I apologize for the funny title. I just wanted to grab your attention.
I was lurking around this forum and found this thread started by Marlene. That encouraged me to write my own question that is somewhat similar to hers.
I am a divorced straight woman in my mid thirties. I have not been in a relationship for several years and feel very lonely.
My best friend (let us call her Cindy) is a lesbian. She too is a divorcee. I know Cindy for many years since we were both married. She says that until she divorced, she could not understand why a woman would be interested in another woman. The divorce left her heartbroken and depressed. She survived the ordeal thanks to a very good friend who stood by her in the worst time of her life. She says that gradually she started liking this friend, her smiles, her eyes, her feminine figure pleased her. At first she dismissed the feeling attributing it to her state of mind and her situation with her divorce, but when one night this friend kissed her; to her surprise she liked it. All it took, she says, was one romantic night of passion for her to discover her hitherto unknown aspects of her sexuality. Her friend moved to another city but from that moment Cindy has dated a few women but never again a man. She says that she is quite surprised that men do not even enter in her fantasies anymore. She finds them gross, selfish, dirty and rude.
According to Cindy there are no real straight people and everyone can become lesbian (or gay) if she or he puts her mind to it. In her analogy, “same sex is like caviar. Its taste grows on you”. She says some people discover their homosexuality early on in their lives as children while others discover it later in life but everyone is homosexual as much as he or she is heterosexual. It depends on how much emphasis you put on which side of your sexuality. In other words if you start fantasizing about people of other sex you become heterosexual and if you start fantasizing about people of the same sex you become homosexual. “Our sexuality is determined by what we have between our ears and not by what we have between our legs”, words of Cindy.
I am a bit confused. I never thought one can become a homo after having lived as a hetero for so many years. Yet at the same time I am intrigued. I am not desperate but lonely. Cindy is my best friend and we get alone so well. She is very beautiful but I have never thought of her in a sexual way. I was raised to like men not women, even though my relationships with them have not worked as well as my friendships with women. Cindy is a wonderful person and a great friend. `We are completely in sync with each other. If she was a man I would marry her. LOL!
Cindy has hinted a few times that she is attracted to me. I notice her eyes chasing me and exploring my body. That does not offend me at all. In fact I feel flattered to be admired by her. But I am also very nervous. Is it true that hetero sexual people can develop the taste for same sex? I had always believed that one is born homo or hetero and there is nothing one can do about his or her sexual orientation. But the claim that perfectly heterosexual people can become homosexuals intrigues me. It can open a door to new possibilities. Can anyone shed some light on this please? Maybe you can share your story and how did you discover your sexuality.
I hope my ignorance on this matter does not offend anyone. Thank you for your feedback.
Tue Feb 28, 2006 10:41 pm
Miniminx
Joined: 02 Oct 2005
Posts: 19
Can I become a Homosexual??????????
If I go to bed with the same sex as myself, does that make me a homosexual???
If I go to bed with a person of the opposite sex does that make me straight???
Or am I just a person with labels!!...................
Tue Feb 28, 2006 11:00 pm
Khaleesi Moderators
Joined: 06 May 2005
Posts: 551
Location: FL
Marlene's post has made for some very interesting conversation in chat. Her situation is quite different from yours though. i warned her about 'playing with fire' because of the consequences of bringing a 3rd party into any relationship. You, however apparantly are not in that situation. If this is a genuine curiousity and you have some interest in your friend then you have a different problem. Sex can change a friendship. So i recommend caution. As i told Marlene, women bond emotionally very quickly. i do not agree totally with your friend about being hetero or homosexual. i believe some people are truly one or the other and can not change. Then there are those that are somewhere in the middle and depending on circumstance, they could be with either sex. That is just my opinion though. Feel free to come to chat and talk anytime.
slaveofMistress _________________ Hike up your skirt a little more and show your world to me.....
Never start a row in public when it can be settled politely in private. ~My Father~
Wed Mar 01, 2006 12:44 am
coconut
Joined: 13 Feb 2006
Posts: 238
Can I Become A Homosexual?
Here is my opinion
Take it for what it's worth.
I did not set out to fall in love with a woman. I didn't try to fall in love with a man. I spent my life just taking care of me. Then I met someone. This person had a heart of gold. This person made me smile. This person made me realize that I had worth. This taught me that is was ok to hurt. This person taught me that it was not a horrible thing to cry. This person showed me how good life could be. I fell hed over heels for this person. It just so happned that she was a woman. I fell in love with the heart and soul and not the gender.
I don't see becoming a homosexual as really changing who you have always been. I see it as breaking away from what society says you are supposed to love and taking the time to really get to know the heart of a person and not spend so much time obsessing over the package. _________________
Wishing you were
somehow here again
wishing you were
somehow near
Sometimes it seemed
if I just dreamed
somehow you would
be here
Wed Mar 01, 2006 3:54 am
LoriSue
Joined: 25 Jul 2005
Posts: 118
Location: Canada
Hi Palma,
My first reaction when I read your question was: good heavens, when are people going to realize that loving another woman is not learning calculus - you don't work at it, you see it as a gift, a life altering connection and a part of your life that surpasses any other joy you have ever known! However, then I re-read your post and picked up on the sincerity in it. So, I will share my feelings on the subject for what it is worth.
