I had this in another section and then realized that it fit better in this section, so here it is again: =)
Hello all. I am very new here. I just want to share my story with someone, since I can't share it with anyone.
I've kind of always known that I was bisexual, but I grew up in a very conservative home and those kinds of things just didn't happen to anyone in my family. I grew up thinking that it was wrong and "disgusting." But then when I was in 6th grade I became a member of an all girls softball team. Amanda was our second baseman, and there was something about her that made me really want to... be friends with her. It never clicked in my mind that the reason I liked her so much and wanted to talk to her and call her and be around her all the time, was being I was incredibly attracted to her. I mean I was in 6th grade, I hadn't even had my first boyfriend yet.
And then in the 10th grade on my high school soccer team I had the same kind of feelings for another girl, named Kara. She was religious and very very straight, but I still loved to be around her. I had a boyfriend at the time, also.
And then after my senior year in high school I got a job at a theater and started dating this one guy, and instantly became best friends with this girl, Liz. Liz and I spent 24/7 together and she constantly argued with my boyfriend over who I loved more. I thought she was very attractive but of course I had my boyfriend, and of course I couldn't be a lesbian because my family said it was wrong.
Well one night her & I had a little too much to drink together, and she said "I could just kiss you right now." And I said "So do it." And so she did. And we started kissing and eventually we had sex. We were both really drunk, and maybe I was a little less drunk than what I said.
I didn't know how she felt and so the next morning we just played it off like we were just drunk and did something really funny, and that was that.
I have a boyfriend of almost two years that I love very very much, but sometimes I'm sad that I might never get the chance to have a relationship with a woman. And no one knows how I feel about it. My best friend is a lesbian but I'm not sure if it would be weird talking to her about that kind of thing.
Thanks for listening! Or, reading, rather.
=)
Fri Apr 21, 2006 3:47 am
MelaBaby
Joined: 12 Oct 2005
Posts: 54
Thank you for sharing this with us. It sometimes helps to come out to people who have no reason to judge.
I wish I knew what advice to give you, besides "Be true to yourself." If you think you are a lesbian, then you just might be, and if you try to NOT be because of your family, you will just end up being miserable in the long run.
I didn't come out till I was 41, and I was miserable for years. The only good thing that came of living a hetero lifestyle was my kids. In coming out, I DID lose my parents....But I would have ended up losing them one day anyway, if they couldn't love me for who I was.
Best of luck to you, hun.....I know it isn't easy, but you will figure it out. _________________ My Friends call me Mela
Fri May 05, 2006 3:37 pm
island honey
Joined: 09 Aug 2006
Posts: 15
Hi there,
I understand what you are saying, because I'm in your position. I am scared shitless about telling anyone that I think I might be a lesbian. My family are very conservative as well and they will be sure to kick me out of there lives forever.
I think it's hard, but you gotta be true to yourself, you'll end up leading a miserable life, always wondering.
Very best of luck
xxx
Wed Aug 09, 2006 3:41 pm
kaJo
Joined: 19 Jun 2006
Posts: 96
Location: I'm right over here!
Welcome to Mel's rasberry! There are many beautiful, intelligent women here. You should fit right in.
kaJo _________________ We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors ... but they all have to learn to live in the same box.
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