Hello all. I am very new here. I just want to share my story with someone, since I can't share it with anyone.
I've kind of always known that I was bisexual, but I grew up in a very conservative home and those kinds of things just didn't happen to anyone in my family. I grew up thinking that it was wrong and "disgusting." But then when I was in 6th grade I became a member of an all girls softball team. Amanda was our second baseman, and there was something about her that made me really want to... be friends with her. It never clicked in my mind that the reason I liked her so much and wanted to talk to her and call her and be around her all the time, was being I was incredibly attracted to her. I mean I was in 6th grade, I hadn't even had my first boyfriend yet.
And then in the 10th grade on my high school soccer team I had the same kind of feelings for another girl, named Kara. She was religious and very very straight, but I still loved to be around her. I had a boyfriend at the time, also.
And then after my senior year in high school I got a job at a theater and started dating this one guy, and instantly became best friends with this girl, Liz. Liz and I spent 24/7 together and she constantly argued with my boyfriend over who I loved more. I thought she was very attractive but of course I had my boyfriend, and of course I couldn't be a lesbian because my family said it was wrong.
Well one night her & I had a little too much to drink together, and she said "I could just kiss you right now." And I said "So do it." And so she did. And we started kissing and eventually we had sex. We were both really drunk, and maybe I was a little less drunk than what I said.
I didn't know how she felt and so the next morning we just played it off like we were just drunk and did something really funny, and that was that.
I have a boyfriend of almost two years that I love very very much, but sometimes I'm sad that I might never get the chance to have a relationship with a woman. And no one knows how I feel about it. My best friend is a lesbian but I'm not sure if it would be weird talking to her about that kind of thing.
Thanks for listening! Or, reading, rather.
=)
Thu Apr 20, 2006 2:20 pm
ghost
Joined: 06 Nov 2005
Posts: 2828
Location: MIA
Welcome!
hi there raspberry...
welcome to mels. you will find some interesting reading here, and some interesting people too - oh and dont forget the stories and the poetry boards...
browse a while, and you will also find that your situation is talked about in quite a few posts on this forum... maybe when you read them, you will be able to get a better idea of who you are and what makes you happy... sharing your thoughts, i have found, tends to clarify things in your mind a bit.
enjoy!
regards
ghost _________________
MIA
Thu Apr 20, 2006 2:31 pm
Limbo
Joined: 21 Apr 2006
Posts: 68
Location: USA
I have been lurking for a while and am coming out of hiding...maybe?
I can relate to your post- Looking back I can see how many girls I have been attracted to but didn't realize it. I have a husband and he totally floats my boat, but I have always been attracted to women more than men, way more- my husband is the only man I have really been sexually attracted to, ever. I just never even considered the fact that I could be bisexual or lesbian because, well, as in your family, it was NOT an option.
I feel sad too. I don't feel trapped in my relationship, but I am sad because I feel like I have missed out on relationships with women who I feel more comfortable with- like I have missed my window and will never get that chance.
I'll go back into lurk-mode now...
Fri Apr 21, 2006 6:09 am
smallapple
Joined: 25 Mar 2006
Posts: 245
Location: dublin ireland
hay raspberrysaosin
your story made me smile. it is such a good feeling when something like that happens.
i hope to see you later on in here
have fun and welcome to mels
sue
Fri Apr 21, 2006 1:11 pm
goldenwillow
Joined: 12 May 2006
Posts: 87
Location: nashville,tn
i can totally relate! Looking back at my life, i realize that there were a few girls that i was attracted to, but i was raised in such a conservative, "homophobic" society that i repressed those feelings. i always knew that i didn't think i was never as interested in sexual things as the other girls were: but lied to myself for the reasons that was.
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