I truly believe that we are influenced from birth to build relationships in what, according to post-modern ideology, says is a normal manner: man with woman, woman with man. Anything outside of this "acceptable pairing" is abnormal and we are expected to wear the guilt and shame that goes along with wearing that label. Helping out in this manner of control are the many fundamental religions that not only attach an expectation to people's lives but determine the race for heaven based on who falls into line - heterosexuals go up........ non-heteros take the fast train to h-e-double hockey sticks!
Therefore, when a woman who has lived her entire life under that type of mind control realizes as she gets older and more aware of the world around her that there are options outside of what she has seen as her normal, she is afraid to take that step. This natural reluctance to step into the world of perceived abnormality makes us reluctant to recognize parts of us that may have existed from birth. It also, many times, forces us to live a life that does not recognize our own truth and thereby causes us to miss out on many fulfilling relationships just because we are afraid to admit that maybe....just maybe.....we are not the ones who are wrong. After all, who exactly said that they had the inside track on what is right and wrong, normal or abnormal. Oops, that was a man, I believe.
Anyway, after all of that, I can say that at 38 years old I came out. It was the best thing I ever did - for me, for my children and for all of those who needed to see that there are many of us who are willing to take that step to reclaim our happiness and live life in honesty. I am doing that now and I can truly say that for the first time in my life I am happy, whole and fulfilled. It was hard to admit to myself that I was about to step out of the boundaries of society's 'normal' especially as I was a community leader and a prominent figure in a fundamental religion in our area. However, at some point in our lives we have to realize that a) this life is all we have. We may not be going to some specific place in this life journey so the journey itself is what we need to honour and value. Enjoy it - it doesn't come again. And b) we lead by example. Yes it's hard for some of us to come to that realization of our true selves but in doing so we not only insure happiness for ourselves but will contribute to someone else doing the same thing!
That is my opinion on whether you can 'become' a homosexual. I guess you can, seeing as those of us who were lesbians managed to live some of our lives as heterosexuals for many years. However, I believe that if you are truly a lesbian you will find that it is not an unpleasant chore nor will you have to do much work at it. I just ask that you try your best not to hurt potential partners along the way. As well, be aware that if you cross that line with your friend and find that it does not work out, you are at risk of losing that friendship.
I wish you the best, Palma. I hope you find the answers you are seeking.
I wish you peace.......
Lorisue _________________
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten......
Natasha Bedingfield
Wed Mar 01, 2006 12:08 pm
katla12
Joined: 24 Feb 2006
Posts: 70
Location: Los Angeles, California, USA
straight to gay?
Here goes... I am 48years old. I have been attracted to women since I can remember maybe age 4and 1/2? I did not know what is was nor did I think It was abnormal.I was always femme a girly girl and wanted to be married with children. Puberty hit and then I knew I was different. Absolutley no attraction to men at all. I asked my mom what you call someone like me and that's when I heard lesbian for the first time. Now I knew but it sure wasn't what I wanted. Anyway I have been out for a long time and I realize I was born this way. Why others marry? I do not know? Both my ex lovers were married with children. One went back to another man the other stayed with women.I get lonely too but the thought of men and being sexual with a man just grosses me out. I have been asked out and hit on by men far more than I have with women. I just do not see them as an alternitive to my true sexuality. _________________ Tell Me About You? I Want to Know More!
Wed Mar 01, 2006 4:55 pm
Bobby Mcgee
Joined: 25 Apr 2005
Posts: 382
Location: The Buckle Of the Bible Belt
Youu are attracted to who you are attracted to. Don't worry about labels. They cause anxiety because when you try to put labels on things you are putting yourself in a box you have to live in. There are studies showing we have a predisposed tendency to one or the other. But sometimes those lines are blurred. You can be attracted to both. You can be attracted to people of the same sex or people of the opposite sex. But the bottom line is, if you start a relationship,it needs to be because you love the person and are attracted to them.
B. _________________ "If you want to see the rainbow, you are going to have to deal with the rain" Dolly Parton
Wed Mar 01, 2006 6:07 pm
Palma
Joined: 28 Feb 2006
Posts: 3
Dear All.
Thank you very much for all your feedbacks. I am glad I asked. I learned so much from your insights. I still have one nagging question and that concerns my children. I see some of you also have children. How did they take it? What was their reaction? Where they shocked? Did this impact their behavior? I know this might be a difficult question and it is hard to be absolutely objective. Nonetheless I still would like to know what you think about the way your children handled after you dropped the bombshell.
Bobby wrote:
quote:
"Don't worry about labels. They cause anxiety"
I like that analogy. Except that I have to get used to the idea that my genital is just a label. There is always one label attached to our underwear. Looks like there is also one inside it. .
Please keep writing and tell me everything you think I should know. I feel that I am learning more by talking to you than if I had to study a dozen of books on homosexuality.
Fri Mar 03, 2006 3:02 am
Palma
Joined: 28 Feb 2006
Posts: 3
Is there anyone willing to answer my question regarding the children? I am really interested to hear from mothers how they broke the news to their kids and what was their reaction.
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