life’s wonders even if it feels empty right now. Time to start filling yourself back up. Do something that can help you start feeling happy. It’ll feel kind of empty right now, but some of the goodness will seep in. Eventually the void will start filling up a bit and the healing will have begun. Sitting at home alone is a dangerous place to stay for too long. You still deserve to be happy and feel good about you and your life. She really wasn’t you’re “other half.” You’re a whole person all by yourself and you can find happiness, even with out her. When you do meet someone who’s more worthy of your love you’ll be that much more “the whole” package because you’ve learned to love yourself as well as others.
I also agree with Eiregirl about checking in with her to see how she’s doing – maybe not yet, but when you’re feeling a little stronger. You’re hurting either way and perhaps she too is wondering how you are. A talk might be healing right now for both of you.
thanks for the advice... it really helps me at this point of time... Reading you post makes me want to contact her... but still I cannot find the courage. And my pride is getting on the way. After all, she was the one who broke up with me. Ive checked out her friendster and other online stuffs(she doesnt change the password yet) She seems to be fine and shows no sign of missing me at all.. im very confused right now... my mind is telling me that it I shouldnt contact her.. but my heart tells me that I missed her so much... i dont know what to do.. It really pains me to see that she take our breakup that easily.. without mourning about it. i still love the girl so dam,n muchhh
Thu Jun 22, 2006 3:06 am
DarkChyldesKiss Site Admin
Joined: 29 Mar 2005
Posts: 3381
Location: Inner Sanctum
Frozen,
Big hugs! I've talked to women who can't be out because of many reasons. None of which make it easier on a relationship or on a break up.
A good cry is the best therapy right now. You loving her and letting her go is the best way of honoring what you had between the two of you.
I don't know your gf so I can't say anything about whether she's missing you. My opinion is that she might be in an emotionally numb place right now. After 3 years it must have been a hard decision to make. She may just be processing things inwardly for her family and for you. As you have let her go and let her be free with this decision, she may be helping you let go by not showing anything on the outside.
No matter whether you are gay or straight, nothing softens a break up.
I wish you to get to a place that you can heal. I hope that you find a way to get there.
Thanks Dark.. its really good to know that there are people who understand and feels what Im going through. Ive seen her online last night and I was waiting for her to message me... But she didnt.. instead she disconnected her self. I dont really understand what she is up to right now... All I know is I missed her so much.. and its killing me that she knows im there but do nothing about it. No HIs no HELLOs. Or she doesnt even bother to know if im well or dying.... How I hope it was easier in my part to take her for granted like what she is doing to me... Is 3 years of happy relationship that easy to forget? its been 2 weeks now... and i dont know but a part of me is still waiting for her.... I also want to get numb... but every time Im trying to be tough i always breakdown.
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im sooo sad and still cant help but cry.. thanks all for any advice.... more power to mels
