Recently, I posted something to the "Dear So-and-So" board, just to get the thoughts off my chest. Well, then I realized that I would actually like some real anwears to the questions i post. And, in keeping with the rules of the "Dear So and So" board, i don't expect to get replies there.
So, I have coppied my entire "dear so-and-so" post, and i am pasting it hear.
Please read it and tell me what you think...like should i be offended, etc?
quote:Originally posted by storybellz:
Dear So-n-so,
I was just thinking---should i be offended by the fact that you never remember my last name---esp. considering that you had just referenced "Joanna So-n-so", and she's new here too, like me! So, why'd you remember her last name, and not mine? Heck, you even knew the last name of the foriegn guy who came into your office after me (Mr. Alberknocky, or something like that). Yet, you never remember mine!!
To make matters even worse, sometimes, when i go in to talk with you, you'll glance out the window every now-and-again, and you'll speak fondly of the students passing by---like they mean something to you---like you know them! Yet, you can't remember my last name! Why?!! To you, I'm just "A. Who?"!!
And, that hurts so much! B/c when you remember stuff about other people that you don't ever remember about me, it seems as though you like them more than me---or worse yet---that you just don't like me at all! And, yeah, that hurts! Why does it hurt, you wonder...why does it matter to me? Well, b/c i love you, darn it (a whole lot more than does Joanna or others you so thoughtfully remember---i'm sure!)!! And, i just wish you'd love me too!!
That's why i wonder...should i be offended? Or, is this little habit of yours just some odd indicator of your closeness to me, that you only need know me on a first-name basis---that you have no need for the (last name) formality?!
I wish i knew! = (
I just wish i knew!
Tue Nov 17, 2009 3:45 am
pharos
Joined: 21 Jun 2009
Posts: 583
Location: Australia
I guess it depends on how close a friend this person is to you.
Personally, I wouldn't be offended because I have the tendency to forget things about other people too. But my friends know how absent minded I can be, so they are never offended. They just roll their eyes and say: "Oh, yeah, that would be you, wouldn't it?"
But if it really annoys you, you could talk it out with this person. Tell them how you feel and see what they say.
hugs
Pharos
Tue Nov 17, 2009 7:02 am
Moonshine
Joined: 16 Jan 2008
Posts: 470
Maybe she needs a two-word label for others but only a one-word label for you. I'd look on the bright side, it will put you in a better mood. And if you think about it, she's far more likely to be attracted to a warm smile than an annoyed frown.
Moonie xx _________________
For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return. --Leonardo da Vinci--
Tue Nov 17, 2009 7:42 am
storybellz
Joined: 15 Dec 2006
Posts: 241
Location: U.S.A
She's the Dean of Students...
I just thought i should mention that. So, it's not like we have a chance to really be close friends right now---my being a student and all, but like i told her---i won't be a student forever (i'd be nice to know i at least have a chance at a future friendship with her)!
And, besides, I have a major crush on her. Although, the wierd part is, i'm not quite sure what kind of crush. I mean, she's an older woman in her 50s, and it's not like when i look at her, i think of a romp in the hay! In other words, i think she's very attractive, but not in a way that i would undress her with my eyes---not in a lusty way.
But, at the same time, i do want to be seen as cute by her, and i dream of being cuddled-up to her. I feel comfortable enough around her to where i want to let down my defenses---i want to cry just so that she'll dry my tears, that kind of thing. I guess you could say i kinda want to be her baby, but at the same time, i can't think of anyone else i'd rather spend each day with either. In this case, it's not about sexual fanticies, it's about day-to-day pleasant life-fanticies. I dream of dancing with her, on a whim, in a silly, excitable way, to some silly excitable music, just like we had done once before, during a school party!
She's just really got a hold on me! I don't really want her on a physical level, but there's something about her that i just can't quite put my finger on, which makes me just plain want her! Period! So...whatever. I don't know what all this means, but i know it's awful tough to deal with alone---though she might havve some slight idea (i hope!), i doubt if she's even close to knowing how deeply her every action and word effects me!
OK, now that that's out off the way, i guess now you know why i wondered if i should be offended!
Thanks for the replies so far, ladies! And, if ya have anymore to add, feel free to keep'em come'n!
Tue Nov 17, 2009 8:53 am
tia_lvr
Joined: 03 Aug 2007
Posts: 61
Location: outta my mind...
i think ur just really infatuated by her and so u always want her to be around. Its okay u shunt get offended there are so many people that she interact with every single day so you cant expect her to remember everyone now. _________________ Saurus
Love is not about finding the perfect person but about finding the imperfect person perfect...
