are most of the lesbians ugly? Goto page Previous1, 2, 3Next
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Pantone Tria
Joined: 04 Apr 2006
Posts: 20
Location: My own reverie on the coast of Baltic sea
Re: Alarmed- east/west stereotypes
quote:Originally posted by Sophie86:
people here have the feeling there are many lesbians turn to their memeber of same sex because they cant get the attention of men because they don have pretty face,good body figure and etc.or maybe they lose hope on men because men treated them like rubbish.
Well... i think it's a wall of ignorance that (those) people built up because they're afraid of the thing that they don't understand.
quote:Originally posted by cupcakes:
Being a hybrid of chinese/american experiences, it alarms me that Sophie seems to be using and umbrella term (asian) to represent all asian culture as ultra conservative, anti-gay, strict, and prude. I find this representation of "asia" does not match my experiences in with chinese culture, or even what I know about asia.
Well, i think Sophie jus tried to compare situation between East and West. And she's right in some point that western culture is more tolerate toward homosexuality.
I heard from my malaysian lesbian friend that in Malaysia the law is different between muslim and non-muslim (and lesbianism seems to be acceptable in some certain level while there's zero-tolerate for gay men).
I can ask my friend for you about lesbian club, party or other suggestions.
However, I can see that your case might be a sensitive one. Therefore, if you can tell me more about about yourself... such as, are you muslim, chinese-malaysian or indian-malaysian? Then, i will be able to give a right suggestion for you. And if you don't wanna put it on the forum, you can just PM me.
Wed Jun 07, 2006 1:53 am
sophie86
Joined: 03 Jun 2006
Posts: 7
Location: asia
thanks pantone tria.i am malaysian chinese and non-muslim.sometimes muslim laws also apply to us(non-muslim) and it depends on certain states.because the muslim laws is within the power of state government.some states have strict muslim laws.we(non-muslim) afraid that muslim laws will become common laws in malaysia.homosexuality is forbidden in muslim laws and if a muslim get caught by this,they will attend muslim court and it is justified by kadi(judge).non-muslims are safe so far.
people are more and more open-minded in this issue but there are many stubborn folks who can't accept it.my friends said that lesbians will eventually become straight,when i heard this,i tried to change her point of view but to no avail.so there is still many wrong perception like how can two women have sex???they cant imagine it including me when i was younger.i think the reason is this issue is not openly discuss here.
i surely want to know where is the lsebian clubs or anything related to it in my country.i feel grateful for all of you n i know that i wont be alone anymore.
Wed Jun 07, 2006 2:41 am
Bobby Mcgee
Joined: 25 Apr 2005
Posts: 382
Location: The Buckle Of the Bible Belt
quote:Originally posted by Greenshadow:
quote:Originally posted by lichan:
Japan is the most tolerate in all of Asia in regards to homosexuality.
Really? That's good to know! I'm moving there after college, and I'd been wondering about how accepting they are of gays and lesbians.
A friend of mine was sharing stories of his friends and my acquantances living in Japan. He said that their equivalent of our saying "the squeeky wheel gets the grease" is "the outstanding nail gets hammered." _________________ "If you want to see the rainbow, you are going to have to deal with the rain" Dolly Parton
Wed Jun 07, 2006 3:06 am
Amelie
Joined: 24 Mar 2006
Posts: 19
Two words... Sophie Ward
Tue Jun 13, 2006 9:40 pm
Fr0zEnFiRe
Joined: 21 Jun 2006
Posts: 31
are most of the lesbians ugly?
not me... As a matter of fact, most of the lesbians here in the philippines are really good looking
Wed Jun 21, 2006 10:08 am
mmmazing
Joined: 24 Jun 2006
Posts: 3
Location: SE ohio
I laughed out loud while reading Sophie's original post, you wouldn't believe (well of COURSE you would!) how many times I've heard that over the years since coming out. "did you turn into a lesbian because no man wanted you..?" or,"all you need is to find a good man, you'll feel differently" or "you're such a pretty girl, why in the world would you wanna be gay??" which translates to "you can't be a lesbian, you're too cute!" lol
ridiculous.....and narrow minded. the quote,
"i am worry (sic) that if women only turn to women after losing hope in men,then we won't find true love. We r involved in a relationship that is not based on love" , makes me shake my head in sadness. According to her she's not thinking that way anymore and plans to become a personal lesbian ambassador to her country to spread the truth.....cmon. I realize I'm only a day old in here and I'm probably gonna step off on the wrong foot, but I guess I'm just tired of people trying to get us to feel like we're doing something wrong. Or that its a phase until Mr. Right comes along and takes us out of our dyke misery.....
