The Woman I love (part II what was, what is, what should...)
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chrissy
Joined: 16 Apr 2005
Posts: 157
Location: Montreal
The Woman I love (part II what was, what is, what should...)
Foreward:
This is my story. It is a story of love and how it forever changed my life, and the way I look at the world. In a way it opened my eyes to a life I never thought I could have. One of happiness (for the most part), fulfillment (boy did I ever need that), and true love.
1. About the Boys... Boys What Boy's?
After many failed relationships, with the last being the most confusing heartbreaking of all, I found Ann, or did she find me? You'll see.
Ann and I had become the best of friends really quickly. We would talk on the phone till my cell would die, then we would talk some more. No subject was taboo, and slowly but surely I knew I was falling into something that I could never get out of. She occupied my thoughts, my dreams, she was becoming the center of my universe. We spent all our time together, and we would joke... we would tease, however whereas she would joke about touching me, kissing me, I slowly but surely began to mean it.
So that is the recap, and in my last story, I left it at the point where both Ann and I have broken off our respective relationships. She broke off her's because her boyfriend was, well quite frankly, an asshole. I broke off mine because it wasn't fair for me to be with someone when my fellings were so strong for someone else. I figured that even if Ann didn't feel the same way, I would prefer to be with her as much as possible than be with anyone else. So that's what I did.
2. Being Seriously Attracted and Confused
When a girl crawls up onto you're lap and brings her face close to yours so that you can feel her breath upon the skin of your cheek, her hair caressing your face, what do you do? I had no idea. One night when we were supposed to be studying together that's what she did... as a joke. I just sat there without moving, and stared into her eyes. Usually when she would do things like that I would back down, and move away to prevent myself from doing something stupid, like moving that extra inch and kissing her. However, at the same time I was also very nervous. After all this was the first girl whom I openly admitted to myself that I cared for, and well what with my upbringing, and general conception of right and wrong, I thought that it was wrong to be with her. So I did nothing. She moved off my lap, and we resumed our studying.
3. The Famous Bus Stop
That night I was going home, and as usual Ann walked me to the bus stop. She had her dog with her, whom I fondly think of as a big black walking mop. We were talking and joking as usual, when as the bus was coming down the street, we said bye, and she moved forward to kiss me. I didn't know what to think, but at the last second I moved away. I wasn't about to let our first kiss be at some bus stop in the cold with her holding her dog in the other hand. Besides she was joking right?
-that's all I have time for right now, I'll get to the rest later. sorry this is taking a while, it's just i'm a little busy at the moment.
-chrissy _________________ copula - originating from the Latin noun for a "link or tie" that connects two different things...
Wed May 04, 2005 1:55 pm
Bobby Mcgee
Joined: 25 Apr 2005
Posts: 382
Location: The Buckle Of the Bible Belt
Please note that I am not being the culprit that is keeping her from writing...*whistles innocently* But I do believe my dear Chris, that you yourself have been guilty of some of the items for which you have pointed the finger at me. lol
Bobby
Thu May 05, 2005 4:58 pm
chrissy
Joined: 16 Apr 2005
Posts: 157
Location: Montreal
"Ha! Chicken, I knew you'd move!" Ann joked. But there was something strange about the way she said it. I just ignored it. After I got on the bus I didn't know what to think, I just kept feeling like this was really unfair. Did she actually just try to kiss me? I let it slide, and I felt so confused, and at the same time frightened. I did want her, I wanted to be with her, and be close to her, but at the same time I was scared out of my mind. But what if I was just making this all up in my head, what if she had just been joking?
Two days later we saw each other again at school, and I accompanied her to the metro after our class let out. On the bus Ann kept looking at me in this weird way. She had this little half smile on her face, and it was coupled with the kind of expression one makes when they just realize something. She was making me feel really uncomfortable, and so I asked her, "What?", she replied, "Nothing." Her voice had sounded a bit deeper than usual, and well at this point it hit me, she liked me. I was sure. Look at those love struck eyes, that sexy little smile... lets see how far this can go.
4. 2am Honesty
Whenever we would speak on the phone, there would come a time at 2 am where we would become brutally honest with one another. We didn't know why it worked out that way, but it did. We would usually get into a fight because of it, or one of us would feel very uncomfortable for one reason or another. This phone call happened after the bus ride.
*ring ring
Chrissy picks up the phone
Chrissy: "Hey"
Ann: "What's up?"
C: "Not much, how you doing?"
A: "Good good, you?"
C: "Same... So what is going on? I mean how come you were looking at me like that on the bus today?"
A: "I don't know, what do you mean?"
C: "You know what I'm talking about, what was with that smile?"
A: "I don't know, nothing..."
C: "Comon' there was something there, you can't tell me there wasn't."
A: "Well..."
C: "Yes, I'm listening."
A: "..."
C: "Look I'm not letting you off the phone till you tell me what today was about"
A: "... Well, ummm ..."
C: "I mean it Ann, comon' tell me, what's going on, what's wrong?"
A: "Nothing, nothing is wrong, believe me everything is ok, it's just..."
I have to mention here, before you die of bordom, that Ann can be evasive when she wants to be, and she kept trying to start different topics of conversation, and she really wasn't telling me a damn thing. Luckily for me, when it comes to her, and when it comes to what I wanted her to admit, my patience is infinit. Needless to say, it took till about 2am for her to finally get to the point.
A: "Ok ok, I'll tell you, and I'll understand if you don't want to talk to me, and if you don't want to be my friend..."
C: " Come on I'll always want to be your friend, so, please tell me."
A: " Well, you remember the bus stop?"
C: "Yes."
