It has taken me a long time to admit who I am to myself. Oh, I always knew I was a lesbian--but that could not fit into my life. For goodnes sakes, I'm a professional, conservative, Catholic and it does not make sense--I would say to myself.
Recently at 41, I met a woman that brought out in me feelings that I had never felt. I was so very confused. I thought: Is this happening because I have not been interested in dating men for some years, and am I just lonely? I shook it off, but I just could not get her out of my mind. No man ever brought such desires out in me.
I spent some time thinking about this new revelation--how exciting. It cleared my mind and explained so much--like the pieces of my life were finally fitting into place. It was liberating to accept what I've so desperately tried to avoid. At 41 I fantasized about a woman and felt thorough satisfaction--a craving and desire as I have never sensed.
I think she sensed my attraction and clearly it was not mutual. I frightened her, I believe. But that's okay, because of her I am me and I am happy. Still a little nervous, not knowing how to go about it. Nevertheless, feeling free as never before. My mind is finally open to me, for me.
Ok that's it--My Reality!
Ana
Sun Apr 09, 2006 11:23 am
realwoman
Joined: 05 Dec 2005
Posts: 1040
Location: under our tree in Africa
Heya ((((((((((ANA))))))))))) pleased to meet you, and WELCOME TO MELS!
Opening one's mind and facing one's reality and having this feeling of liberation is amazing, isnt it! You have embarked, like many of us at a late stage, on an incredible journey! I only found this road when i was 37, and have never regretted talking it. Yes, sometimes it is a scary one, sometines the road is dark and the way unclear, sometimes we fall into a hole, or even stumble over a rock and get hurt, but it still remains absolutely WORTH IT EVERY STEP OF THE WAY!
WELCOME TO THE JOURNEY! ENJOY THE RIDE!
real _________________ .
.
light is to darkness as love is to fear...
Sun Apr 09, 2006 12:17 pm
Anawrites
Joined: 08 Apr 2006
Posts: 3
Hi Real,
Thanks. The feeling is amazing and the journey well worth it. It does not matter how long I've waited.
I thank MelsWeb, too, a wonderful resource to understanding my own feelings.
I hope to express more as I grow.
Ana
Sun Apr 09, 2006 12:44 pm
lorena
Joined: 11 Apr 2006
Posts: 3
Re: My reality
Well it is never too late to find your true self. I only admitted to myself five years ago when I was 43, and now I'm 48 and am in the best relationship of my entire life. I hated all my relationships with men. I am divorced twice, so it's about time I learned I suppose.
Just out of curiousity, how did this women bring out the feelings after 41 years? Were you physically attracted or emotionally drawn to her? You have an interesting story because I have always been attracted and fantasized about women my entire life, and there never was just one person who changed it for me. While growing up, I would always have crushes on female celebrities and rarely on males. I'm a hopeless romantic and truly believe that your soul mate can be male or female, and if you felt you were drawn to her and never to any other women, then maybe there was something. What made you think it wasn't mutual or she was frightened? Did you ever talk to her about it? If there really was nothing on her part then I'm sure you'll meet some one who is right for you when you least expect it. If I could at the age of 45, then you can at 41. Keep us updated!
Lorena
quote:Originally posted by Anawrites:
It has taken me a long time to admit who I am to myself. Oh, I always knew I was a lesbian--but that could not fit into my life. For goodnes sakes, I'm a professional, conservative, Catholic and it does not make sense--I would say to myself.
Recently at 41, I met a woman that brought out in me feelings that I had never felt. I was so very confused. I thought: Is this happening because I have not been interested in dating men for some years, and am I just lonely? I shook it off, but I just could not get her out of my mind. No man ever brought such desires out in me.
I spent some time thinking about this new revelation--how exciting. It cleared my mind and explained so much--like the pieces of my life were finally fitting into place. It was liberating to accept what I've so desperately tried to avoid. At 41 I fantasized about a woman and felt thorough satisfaction--a craving and desire as I have never sensed.
I think she sensed my attraction and clearly it was not mutual. I frightened her, I believe. But that's okay, because of her I am me and I am happy. Still a little nervous, not knowing how to go about it. Nevertheless, feeling free as never before. My mind is finally open to me, for me.
Ok that's it--My Reality!
Ana
Tue Apr 11, 2006 5:54 am
smallapple
Joined: 25 Mar 2006
Posts: 245
Location: dublin ireland
i denied being attracted to women until i found this site. i always told myself "you know why are you doing this to yourself just go out and find a man and it will be all over. you dont have to be lonely" this was after i broke up with the first girs that ever got my defensive walls down. i got myself a man, not that you could call him a man. it lasted less then a month.
i dont deny it anymore and feel freer than i have in my whole life.
such a good feeling to just let go the role with it.
Tue Apr 11, 2006 10:56 am
ghost
Joined: 06 Nov 2005
Posts: 2828
Location: MIA
Anawrites, welcome to mels. hope you find friends here too, like i did.
to you, and lorena, and small, i say.. good for you! and i hope you find real happiness having made your decisions.
regards
ghost _________________
MIA
Tue Apr 18, 2006 7:02 pm
Hawaiian
Joined: 01 Dec 2005
Posts: 816
Location: Transplanted to Africa
Aloha Ana,
Welcome to mels, and congratulations on embarking on your journey of self-discovery.
I saw on tv recently that 17% of lesbians come out after 40, so you aren't alone. I've been out for more than 20 years, but that lil' tidbit put a smile on my face at 40.
Smilin'
~Hawaiian _________________ 'A'a i ka hula, e waiho i ka hilahila i ka hale.
Dare to dance, leave your shyness at home.
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