Everyday I drive to work praying to the goddess to let me be hit by a mac truck. Everyday I just keep going through the motions of life praying that she will release me and let me go. Why am I here? I am doing no good to anyone. The only friends I have are the lovley ladies here. My wife abviously doesnt need me. Work is dicking me around. My boss is an idiot. I live in a tiny apt which we were supposed to buy a house months ago. So this apt. is filled to the brim of crap that was supposed to be for the house. It is impossible to keep it clean to my standards because of all the stuff we have aquired. And now to make matters worse I am 800 dollars away from being able to keep this tiny little apt alive. Well fuck if that aint life kicking you in the teeth I dont know what!!
Most of know that I am a pagan. I pray to both the god and the goddess. What you may not know is that I happen to feel very happy in a chapel. I like the cross (of course a celtic cross would be more calming) I like the staind glass windows. I like the feeling of peace that comes over me after sitting in front of that cross for a while. When I pray to the goddess I go outside. I like to sit in the middle of many trees and just look up. Usually at night when the stars shine bright.
I was sitting in front of the cross three times a day while we were in the hospital. The other day I was crying, of course as always, and all the sudden it was like this light come over me. My body had an entire sensation of warmth. All the sudden I stopped crying. I just looked up and sighed. I had this complete feeling of peace.
Of course it only lasted a few seconds but the emotion was so great. I have never felt such peace before. I have been suicidal for so long that I forgot what it was like to feel peace. To feel a calming sensation like everything was going to be ok. Everyone talks about the test of faith. Bull shit. Its a test of strenght.
MH _________________ From this life to the next
I will love you
Sat Jul 09, 2005 2:30 pm
sothernnite
Joined: 12 Jun 2005
Posts: 259
Location: South Georgia
Mistress Haven
i know Wwe havent spoken and You dont know me. but sometimes i get these feelings. and most of the time they are right. and i have to say that Goddess has a plan for You. it is true, it takes strength to get through but sometimes it doesnt feel like You have much strength when You are hanging on by your fingertips. and i can surely see You being at peace in a chapel. most i have been in are truly a center for calmness. and whether You be a pagan or christian, that calmness will seep through You. there are many women of power here, though i only know one personally. and i am sure they send their love and their light and their energy out to You as You need it. i think these women are more than online friends but are also the ledge at which your fingertips grasp. and they are holding on to You. and if i may be so bold Mistress, i will hold onto You too.
Humbly and Sincerely
sothernnite
I have only within the last year found my religion...again. I do however feel very passionate about it. I have good and bad experiences and I thank the gods everday for those experiences have only made me stronger.
I hope to see you and chat so we can speak on a more personal level. You sound like a very passionate woman and I strive to meet woman like that. You may also pm me if you wish. I would love to hear your thoughts.
MH _________________ From this life to the next
I will love you
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