I need a chocolate chip cookie....lol
Sun Jun 25, 2006 10:17 pm
Footprint
Joined: 24 May 2006
Posts: 478
Location: @ home around the globe
Which way around???!
You know, just today I finally found a valid, outspoken reason/background for rejecting men. I had not had one all these years before in my life: I don't want a man because I am "from the other shore".
-> In my case it was rejection of men before (realization of) homosexuality.
So much for turning lesbian because you can't get a guy..........
Be well,
Footsie _________________ “Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
Sun Jun 25, 2006 11:09 pm
1seed
Joined: 18 Dec 2005
Posts: 93
Location: midwest, USA
I get just as many men checkin me out now as I did before I came out. The only difference is I don't care if they are looking I want to attract all the beautiful women I see.
All my girlfriends are these amazing beautiful, intelligent women that don't want or need a man.
Somehow we won't win on this topic people will still be naive in there thinking.
seed
Mon Jun 26, 2006 1:19 am
realwoman
Joined: 05 Dec 2005
Posts: 1040
Location: under our tree in Africa
1SEED??????????????
How many girlfriends do you have?????
Did not know u were polyamorous????
realwoman smiles and winks at seed
_________________ .
.
light is to darkness as love is to fear...
Sat Jul 08, 2006 3:22 pm
Debbsff
Joined: 21 Jul 2006
Posts: 7
Location: Hong Kong
Some excellent contributions here and I feel I can add my twopenneth.
I've lived in Hong Kong for 10 years and dated many Asian girls. I have also travelled extensively around Asia and met other gay girls in Thailand, Singapore, Philippines, etc. My g/f of 4 years is Asian mixed, half Japanese, half Chinese. I think I am not being immodest to say that we are both quite attractive females and are continuously hit on by men. Ugly certainly does not make a woman turn to another woman! I think this point has been very well covered in other posts here.
I have, during my time in HK come across a surprisingly high proportion of gay and bisexual Asian girls and have discussed this aspect with various of them. One common issue often mentioned by, especially the Chinese girls, is generally men's chauvenistic (sp?) attitudes. Very prevalent is the old fashioned view of the woman is to cook, keep house and breed children, preferably males. (They still perform abortions on Chinese women who are pregnant with females). Women have turned to their own sex for love and comfort as a result of these attitudes, and even more so in recent years due to greater exposre to Western culture and seeing people having genuinely loving relationships.
The Filipinas and Indonesian girls in HK make up largely the domestic servant element. There are currently around 120,000 of them here working as maids. (For comparison, there are 22,000 Brits living in HK). Many, and I do mean many, have entered gay relationships within the community. In fact during a recent visit by the Indonesian PM he was reported as stating how shocked he was at the number of lesbian relationships there were.
I can understand the difficulty living within a strict Muslim country such as Malaysia but believe me, there are many Malay lesbians and those I have met are truly gorgeous!!!
Good luck anyway!
Debbie
xx
Sat Jul 22, 2006 4:12 am
Achilles
Joined: 13 May 2006
Posts: 39
Location: from UK via Australia, now in Japan
quote:Originally posted by Greenshadow:
quote:Originally posted by lichan:
Japan is the most tolerate in all of Asia in regards to homosexuality.
Really? That's good to know! I'm moving there after college, and I'd been wondering about how accepting they are of gays and lesbians.
Japan is exceptionally tolerant of Japanese gay people, how they treat foreigners is another matter altogether.. gay or straight.
i get on well here as i love it, and it shows in my walk and my voice.
i have a quiet and low small house voice anyhow, so that helps with putting the Japanese at ease.
i have been through a lot of the culture shock thing, it takes people different ways.
good luck with your move to Japan.
ps: ::makes a nod to Cavewoman::
oi, i ain't a girly!!
and you know that Lady C!! _________________ A disk of herbed pastry (Rosemary, Thyme), risen up to make a cup. Then stew up some lamb cutlets with garlic, honey, lemon, eggplant and tomato.
