I’m in love truly, deeply, for seven years now committed to my wife! I comfort her, trust her, be faithful to her, we talk much, we make love ... but it’s a matter of fact, that we life a life that’s designed after my wives wishes. Why? First: because she’s a real taurus and therefore stubborn like hell and Second: because I am extremely altruistic and if I feel like she would like it more this way than that way, we will do it this way! We both know that it is like that and it was ok
until today
...
Today we got into a real bad argument and I said many things that must have hurt her. It was just like something inside of me wanted to break free, like there was a long gagged mouth that wanted to shout out “IRIS (that’s my name) FOR ONCE LISTEN TO YOUR SOUL”. I was rattled! I told my wife, that I want to change and begin to “stand up for my rights” and because she cannot be made responsible for me always being so willingly outvoted, I told her not to take my wishes as a attack on our love. But WOW, she understood everything wrong and now we have real trouble in our paradise.
You got any clues for me?
Fri Jun 10, 2005 9:30 pm
Mairi bheag
Joined: 04 Mar 2005
Posts: 5094
Location: Scotland
My heart thumps when I read of relationships where there is no proper communication. I have been in too many! Lack of communication is a sign of real lack of equality. You two
must
talk, and you must talk
without
arguing, which means that you must
listen
to each other. If your love is strong, it will survive this. If it doesn't survive, it may never have been as strong as you thought. I am sorry if that sounds brutal, but I am convinced that no relationship can last without communication.
Whatever you both decide to do, remember that you have a community of loving friends here on the forum.
hey - you could always blame us!
Mb
xx _________________ all posted material (c) Marie Marshall, unless otherwise stated.
Sat Jun 11, 2005 8:41 am
leguan
Joined: 29 May 2005
Posts: 126
Location: Austria
Dear Mb,
you are so right! And there is no one to blame except me! I am really angry with myself! I never mentioned to my wife that
lately
I started swallowing hard, when another of my plans was outvoted. I am so fucking altruistic! Now my wife is accustomed to me being sweet and easy and it is understandable that she is astonished at her “new” sweetheart. Today we talked again and we listened to each other and we agreed, that from now on I should always tell clearly and immediately, when dissatisfied with something and that we will see what happens to our love.
Though, I am very optimistic, because I never did let my emotional and sexual wishes being outvoted, it really refers only to our “outheart-life” (like whether taking the car or riding the bike, going to a party or not, do this or do that ... all those details that can grow so big sometimes ...)
I am glad I found mels; and maybe - like you suggested - in the end I can blame all you romantics out there
Thanks.
Sincerely
Iris (the leguan)
Sat Jun 11, 2005 11:38 am
Mairi bheag
Joined: 04 Mar 2005
Posts: 5094
Location: Scotland
Leguan -thanks for the return comments. Do take notice of Dance's comments above - very wise woman!
Mb
xx _________________ all posted material (c) Marie Marshall, unless otherwise stated.
Sat Jun 11, 2005 12:41 pm
leguan
Joined: 29 May 2005
Posts: 126
Location: Austria
Dear Dance,
thank you so much! “Power imbalance” – that’s it! But I must stand up for my wife, she’s not bad and wants to control me against my will, it’s just that I am not really consequent in following my wishes. For my wife it’s just like in those dialogues where you must say “and I always thought you liked ...”. I should calm down and look at myself and my relationship less dramatized! There is too much worth living together with my dear one and hey, I am not the altruistic asshole I thought of yesterday.
I think my boat is seaworthy enough to stand all that rocking that might come!
Let's grow!
Thanks
Leg
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I was rattled! I told my wife, that I want to change and begin to “stand up for my rights” and because she cannot be made responsible for me always being so willingly outvoted, I told her not to take my wishes as a attack on our love. But WOW, she understood everything wrong and now we have real trouble in our paradise. 
I never mentioned to my wife that
