Joined: 12 Jun 2005
Posts: 17
Location: Sydney, Australia
Help!
Ok Melsweb... I need your help!
I've been with my boyfriend for about 2 years now, but it's been dawning on me (since i was about 15ish) that I might be gay... Well, bisexual really. I love my boy very much, but have always been more physically attracted to the female form, voice, everything. He knows all this, and wants me to explore it. But I'm just too nervous to initiate anything with a girl... I'm not ashamed to flirt, but too scared to make a bold first move!
How do I get the confidence to be more initiating? And is it wrong to pursue something when you know it would only be a physical fling? A quasi-cheating one at that! Agh! Seeing it in words makes me feel like such a bitch! But does anyone understand my predicament...?
Flick xox _________________ “You would say—would you not? —that the
soul of him who desires is seeking after the
object of his desire: or that he is drawing to
himself the thing which he wishes to
possess…?”
-Plato, The Republic
Mon Jun 13, 2005 12:32 am
leguan
Joined: 29 May 2005
Posts: 126
Location: Austria
Dear flicker,
I had a long-distance-only-weekends-relationship with my first boyfriend for 11 years (!) and if we hadn’t moved in together and I would have had to live with him every day and every night for one long year, and had to grow accustomed to feel like his wife, maybe I would have never found the strength to try me and my desire for a woman’s body, that I felt for sooooo loooong. The pressure inside of my heart and soul increased and I decided to leave my man at the age of 29 (!). I loved him and it really did hurt to leave him, but I soon felt free and peaceful and open for the real love, where there is heart soul and body simultaneously yelling: YES!
And once you kiss the desired lips of the woman you love, you ask yourself why you waited for sooooo looooong.
Sincerely
Leguan
Mon Jun 13, 2005 8:51 pm
wyldhart
Joined: 02 Dec 2004
Posts: 1216
.....when the heart is willing.....mind and body shall follow....if the spirit as a whole is open and free.........
our journeys are made up of choices...the choice you choose sets the course of the path that your journey shall travel....
warmest hugs
wyld _________________ "wyld in the darkest places of your mind"
Tue Jun 14, 2005 8:19 am
flicker
Joined: 12 Jun 2005
Posts: 17
Location: Sydney, Australia
Thank you both for your supportive words! I would love to have your strength and courage...
I guess I'm just scared to leave him when I have no idea how I will feel once (hopefully) in a girl-girl relationship. I wouldn't want to throw away such a beautiful relationship with him to find it'd only a
physical
thing that I feel for women. I'm only 20, as well! But then again, I feel it
soooo
strongly! The thought of a girl's body invades me every minute, it feels!
The up-side is, as I mentioned, he has encouraged me to explore it,
within
our relationship. He sees it as not cheating... Do you think that means he doesn't take my attraction to girls seriously? Should I really take advantage of his attitude?!!
Sorry for all my questions and confusion! I guess this is the first time I've addressed this completely and openly... Although I'm not new to the feelings, I'm new to discussing them... addressing them, even!
Thanks girls
Flick xox _________________ “You would say—would you not? —that the
soul of him who desires is seeking after the
object of his desire: or that he is drawing to
himself the thing which he wishes to
possess…?”
-Plato, The Republic
Tue Jun 14, 2005 9:46 am
Rawne
Joined: 18 May 2005
Posts: 24
Location: UK,
quote:Originally posted by flicker:
Do you think that means he doesn't take my attraction to girls seriously? Should I really take advantage of his attitude?!!
Flick xox
He probably thinks that you are bi-sexual, which you indicated in your first post. You should ask him to try and pick up a girl for you if you are too nervous to initiate anything with a girl.
p.s have you read Plato? Is he any good? _________________ Brother, can ye spare some cutter?
Tue Jun 14, 2005 9:53 am
leguan
Joined: 29 May 2005
Posts: 126
Location: Austria
Dear Flick,
sounds like all those questions I had in my mind while living in the relationship with my man. It felt good, it was a good relationship,
but ...
