Joined: 17 Mar 2006
Posts: 5
Location: St. Louis, MO
Needing Guidance
Hi Ladies...
I have been desperately confused lately and although I know you don't know me and can't tell me what to do...I just would always like to hear a few words of advice.
I have had an attraction to women since the age of which a girl should start having an attraction to boys, around 11. Since I didn't want to be "different" I shoved it off and hid it from everyone including myself. When I was 16 I decided it had to be true and became friends with a girl I fell in love with. I told her one day I liked her and she told me she was a lesbian and liked me too.
Fear of my parent's disapproval I backed away from the relationship I felt would truly make me happy and once again kept those feelings to myself. Now I am 20 years old. She and I have gotten back in contact again and my heart just jumps out of my chest when I hear her voice. She wants me to be with her. I want to be with her. But I know I will lose everything else in the process. Including a long term boyfriend/fiancee and my family. Should I risk it all and embrace who I am or lay subdued in a life more comfortable and known? Do you think I am really a lesbian or just a confused little girl who never got her chance to "experiment"?
Just need advice =)
BTW...I hope to not offend anyone or annoy anyone by my post. I really don't want to be a bother to anyone.
Beauty
Fri Mar 17, 2006 3:15 am
DanceofSorrows
Joined: 29 Aug 2004
Posts: 2837
Beauty,
There are those that say follow your heart and those that say follow your conscience. Both have something of consequence to it. Some have lost familes and that is a life long hurt, some have lost partners. At the end is when we are really sure of how what choices we made affected us.
People can give all kinds of advice but your the only one to pay for it in experience. I wish things were easier in life but sometimes they are not.
I can only offer you encouragement to continue to question all things and keep growing. I can only say that if you need a hug or listening ear, validation for your feelings...I am listening and sending a hug.
One day at a time my friend.
Dance~
Fri Mar 17, 2006 3:51 pm
lichan
Joined: 09 Feb 2006
Posts: 63
Re: Needing Guidance
quote:Originally posted by BeautyWithin:
Hi Ladies...
Should I risk it all and embrace who I am or lay subdued in a life more comfortable and known? Do you think I am really a lesbian or just a confused little girl who never got her chance to "experiment"?
Hey, I know someone who is in the same situation as you, ok well a bit different because she is totally open about her self and her relationship with another girl while she is already engaged. Her fiancee knows about it, and thought it was cool. (I guess he wants a threesome, argh ... guys..) Anyways, this is the part where you ... must search for your answers.
In other words, the question really comes down to "who" do you want to spend the rest of your life with? And do you really want to spend the rest of your life with that person? Will the love last forever? Would you have any regrets if you made the choice?
btw, I live in missouri, and very close to stlouis, good to see a missourian. =)
Sat Mar 18, 2006 11:48 pm
gottalaffalot
Joined: 19 Mar 2006
Posts: 3
Location: Texas
I was 41 years old before I finally admitted to the world that I am a lesbian, and proud of it. However, every situation is different, people are different. You must do what you think you can live with....
Sun Mar 19, 2006 5:35 am
BeautyWithin
Joined: 17 Mar 2006
Posts: 5
Location: St. Louis, MO
Thank all of you for the replies. I have to listen to my heart. I was with her today and realized how much I care. I am just going to try to be strong through all of this. My life is gonna change, I am not coming out yet- but I am going to accept that I am a lesbian and start from there.
Mon Mar 20, 2006 2:07 am
gottalaffalot
Joined: 19 Mar 2006
Posts: 3
Location: Texas
RE: Needing Guidance
Well, that's a start.....good for you!
Tue Mar 21, 2006 3:45 am
RedViolin1
Joined: 29 Sep 2005
Posts: 86
Location: Michigan
Be true to the real you
Beauty only you can decide whats best for you. But let me tell you, you must be true to yourself. Anything else won't work. I was completely like you at age 20 but I went the other route, denying my true self. Got married. I was miserable for a long time. But then again I have 2 wonderful children that are the light of my life. So I wouldn't trade it for the world. Despite the misery.
Doesn't mean you would be miserable, maybe you would maybe not. But denying your sexuality takes a great toll on your soul. Times are now that you have support of sites like Mels and lots of good advice from its members. Take advantage of it.
Family might not react as strongly as you imagine. Some will, some wont. Make sure you gather supportive friends around you, not just a girlfriend. Make financial plans as well if you fear being cut off from family. In other words prepare the way for yourself, that is the way to be strong and independent. Then the choices you make will come easier.
Good Luck to you, and reach for happiness when it shows it's beautiful face. _________________ i am ceaslessly amazing... at times! fun loving, passionate, perfectly imperfect human being.
Some say the glass is half full, some say it's half empty. I drink whats left and ask for a refill!
Tue Mar 21, 2006 6:24 am
Lizzy_tish
Joined: 19 Mar 2006
Posts: 95
Location: N.California
I also waited until later in my life to come out. I thought I was protecting my family...my mom and dad etc......instead I came out after I was married and had two children. I know its hard now, but over time it will get better, your parents are adults and can deal with the outfall, its harder on children. My kids came through everything fine as did my parents, other family members and friends, but I had to consider so much more as I have so much more responsabilty now. Be true to yourself, it will lead you to happiness even if the road you travel is bumpy now, it will get smoother.
Thu Mar 23, 2006 12:04 am
smallapple
Joined: 25 Mar 2006
Posts: 245
Location: dublin ireland
strive to be happy
do what you have to do
Mon Mar 27, 2006 3:08 pm
Mac
Joined: 05 Jun 2005
Posts: 224
Location: Australia
wow, thats such a tough spot to be in. i really really really wish u good luck girl. _________________ Be generous in prosperity and thankful in adversity.
Sat Apr 22, 2006 3:18 am
MelaBaby
Joined: 12 Oct 2005
Posts: 54
All you can do is be true to yourself. Straight or lesbian, it doesn't matter, as long as you make the choice that will make you happiest.
I came out late in life, and found that trying to suppress the "real me" was emotionally damaging to me for many years.
Yes...Coming out meant losses for me. I lost my father and mother in all of this, because they couldn't deal with me leaving my marriage. I have to wonder if I had come out earlier in life if they would have been more accepting.
In the long run, only you can decide your sexuality, and how you deal with your situation. Whatever you decide, know that there are people here who will support you. _________________ My Friends call me Mela
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum
Gallery
FAQ
Profile PM's 
Beauty