Throw it in. Just throw it in to that cup. How good is that?
<< or "you're such a pretty girl, why in the world would you wanna be gay??" which translates to "you can't be a lesbian, you're too cute!" lol>>
*nods head in sympathy* Yes, that is a comment I get VERY often - so I guess that could be a reply to Sophie's original question... but then, I have never met an ugly lesbian. In fact, I have met very few ugly people in my life. To me, the only ugly people are those who discriminate against others, are plain selfish or have any other such bad personality traits.
But Sophie, I can safely say that many people even in countries that are accepting of homosexuality are in your situation. Your story sounded much like mine in some ways - I only just moved away from home a month ago and have done that whole pretending thing. I always told myself once I left home I would open the door to my closet, and I have been true to that plan. I think the most important thing is to accept yourself before you start coming out to other people - accepting yourself will make it that little bit easier to take any negative comments.
I have to say though, I have been on lesbian boards that were somewhat anti-men. But I cannot see why, really, I mean we are all born the way we are and we can hardly have a justified reason for hating all men; we don't have to put up with them after all!
Anyhow, I wish youbest of luck finding someone special and hope that when you are ready to tell (even if this might be years and years in the future), you will find people around you to be more accepting than you thought they would be. _________________ ~ A woman should be an illusion. (Albert Einstein) ~
~ Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live. (Mark Twain) ~
Sat Jul 22, 2006 8:39 am
Miss_Mamie
Joined: 19 Jul 2006
Posts: 7
Location: Georgia
um. I think I'm attractive. When I took "Lesbian Studies" back in college (I know my school rocks) there were only two folks in the class who identified as hetero. I never missed a class cause the ladies were so fine (and they talked a lot about sex; I totally made an "A"). The lesbians I meet (maybe not as often as others) are usually very fine. so, there ya go.
Sat Jul 22, 2006 9:32 pm
DarkChyldesKiss Site Admin
Joined: 29 Mar 2005
Posts: 3381
Location: Inner Sanctum
Ok, I'm putting my two cents in here as a woman who is part asian.
There is still some stigma attached to be an asian and a lesbian.
Mind you this is from personal experience over the years.
I live in an area with quite a few asians. First reaction I get because I'm asian I can't be a lesbian. Secondly I get the stupid reaction that I'm too pretty to be a lesbian. These reactions have come from the lesbian community believe it or not! Yes, I do get some of the reactions from the heterosexual community. I never though I'd hear it from another lesbian but I've heard it more than I care to.
Alot of asian lesbians are not out to their families. A good per cent tend to stick to themselves within the asian community because of the cultural stigma.
There's a huge misconception regarding the population of asian lesbians because they aren't so visible. Asians as a whole tend to be very traditionalist and still embrace the old culture. Alot is changing every day but some of the ways are still there. Asian lesbians tend to be a hidden factor in the U.S.
It wasn't long ago that Japan was very anti-gay! There's been a huge acceptance of lesbians in Japan because unfortunately of a sub-culture that includes anime and erotica. I watch Japanese horror flicks with English subtitles and DAMN if there isn't lesbian erotica thrown in for no reason at all! Everything has been done in taste but I ask myself did that 60 second scene really need to be in the movie!
I do understand Sophie's dilemma about everything because she's not the first women I've come across from Malaysia with the same concerns.
Some day the world will catch up and be on the same page but until then we'll have misconceptions and some down right stupid thoughts.
Joined: 18 Dec 2005
Posts: 93
Location: midwest, USA
LOL Real!
What I was trying to say is that I know a few women as friends(girlfriends) and enjoy meeting women. I wish I had a gf right now.
I will never be polyamorous!
What's interesting about this post is it is cross cultural. As a black women I have gotten on several occasions that it is a "white thing". And what I have learned just from living/life is that it doesn't matter. When you are a beautiful person inside it shows outside and vice versa.
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As a matter of fact, most of the lesbians here in the philippines are really good looking 
and you know that Lady C!!
