Hello. I came across this forum the other day but unsure of what to post. So, I am kind of confused about my sexual identity and here is why. I never liked being intimate with men. I shut off but that could also be connected to my childhood. I am attracted to men but I do not like having sex with them.
I never really had a long term boyfriend because as soon as a guy tries to smother me I am out the door. I find myself attracted to women for emotional intimacy. I have never been with a woman and not sure if I want to be or not. I am just really confused right now lol.
Sometimes I wonder if I am just asexual or something. When my girlfriends talk about how much they like sex I just switch off and I cannot relate to them. I have not really spoken about this with anyone. I have spoken about my issues with sex with my therapist but not any of my friends. I am just not sure what to say. People have questioned my sexual orientation because I just do not show any interest.
Okay, I hope I have not confused anyone. I am just confused myself.
Sat Feb 18, 2006 1:34 pm
Mairi bheag
Joined: 04 Mar 2005
Posts: 5094
Location: Scotland
Well there are plenty of people here to talk to about this and other subjects.
We all get confused from time to time. Don't worry.
I can't offer much advice myself on this one, but I am sure someone will.
Mb
xx
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Mon Feb 20, 2006 4:51 pm
LoriSue
Joined: 25 Jul 2005
Posts: 118
Location: Canada
Hi Strawberry,
I'm sorry that I greeted you and then didn't get a chance to respond to your post. I am glad that you are here.
It is not unusual to question your relationship preferences. I am not sure how old you are, however, sometimes it can take many years of a person's life to know where they fit and be comfortable with it. Unfortunately, we look at this kind of journey as painful but it doesn't have to be. A little patience and faith in the fact that you are okay and that you will come to know who you are will get you a long way.
You mention that some of what you are feeling might be connected to childhood events. I am not sure what you are referring to (nor am I asking you to disclose that here) but I will say that it is also not unusual for life experiences to cause us to question ourselves including sexuality issues, etc. Sometimes it is beneficial to speak to a counsellor to determine whether these experiences have any bearing on our confusion. Having said that, I want to once again emphasize that it is not unusual to feel confused about our sexual identity as we go through life, especially when we are young.
Depending on where you live, you may have access to free or low cost counselling if that is something you would like to pursue. A call to your mental health association may help you with that. As well, this is a very supportive site with women of varied backgrounds and life experiences. it is a great place to come and post or to chat and let yourself relax and be open to new life experiences. Who knows what lies ahead for you!
If there is anything I can ever do to help, feel free to post here or PM me. Take care and I hope you enjoy your time here.
I wish you peace......
Lorisue
Mon Feb 20, 2006 11:38 pm
Eilidh Moderators
Joined: 09 Apr 2005
Posts: 1880
Hey Strawberry,
I'm glad to see you post. Figuring all this stuff out can be very confusing. I can relate to much of what you describe. I identify as asexual lesbian, meaning that, while I am attracted to women (emotionally, intellectually, etc), I do not experience sexual attraction toward anyone, regardless of gender. So, there are two issues to consider here: who you are attracted to, and how you are attracted to them. Needless to say, no one orientation is "better" than another, it's all about what feels right. Like Mairi bheag said, there are plenty of women here who are willing to talk and listen to what you have to say. If you are looking to talk about asexuality, you might want to check out AVEN at www.asexuality.org. Feel free to PM me as well.
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