I certainly had flings with women all those years and therefore knew the problem’s not falling in love with a woman, but
daring to end up the relationship I was living in
!
If you never fell in love with a woman, then you only have the physical desire. Well then, there are straight women enough running around wanting woman, but living straight!
You'll find women enough! Just don’t go into the lesbian scene and break a heart of one of our sisters!!!
To refer to Plato: Trust the real things and not the shadows on the wall!!!
Sincerely
Leguan
Tue Jun 14, 2005 10:32 am
flicker
Joined: 12 Jun 2005
Posts: 17
Location: Sydney, Australia
quote:Originally posted by leguan:
If you never fell in love with a woman, then you only have the physical desire. Well then, there are straight women enough running around wanting woman, but living straight!
You'll find women enough! Just don’t go into the lesbian scene and break a heart of one of our sisters!!!
To refer to Plato: Trust the real things and not the shadows on the wall!!!
Sincerely
Leguan
Hey! I'm not
planning
to ever break somone's heart, gay or straight. But even if I did, as so often happens to people, I wouldn't have been able to help who I was attracted to. No-one can. I'm sure beautiful sisters, as you put it, have the potential to break the hearts of many, MANY men! Even if I do discover myself to be straight at the end of the day (which, for the record, I don't think I am... but then again, I'm only 20...) yet still physically attracted to women, is that frowned upon by the lesbian community? Why the hostility directed at the possibility of a bi-sexual (straight, even) girl being involved with a lesbian?
xox Flick _________________ “You would say—would you not? —that the
soul of him who desires is seeking after the
object of his desire: or that he is drawing to
himself the thing which he wishes to
possess…?”
-Plato, The Republic
Sat Jun 18, 2005 9:38 am
leguan
Joined: 29 May 2005
Posts: 126
Location: Austria
Dear Flick,
don’t get me wrong! I didn’t mean to sound hostile towards your concerns!
Pardon me if I hurt you
, but it’s just that I’ve seen too many lesbian hearts broken by straight women who just wanted to play around. I think it’s not fair when straight women
(knowing exactly that they won’t fall in love with a woman, who just do it because it doesn't feel like cheating their man when fucking a woman)
deliberately are fishing in a place that’s filled up with open-hearted lesbians who are willingly eating the bait ...
Sincerely
leguan
Sat Jun 18, 2005 10:56 am
flicker
Joined: 12 Jun 2005
Posts: 17
Location: Sydney, Australia
quote:Originally posted by leguan:
Dear Flick,
don’t get me wrong! I didn’t mean to sound hostile towards your concerns!
Pardon me if I hurt you
, but it’s just that I’ve seen too many lesbian hearts broken by straight women who just wanted to play around. I think it’s not fair when straight women
(knowing exactly that they won’t fall in love with a woman, who just do it because it doesn't feel like cheating their man when fucking a woman)
deliberately are fishing in a place that’s filled up with open-hearted lesbians who are willingly eating the bait ...
Sincerely
leguan
Sorry, Leguan... I approached my response with an equal amount of hostility, I apologise!
It must be awful watching your friends have their hearts broken. I guess its awful for anyone, no matter what their sexual disposition. I really just wanted to apologise and to clarify: I am not one of those nasty straight women!!! I have never been in love with a girl before (at least, I don't
think
!) but I'm not totally discounting the fact that I one day could be. Yes, I do have a stable boyfriend currently, but I am also wrapped around the little pinkie of this girl at college... and have been for years! She's... *sighs*... incredible. I assure you, I would never,
ever
be with her (if I was ever so lucky to have the smallest of oppotunities! ) because "it doesn't feel like cheating my man when fucking a woman".
I believe a lot of girls in my situation, coming out of their teens and working out where their desires lay, want to experience what it's like to be with a girl for it's own, beautiful sake - Not to deliberately take fishes out of your pond, but because they have a desire that they're being true to. I honestly don't believe many women would be with a lesbian just because it doesn't count as cheating... Can you imagine being with a man for the same reason? haha, yuk!