Sat Dec 19, 2009 6:10 am
lilbug
Joined: 28 Jan 2007
Posts: 263
Location: ireland
i wouldnt be offended to be honest, deans meet and talk to so many people everyday. i know what you mean by having a hold on you, i had a major crush on a teacher, everyone loved her. id sit on the window sil outside the classroom until she came down....so she would always remember me.
maybe you could do something for her or just talk to her...ask her something....then she wont forget.
give it time.
Sat Dec 19, 2009 2:05 pm
storybellz
Joined: 15 Dec 2006
Posts: 241
Location: U.S.A
My talks w/ the dean/What she said and what i said:
quote:Originally posted by lilbug:
i wouldnt be offended to be honest, deans meet and talk to so many people everyday. i know what you mean by having a hold on you, i had a major crush on a teacher, everyone loved her. id sit on the window sil outside the classroom until she came down....so she would always remember me.
maybe you could do something for her or just talk to her...ask her something....then she wont forget.
give it time.
Hi lilbug,
Nice to read that we may be kindred spirits in the sense that we're both on the same page, as far as wanting to be remembered by our crushes, and what to do about it.
As for your suggestions about maybe doing something for her or just talking to her, i have done both. And the results were...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT:
Like i have mentioned in previous posts, I feel like i always need an excuse to see her, or else i fear that my visits may be thought of as a nu-sense. So, as fate would have it, I have had much trouble with my soon-to-be-ex-roommate over the course of the semester. And thus, have had plenty of reason to drop by and see her, as the handling of those sorts of problems are part of her job. So, yes, i have been by often, esp. toward the end of this past semester. In-fact, just recently, as we were discussing the upcoming changes to my living situation, i had a question (unrelated to my reason for the visit) for her, but was afraid to ask. So, it went like this:
dean: (after having just reg. chit-chat w/ me): OK. Now for the turkey---i want to talk to you about your housing situation.
me: "Uh oh."
dean: "No uh oh, it's nothing bad! In-fact, i think you'll like what we've worked out. You can have the apartment of the student that's leaving, b/c your roommate wants to stay where she is. But, that's ok.B/c, this other apartment you'll be moving into is carpeted, and it's extra nice, cause the other student's parents made sure of it. I think you'll like it.
So, have you thought at all about who else you would like to have for a roommate?"
me: "Well...i don't know...after this bad experience, I've decided maybe i'm just not fit to live with"
dean: "you can't let this one bad experience effect your view of yourself like that! Believe me, there are many others on campus in your situation. Some people are just mis-matched."
me: "But, even my family gets annoyed with me too!"
dean: (smiling) "That's why they sent you away to college, huh?"
me: "I wouldn't be surprised!"
dean: Seriously though, there must be someone on campus you feel close to..."
me: "No. I have a good instinct about who has friend potential and who doesn't. And, so far, I've only met maybe a couple people who do (not to mention the dean herself!)."
dean: "Who are those couple of people?"
me: (having to bit my tongue not to mention the dean, at that point!) "Well, this girl named Meaghan is one of them. But, i don't even feel that close to her."
dean: "I should say not. You've only known each-other for a few months. Closeness takes time."
me: "Not always..."
dean: "Oh, really. You've had experiences that suggest otherwise?"
me: "Yeah. There are some people (very few!) whom I've met, whom I've felt close to immediately! Then, there are others whom I've met, whom i felt wrong around, from the start. But, i would often give those people a chance in my life anyway, only to end-up getting hurt."
dean: "Hmmm....that's good that you have that ability to detect positive people in your life; not everyone does. Maybe you should listen to your instinct more often then."
me: "I try. That's what i mean when i say that i haven't met anyone with real friend potential yet (aside from the dean herself), b/c i really haven't."
dean: "Alright. How would you like to have the apartment to yourself?"
me: "I would. But, wouldn't that cost extra?"
dean: "No. We can just lock the other room, where a roommate would be. And then, you shouldn't have to pay anymore than you're paying now. Anyway, we'll try to work something out."
me: "Thank you so much! That would be great!"
dean: "You're welcome, sweetie. Just come by and see me once more before you leave for break, so that i can confirm it with you."
me: "ok, i will."
dean: "See ya lata alagata"
me: (smiling) "Bye."