A: "Well if you hadn't moved, I probably would have, no I would have kissed you."
I was a little shocked, I had been expecting her to say it, but I wasn't prepared for it. I thought she had feelings for me, but I hadn't been a hundred percent sure, so here's what I said ( ) :
C: " I would have kissed you back"
A: " ... "
-well that' it for now, more coming later... bye ladies!
-chrissy
And McGee, I'm an angel! _________________ copula - originating from the Latin noun for a "link or tie" that connects two different things...
Thu May 05, 2005 6:21 pm
chrissy
Joined: 16 Apr 2005
Posts: 157
Location: Montreal
The Conclusion
Well after that things just went downhill. The next day at school, we still tried to meet up in the morning to play basketball together. When she saw me, I was across a long hall from her, and it being fairly early in the morning, she yelled out, "The last person I wanted to see!"
I suppose our conversation the other night had been a little traumatic for both of us, for me it was the first time that I had ever admitted that I wanted to do anything with another girl. For her, well let's just say she was shocked. I was really good at hiding my feelings, in fact when I told her that I would have kissed her back, she had been shocked. Ann had been expecting me to not say anything, to hang up the phone, and not want to be her friend. She was definetely not expecting the answer I gave. Like me, she was still in denial about her feelings'.
A few days passed after that, with both of us feeling uncomfortable. Enough time in fact for me to loose my courage, and shrink away from the whole kissing thing. I don't know why but this seemed to interest Ann more than anything, I mean who doesn't love a woman that plays hard to get? And boy was I ever playing that game. At one point she even resorted to trying to lock me up in a study room and kiss me. I just don't know why but I was so afraid, so scared of what I was going to do. I guess I knew it had to happen eventually, and if I held it off a little longer, well that didn't matter right?
Finally these games did reach a breaking point. It all started with, and I now laugh at how innocent this was, footsies in a library.
5. The Kiss
One night, we were studying in a library together, when she moved her foot next to mine. This was the first time we'd actually been close. I wasen't sure what to do, but I played back, and by the end of it, we had reached critical sock to sock action. By that I mean, our feet were close... Anyways... We ended up going out for a walk, and it was cold. We wandered around the campus, and at one point, tired of my games I guess, she said, "Ok, enough is enough." And she grabbed me, and tried to force me to kiss her. Needless to say this scared the crap out of me, and I actually ran away. She follwed, albeit a tad slower, and then she was frank with me and said, "Comon' enough is enough, I thought that you wanted to kiss me, what is your problem? If you don't want to, then tell me, and we'll go back and study, I don't have time for this!"
** Now please understand, I really did want to kiss her, but at the same time I really didn't. I was scared, I wanted her, I was so bloody confused I didn't know what I wanted. The one thing I was sure of, was this was the perfect opportunity for me to kiss another girl, and break that barrier. Finally see if I was really gay, or if I was just curious. I like to try everything at least once, so why not give it a go? Hold your breath... Jump...**
"I want to kiss you, I'm sorry, look I just wanted to get out jackets, because it's cold out. Please, just give me a little more time." I said, in a pleading, confused manner. "Ok let's go." She didn't talk to me, and when we went back outside, I took her by the hand and we walked a little more. We walked to the most shadowed portion of the campus, where I felt the most comfotable, and that's where we stopped. She said, "Well, let's do this, comon', I'm not going to stand here all night." I was still a little scared, and I didn't answer. In an angry voice she exclaimed, "Fine, I'm leaving!" and with that she turned to go. "Christina" I said to myself, "stop being such a cowardly idiot and kiss her!" As she was turning, I grabbed her by the hand, turned her around, and with one hand still holding her's, I placed the other behind her head and tilted it towards mine, and finally after all the running I kissed her. Once my thoughts cleared, about 5 minutes later I think, I said, "Damn" and continued on my merry exploration of her lips. The sky haden't fallen, the world didn't end, and my worst fears/desires had been confirmed. I was a lesbian. There were no doubts in my head, I had never felt this way when I had kissed a man. A funny thing, I remember thinking as we began to kiss, how good it felt to kiss someone who had no facial hair, no stubble. It was, contrary to the build up, contrary to what I had been expecting, the most gentle of kisses. Her lips were feather soft on mine, and I was lost, drowing, I couldn't get enough, and a year and five months later I still can't. Oh sure we have our problems, I think everyone does, if you don't well you're either one of the lucky few, or in denial. In any case that's the story, that's were I stop telling, and were my relationship, and discoveries began. I mean sure I could tell you about how beautiful and precious the female body is, and how it is a pleasure and a challenge to discover and map every part of Ann's, but hey, I don't, and won't kiss and tell ;)
END _________________ copula - originating from the Latin noun for a "link or tie" that connects two different things...
Thu May 12, 2005 11:13 pm
Hellz Angel
Joined: 14 May 2005
Posts: 19
Location: down below, cooling is a bitch for this comp
Well lookie here my American friend, y'all just comon up ta Canada and we'll fix ya up good, what with our free medicare and all!
Although, if not I could just take sexual favours as a form of perfectly acceptable payment. Those are always good, and plus if you play your cards right, you can get a pretty good workout too.
So what say you? Pay in sexual favours and get in shape, you definetely can't go wrong there. So anyways, now that that is settled, I believe you should remove that shirt there are these brea... err I mean bumps on your frontal area that need examining... _________________ Friedrich Nietzsche:
Battle not with monsters
lest ye become a monster
and if you gaze into the abyss
the abyss gazes into you.
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But I do believe my dear Chris, that you yourself have been guilty of some of the items for which you have pointed the finger at me. lol
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