I am married, I told my hubby last Oct. that I like women, and have for almost as long as I can remember. I needed to be honest with him, as well as with myself. I have only been with one woman, which was recently. My hubby knows about her and says he is ok with it. I have my reservations about this whole thing, even if he is ok with it.......I am going out of my marriage to be with someone else, to help fulfill my needs, emotionally and physically.
Our marriage isn't perfect, I don't think any relationship is. But, his idea of love is having sex a few times a week, and if we don't, then I must not love him. WHATEVER!!!! I don't need sex to feel loved. Sure sex is awesome, but its not the end all be all to feeling loved. Anyways, I have confronted him on going to massage parlors in the past, to get his "pole waxed" so to speak. This really hurts my feelings......to me that is going out of the marriage. Who knows what else he has done....he used to travel alot...gives him plenty of opportunity for other things as well. I have never been unfaithful to him, up until recently, with this other woman.
And now, I seen a credit charge for a stupid singles site. And I have seen some of his emails to some of these ladies. Like, "I won't be out your way, until later this year....blah, blah, blah". I asked him about it, he says he is just talking with these ladies about how to better understand me!!!! By the way, he told one lady in an email, that his wife was "OK with him giving and receiving oral sex from other women". I have never said that!!!! Give me a break!!! Yesterday, I asked him when was the last time he went to a massage parlor, (since my suspisions are now raised, again) and he said a couple of months ago. What an a**hole!!! Not to say that what I am doing is justifiable in any way shape or form, but at least I was honest, and I would never have done anything without his support or blessings, so to speak.
So, after all these years together(him being my first), and denying myself the pleasures of a woman all these years.........my hubby has been going out on me, getting his shit sucked off by some skanky floozys. I was willing to forgive and forget the first time I caught him doing it. But I don't think I can this time. I am just torn up about this whole thing. I know what I am doing is wrong, and I can't help I like women. but when he keeps doing what he Has been doing, it almost makes me feel right about what I am doing sometimes. I kept my own impulses at bay forever it seems like. I am so confused, angry, hurt and heartbroken by these events.
Sorry for such a long thread, just needed to get it out......any advise would be greatly appreciated. _________________ just because you can't find me, doesn't mean i'm lost
Fri Jul 08, 2005 3:12 am
Jules
Joined: 22 Feb 2005
Posts: 904
Location: Home
I guess I can add my two cents here. I cannot say much on his past mistakes...However...I know that when I first told my husband, and even still today..He has made it his mission in life to reaffirm his manhood. Did you telling him come as a shock to him? I know it was a shock to mine. He knew something was very, very wrong of course, but thought I was with some other man! LOL, just had to giggle there. He automatically assumed it was something he had done wrong. Assumed he was less of a man for it. We have talked since and he realizes it was never him...Give things some time, I know you feel hurt, betrayed, and a hundred other things. Give him the space to do what he needs to do, in his own way he is giving you the space you need as well. It just happens to be through some other woman (or a website, chat room) he is needing to feel like a "man". Good luck to you...
Fri Jul 08, 2005 12:57 pm
Renee
Joined: 05 Jul 2005
Posts: 88
Shelfy,
What would your ideal situation be? Is divorce an option for you? It sounds like you have both "gone out of the marriage" to have your needs met. Like many guys, your husband's needs are primarily physical, not emotional. He is getting his "pole waxed" by strangers, women he has no emotional connection with, thus, in his eyes they are probably non-threatening to his marriage. You, on the other hand, have an emotional and physical connection with another woman, much more of a threat. Plus, he probably IS feeling a tad emasculated by all this. You can't expect him not to dally, especially if you are doing so. Good luck.
Fri Jul 08, 2005 5:34 pm
shelfy
Joined: 27 Jun 2005
Posts: 55
Location: michigan
Jules and Renee,
Thanks for your advise. The two of you have your valid points on somethings.....but my problem is that he has been going out of the marriage, i think the whole time we have been married, i am almost positive. I have been faithful to him up until this year. And at least I was open and honest with him about my desires for other women. Maybe it was just all the years of loniness i have been feeling that really drove me to seek out women. It was something I had to do for myself, i was beginning to hate myself for denying what i felt for other women. But, it doesn't make what I did right. I don't know if divorce is an option for me, I do love my hubby, even though we have done some crappy things to each other.But for years, he was always away working, and when he was home, it seemed like i was still alone. I or should I say , we(hubby and I) have been very nieve about what a marriage should be. I am now starting to open up about what I really want out out of myself and him, and out of life. But you never know what the future holds......I would like to maybe have a girlfriend on the side along with being with my hubby. But that is selfish of me to do, and someone will eventually get hurt. So now I am at the dilema, should I just repress my feelings towards women or maybe move forward with this and just keep having "open conversation" LOL with my hubby and see how it works out. Hell, I guess I shouldn't think I can have my cake and eat it too! And who knows, maybe he just is reaffirming his manhood since i told him about my liking women. I don't think a man would ever admit he is feeling threatened by another woman. This is a very stressful place to be right now....and most of it could have been avoided if I just would have repressed my feelings, like i usually do. Thanks again ladies for the wonderful insight into my situation
Take Care _________________ just because you can't find me, doesn't mean i'm lost
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