THE FOLLOW-UP VISIT:
OK. I went by for a follow-up visit, as we had discussed. And, that's when she told me that everything was set for me to move into the other place, and when to start moving. And, for some reason, the situation had me feeling all emotional. I think the idea that i had to literally pack my bags and leave, like some bad guy, just because my roommate is a territorial snob gave me a very lowly feeling. So, here's what happened:
me: "I'm very happy that we're working this out. But (fighting tears) i just hate that it had to happen this way!"
dean: (handing me her box of tissue) "Me too. Frankly, i'm dissappointed. It's not like we paired you two thinking hahahaha!! It will never work! Hahahaha!!!"
me: "I'm just very confused. You tell me to stop thinking of myself negatively. Well, how can i help it, after this? I mean, i went into this, putting my best foot forward, and still, she doesn't like me!"
dean: "You can be sweet as pie, and some people still aren't going to like you. No matter how you behave, you can't control or predict how another person is going to feel about it. You're a smart woman, you know this already.
And, besides there are 2 sides to this story. I spoke to your roommate earlier. And, this has been hard on her too. She says you've said hurtful things to her, you say she says hurtful things to you. You're both not happy, so it's over."
[of course, i never said any hurtful things to my roommate. I think she just whined to the dean about me, b/c she wanted te apartment to herself]
me: (trying to defend myself against my roommates nags) "Well, she throw parties, w/o ever inviting me, and she said..."
dean: (waving her arms) "I don't want to hear it! I'm not interested in who said what. You two just need to be separated, so that you'll both be happy."
[of course, my sense of justice was still not satisfied. But, i let the issue go.]
me: "I hope this situation hasn't given you a negative image of me."
dean: "I don't even have an image of you yet. I'm just getting to know you. But, no. It hasn't made me think negatively of you."
[needless to say, i hated when she said that she doesn't have an image of me yet. It made me feel worthless, cause it made me feel like i meant nothing to her, which was my worst fear! So, i couldn't hold back any longer. I had to ask the question i'd been itching to ask, ever since supposedly being ignored by her at lunchtimes...]
me: "I have a question to ask you. It's not about my housing situation, but i've been meaning to ask it for a while now. I just haven't, cause i've been afraid you'd get mad at me."
dean: "Have i ever been mad at you?"
me: "I don't know."
dean: "I don't think so."
me: "OK. here goes...do you try to avoid me in the cafeteria?"
dean: (a puzzled, surprised, and a bit annoyed look on her face) "No. I just stay really busy...."
me: "Well, i've seen you walk in there like 5 times. It seemed like you could see me too..."
dean: "You spend way too much time trying to notice me! Anyway, when i go in there, i have a lot on my mind, like whether or not you guys have proper heating n your rooms, whether or not things are being run smoothly, my lines in the upcoming play, etc. So, 94.5% of the time, i am not thinking of avoiding you! Why do you think that anyway, cause i don't sit with you?"
me: "That. Or, even just say hello."
dean: "Oh, well if i would have noticed you, i would have definetely said hello!
Now, see, that wasn't so bad. And, i didn't get mad at you. But, you've been mad at me a time or two."
me: "No, i haven't!"
dean: "Yes, you have! You got mad at me like two months ago, when i said we weren't gonna be best buddies (sarcastic smile on her face)."
me: "Well, it's not like i'm gonna jump for joy when someone i like tells me she won't be my friend."
dean: "No. But, i mean, i can tell when you're mad, even though you have this big smile on your face..."
me: "It's just not fair! I just don't see why we can't be friends!"
dean: "We've been over this before..."
me: "I know, b/c you're the dean of students, blah blah blah. But, what about after I graduate?"
dean: "I don't know, that's a long time from now, i don't know where i'll be at that point in my life, and i don't like to make promises i can't keep. And besides, I usually don't keep in-touch with students after they graduate, except maybe by email sometimes."
me: "OK. What about if i sent you an invitation to my birthday party or something, would you come?"
dean: "If i'm in the area. But, you're asking me to make commitments to you that I just don't feel like making right now. And besides all that, you're like my kids' age! I just can't see myself being intimate emotionally, with someone who's the age of my kids! When I say intimate, i mean like sharing my deepest desires and dreams and thoughts with you, that's what i mean by "intimate"."
me: "Well, i'm a lot more mature than i might seem right now."
dean: "But, i have my rights too, ya know. I have the right to reject that kind of friendship. It's something i have no desire for. I want friends my own age. I'm the oldest gal on this whole floor! And, sometimes i really get lonely for folks my own age. It's not that i don't like people your age, i do. That's why i'm the dean of students. B/c i want to make sure you guys are taken care of as well as possible while you're here. While that doesn't mean i'll roll over and do whatever you want, i do want to make your time here happy. But, i don't want to be y'alls buddy.
