okay i already typed this once and the internet explorer crashed so i will give you the short(er) version
My brother recently came out as gay (and not really through choice....) my dad went mental and so my mum separated from my dad and moved out of the family home into a flat.
Its all a bit rubbish for him because he has had to leave our nice house in the middle of a-levels and he feels responsible for my parents separtion. So i wanted to show him a bit of support and just let him now it WILL get better. He is very new to being gay and doesn't really understand it all, I have sort of been his listener for the past few months
Firstly, I was wondering if there anything else i can do to to help?
Secondly, one of our conversations made me think...we were talking generally and I was telling him about aesthetics and attraction. In short, men are shallow, they like lovely young beautiful girlies, whereas women (while liking attractive men) will merrily overloook this if the man has high status and power... (this is a VERY simplified account)
He asked me "well, I'm gay. how does it work for me, am I a typical shallow man, or do gay men rate partners less based on looks and more on other resources like status?"
I thought this an excellent question, and started wondering if gay people do show different preferences and have decided to do my 3rd year project with this as the focus.
I am basically posting here for the two reasons cited above.
I need as many gay people as possible to participate in this project so if you are interested PM me and I will send you the link.
I would just like to say in advance I hope no one is offended by this or anything, if they are I probably havent explained it very well. :S My best friends housemate basically thought i was trying to perscute him (he's gay) and got quite cross until I properly explained that it's me that's cross!!! Scientific studies purposefully exclude huge groups of people from their studies, most are conducted with straight right handed male (and/or females), and animal studies dont even include females just men! and then they use the results to create models of behaviour or to generalise and apply their findings to the whole population! Grr! the whole thing is incredulous.....basically I am just trying to a bit more gay representation in a the world of psychology.
Ok thanks for your time I hope a few people get back to me!!! ^_^
Wed Mar 08, 2006 5:59 pm
realwoman
Joined: 05 Dec 2005
Posts: 1040
Location: under our tree in Africa
Re: My brother is gay...
quote:Originally posted by contraryclairie:
Firstly, I was wondering if there anything else i can do to to help?
He asked me "well, I'm gay. how does it work for me, am I a typical shallow man, or do gay men rate partners less based on looks and more on other resources like status?"
I thought this an excellent question, and started wondering if gay people do show different preferences and have decided to do my 3rd year project with this as the focus.
Dear claire
I assume that you regard yourself as straight. My brother also came out to my parents, when he was 20, long before I made peace with the fact that I am gay myself, and i can therefore somewhat relate to your situation, as I also gave him support during that time. My parents did not accept it, but they still love him all the same, although they regard his being gay as just a 'phase' (which is now running for 15 years - lol).
However, I dont think the fact that your brother came out caused your parents to seperate. If ppl love each other, they face 'difficulties' together, dont they? Perhaps there may have been other causes?
So, if you want to help him, tell him that he is not responsible for their seperation, and tell him that there is nothing 'wrong' with him - he is normal, as normal as the next person, and as normal as you are!
With regard to your second question, a lot of generalisations, simplifications and misconceptions seem to be contained there-in, and it is also unclear what your research topic is, and what you are trying to find out. The simple answer is that gay ppl does not show different preferences in terms of looks and status and power, not any more or less than non-gay ppl. From my own experience though, lesbians do put a higher value on emotional security than on financial security, but this may be just my perception.
May I therefore suggest that you perhaps do a bit more background literature studies and research before coming back with the question for your topic?
For the members here, please remember not to give out your personal details - once we have more information on the research question, we will make sure that there is an opportunity for us to participate!
Regards
real _________________ .
.
light is to darkness as love is to fear...
Wed Mar 08, 2006 7:13 pm
contraryclairie
Joined: 08 Mar 2006
Posts: 2
Location: York
Hey
thanks loads for replying.
Both my brother and I recognise my mum and dad had massive relationship problems long before any of this. We both grew up totally aware they didn't love each other, my parents lived in separate rooms from when i was 12, my dad has major issues. My brother and dad had to be physically separated when he found out because my dads a bit violent anyway and he totally couldn't cope with my brother being gay. So they sort of had to move out, but no one is under the illusion he ruined an idyllic marriage or anything. I think he just feels a bit guilty because now my mum and I don't have contact with my dad at all-so my mum has to pay for rent on a flat and his tuition fees (which cost loads). Also my dad stopped giving me money towards uni so I have had to take two part time jobs to pay for it. Clearly this is not my brother's fault but thinking about it, I probably should reassure him of this a bit more. So thank you. Its good for him in the respect that both my mum and I understand it is just who he is and it isn't a phase and as you rightly pointed out it is totally normal.
Also for the record, the project is totally confidential and you don't give any personal or identifying information, but with hindsight I see that because this is a forum and anyone could be anyone, you have the right to be apprehensive, and suspect I am a dodgy ne'er-do-well. At the end of the day its nothing that exciting, I am just doing a third year project, its more about doing some stats than doing groundbreaking research, I just need to get a 2.1...... anyway, clearly I came at this all wrong, I wasn't trying to label or box anything just get some height preference in potential sexual partners.
Anyway, thanks for the advice....
Wed Mar 08, 2006 10:57 pm
Cavewoman
Joined: 06 Sep 2005
Posts: 2056
Location: nearby
height preference in potential sexual partners?
nevermind. _________________ " The sorcerers in life are created within each of us" --- Lynn V. Andrews
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum
Gallery
FAQ
Profile PM's 
Scientific studies purposefully exclude huge groups of people from their studies, most are conducted with straight right handed male (and/or females), and animal studies dont even include females just men! and then they use the results to create models of behaviour or to generalise and apply their findings to the whole population! Grr! the whole thing is incredulous.....basically I am just trying to a bit more gay representation in a the world of psychology.
I hope a few people get back to me!!! ^_^