Perhaps I'm still young and naive!
But none-the-less, there's my young, naive rant
Sorry again honey,
xox Flick _________________ “You would say—would you not? —that the
soul of him who desires is seeking after the
object of his desire: or that he is drawing to
himself the thing which he wishes to
possess…?”
-Plato, The Republic
Sat Jun 18, 2005 11:29 am
Phoenix Moderators
Joined: 27 Jan 2005
Posts: 1664
Location: Tallahassee Florida
Hi Flicker,
This subject of breaking lesbians hearts is very real. I have been in chat rooms, not on mels, but gaycom where a bi was pretty severely ostracized because of this very issue. Self discovery is wonderful, but imho if one has a steady boyfriend and is dabbling in the idea of being with women, look for someone else who is doing the same.
Lesbians are not dabbling, they know what they want, and a cute, wonderful bi-woman is dangerous territory. It's not that another lesbian can't break another's heart, but that so often the bi-woman has her fling and the lesbian gets wrapped up in her and *poof* the bi one is gone... back to her man or men in general. Lesbian relationships are typically emotionally intense and completely different than one with a man. They tend to be higher maintenance because of this intensity, communication, and connection. I was a lesbian stuck in an 8 yr marriage. When I finally came to my senses and quit trying to be "normal" and "Christian", I thought I was bi-sexual because I had no problem with the sexual aspect of being with a man. No, it was the lack of emotional connection for me. So, I was the opposite... a lesbian in waiting but open to men. Talk about the ability to leave husks of broken men in my wake!
So, just enjoy the exploration, but be careful with getting with a lesbian. Now, that being said, if your honest, tell her what you are doing and why and she still jumps in your pond to swim then fine, eyes are open and risks are known.
Hugs,
brat _________________ "A little work won't hurt you bad, but just in case I'm wrong, you'll be smiling when they pronounce you dead." Amanda Marshall 'This could take all night
Sat Jun 18, 2005 2:28 pm
flicker
Joined: 12 Jun 2005
Posts: 17
Location: Sydney, Australia
quote:Originally posted by Temps_brat:
This subject of breaking lesbians hearts is very real. I have been in chat rooms, not on mels, but gaycom where a bi was pretty severely ostracized because of this very issue. Self discovery is wonderful, but imho if one has a steady boyfriend and is dabbling in the idea of being with women, look for someone else who is doing the same.
Thanks for the honest advice! I was always planning to be honest in what I was doing and what I wanted, but now realise that staying away from lesbians completely (at least while I'm attached) is the right idea. That said, a flirtacious little thing might come my way who doesn't want a relationship either... But that's probably a very rare dream, lol!
Thanks for your advice guys. Sorry if I offended, it's just... I'm new to talking and reading about this lifestyle. It's wondeful to finally be open about it, but I guess I have a lot to learn!
Hugs xox Flick _________________ “You would say—would you not? —that the
soul of him who desires is seeking after the
object of his desire: or that he is drawing to
himself the thing which he wishes to
possess…?”
-Plato, The Republic
Sun Jun 19, 2005 3:32 am
Phoenix Moderators
Joined: 27 Jan 2005
Posts: 1664
Location: Tallahassee Florida
Hi Flicker,
quote:
That said, a flirtacious little thing might come my way who doesn't want a relationship either... But that's probably a very rare dream, lol!
Sydney is teaming with hot flirtatious lesbians, so it is not far fetched at all... just let em know you want to explore, play, and offer nothing long term. You may discover you really do want to be with a woman, so explore and have fun!
brat _________________ "A little work won't hurt you bad, but just in case I'm wrong, you'll be smiling when they pronounce you dead." Amanda Marshall 'This could take all night
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Agh! Seeing it in words makes me feel like such a bitch! But does anyone understand my predicament...?
Hey! I'm not
, but it’s just that I’ve seen too many lesbian hearts broken by straight women who just wanted to play around. I think it’s not fair when straight women
) because "it doesn't feel like cheating my man when fucking a woman".