Maybe you're different. Maybe you'll be friends with a 20 year-old when you're like 50, 60, or 70. I'm sorry that what i'm saying is making you pissed. But, i just can't see myself doing that."
me: "It's not so much about age for me. There's just certain people i feel more comfortable around."
dean: "Right. But, i'll bet you've been around more older people in your life..."
me: "No. Not really. Besides, a lot of older people are snobs too."
dean: "Boy, that's for sure!"
me: "So, it's not that i like "older people"."
dean: "Well, thank you for liking me. (starts laughing a little for some reason) I don't mind talking to you like this...i just can't be "friends" w/ a student."
me: "OK."
[It was then closing time. So, we both had to leave the office. So, we walked out together. And, as we walked out, i asked the following...]
me: "There's one other thing i never finished asking you...about not sitting with me at lunch, why don't you?"
dean: "Well, like i said, most of the time, i don't even notice you're there. And, also, sometimes, i just like to sit alone. But, if you'd like to have a lunch-date once-in-a-while, just come bye and let me know."
me: "Alright."
dean: (walking out the door, heading for her car) "See ya later."
me: "Bye."
[the only thing is, i'm not sure if i would ever get up the nerve to ask her to lunch. B/c i would have the fear that she would only accept not to hurt my feelings, and not b/c she really wants to. Which is why I watch intently for when she walks into the cafeteria, b/c i want so badly for her to want to and choose to sit w/ me, on her own.]
BECAUSE SHE MADE ME MAD!:
Just before the very last day of the semester, i went by her office again. This time, to give her a poem i had written that very morning, in regard to age. The poem made the point of how age is not an accurate point of measure. And, that i am as mature as many older people, regardless. And, i dedicated it to her, for making me so mad! She thought the dedication part was funny, and she seemed to like the poem:
me: "It's b/c you know how i've been mad at you lately."
dean: "Yeah, i know."
me: "Well, anyway, i'm not exactly mad a t you right now."
dean: "It's OK if you are, besides, i think it's funny---not the poem, i mean the dedication. It's the first time ever that someone has said that about me---for making them mad (smiles). Thanks. I'm glad i could be your muse---although it sounds funny to thank someone for being mad at me."
me: "It is funny, isn't it."
dean: "Yeah. But, maybe i should make you mad more often, sinse you write like this!"
me: "And, i got you back!"
dean: "Yeah. You did."
[we both smile, as we walk out again. And, i asked her about her part in the play---yes, our dean is also a bit of an actress on campus! I asked her if she had an accent for the part, and she then answered me in an accent! So, that was funny! I then told her that I would probably go see the play. She was happy about that.]
THE NEXT DAY:
all the students were due to evacuate campus that day, for break. We had to un-plug everything too. But, on campus, i have to use an electric wheelchair to get around, due to my CP. So, i had to go bye her office one last time before break, to ask if i could keep it plugged in. She sees me, as i approach her office door...
dean: "Hey baby! Hey, come on in!"
[I notice she's sounding a little more affectionate toward me than usual. Either she was excited about getting a break, and she knew she wouldn't see me for a while, or the meaning of my poem had finally hit her, or something. Either way, i liked hearing the affection in her voice and words.
As i near her door, the assistant dean steals her attention, to remind her that she's expected to be somewhere else on campus. She then says "I'll be there in 10min."...)
dean: (again) "Hey baby!"
me: "Hey. I'm not gonna keep you long, i just need to ask if i can keep my wheelchair plugged in?"
dean: "Of course. That's an exception to the rule, b/c it's a life necessity. Don't worry about it sweetie."
me: (smiling) "Thanks."
dean: "So, have you decided for sure whether you're coming to the play or not?"
me: "It depends on the situation at home. So, i really don't know."
dean: "Well, just in-case you don't, (reaches out and hugs me) this is for until next semester."
me: "I'm gonna miss you."
dean: "Don't miss me too much, cause you'll be back."
[starting for the door, to head to that other meeting, she suddenly stops.]
dean: "Silly me! I'm just walking out on you! Is there anything else you needed to ask me?"
me: "No. That's about it. So, i better be headed to my room to finish packing now."
dean: "Alright sweetie. I've gotta run. See you next semester."
STILL SMITTEN!:
after that, i did see her in the play. And, for someone who is not primarily an actress, she was great! And, I'm her biggest fan! <3
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So, what do you ladies think? Even though I haven't come right out and said it in the exact words, do you all think that she knows i love her, i mean really love her? And, do you ladies think that it is possible that she loves me in some way, or that she will? I just really want her to love me! My heart is swollen with that wish!
P.S.
I know this is a very long post. But, I hope you ladies enjoy it, at least a little. And, if you've read this far, thanks in advance!
Last edited by storybellz on Tue Jan 05, 2010 7:25 am; edited 5 times in total
Mon Jan 04, 2010 11:15 am
WonderWhy
Joined: 25 Jun 2009
Posts: 244
Hi Storybellz,
I did enjoy reading that, thanks. Well written. Sounds like she does like you, but if she was so adamant about not being friends with students I wouldn't be expecting her to change her mind in a hurry. But, yeah, it's hard being totally in love with someone you can't have. Problem is you can't make someone love you, much as you might want to. And just cos they don't doesn't mean anything negative about you, it's just the crazy game that it is.
Good to see you posting again. Haven't seen you around lately much....maybe one day you'll change your mind and come into chat...doesn't matter if you don't say much, there are plenty of people who don't! And then there are others like me who make up for it anyway by talking too much hehe...
Mon Jan 04, 2010 11:52 am
storybellz
Joined: 15 Dec 2006
Posts: 241
Location: U.S.A
quote:Originally posted by WonderWhy:
Hi Storybellz,
I did enjoy reading that, thanks. Well written. Sounds like she does like you, but if she was so adamant about not being friends with students I wouldn't be expecting her to change her mind in a hurry. But, yeah, it's hard being totally in love with someone you can't have. Problem is you can't make someone love you, much as you might want to. And just cos they don't doesn't mean anything negative about you, it's just the crazy game that it is.
Good to see you posting again. Haven't seen you around lately much....maybe one day you'll change your mind and come into chat...doesn't matter if you don't say much, there are plenty of people who don't! And then there are others like me who make up for it anyway by talking too much hehe...
Hi WonderWhy,
Thanks for reading my huge post, that means a lot to me! It's like sitting across the table from a good listener, who's there right when you need them most. That's why i love posting here, it's so theraputic, and sometimes even results in something worth a second look
I was actually thinking of deleting this whole thread, as I've been told by some relatives who read it that i may have gotten too personal, and that I risk being found-out by classmates, etc. and/or the dean herself, and made fun of. And, while I am afraid of that possibility, I don't think I posted anything to be ashamed of. And, being that all of it actually took place, and it wasn't a secret then, I can't be accused of putting words in anyone's mouth. So, on second thought, I think I'll leave it (this thread) be, until or unless such a time that I change my mind.
And, if someone ever reads this, and feels an affinity and sense of warmth resonating from it, then it's definitely nothing to be ashamed of.
So, thanks again for reading!
P.S.
Who knows, i may decide to pop into chat sometime or another. Ya never know about the future:wink:
Tue Jan 05, 2010 7:14 am
storybellz
Joined: 15 Dec 2006
Posts: 241
Location: U.S.A
The Dean asked me if i have a crush on her!!
Hi everyone!
Just thought i'd let you all know that a few weeks ago, the dean looked me straight in the eyes and asked me flat-out "Are you crushed out on me?!" And, after a few minutes of crying and not knowing what to say, i said "I think i do have a crush on you." And she said "I think you do too."
Well, what lead up to that moment and what's happened since is a rather long story, which i may or may not post later. But, the bottom line is I'm glad she guessed. That way, i can't be blamed for letting the cat out of the bag, and she can't hate me for telling the truth. And, the idea that she has some inkling of my love for her is very liberating! And, hopefully, this means less misunderstandings between us in the near future.
And, most importantly, no matter what happens between us from here on out, i refuse to be ashamed of my love! In fact, i'm proud of it! She didn't take me seriously when i said the following, calling it a "B%llsh!t answer" (it's a long story...), but the fact is, "i think i have good taste in people", and there's nothing wrong with that!
(Yeah, as you can tell, she kinda has the wrong idea. But, i have faith that she'll see things my way eventually)
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