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tia_lvr
Joined: 03 Aug 2007
Posts: 61
Location: outta my mind... |
The first girl I actually fell for is leaving me...
So my first semester of college just ended. And during that semester I met one majorly hot chick whom I totally fell head over heels for. When I first met her I initially thot to stay away from her bc she looked to be the bitchy type girly girl who are always hard to put up with but I cudnt deny the fact that she was a very gorgeous woman. She lived on campus and I lived off_she lived in a suite with 8 other chicks and one of the chicks was my friend from high school so I slept over a lot of times. Anyways I always slept in the living room and since she wasnt use to her surroundings she prefered to stay up and talk on the phone with her friends back home. And we'd watch late night tv together and make small chit-chat but that was all it was. Then the late night chit chatter became a routine and there were rumors that she was bi and my friend wanted to so-called protect me from being turned out, when clearly I'm so gay, so she gave me a pep talk ab how the girl was crushing on me so I shud stay away. I didnt really care I liked the conversations we had and even if she liked me it wudnt be a problem but I told her wat my friend said and she denied liking me but later on she told me she did and I told her I didnt kno how I felt ab her bc i had never been in a relationship b4 and i didnt kno the feeling of liking someone on that level so we remained friends. we'd flirt often and one night I decided to give her a goodnight hug but i rubbed agaist her leg and we had a whole 3 hr session of touching and me kissing her neck. we'd flirt more and more and one night I was teasing so I put my hand in her pants and touched her panties and one thing led to another and I fingered her that night(I had no idea wat i was doing). I was invited to a party and i brot her wit me I drank a lot... (of soda) that nite and became loud and obnoxious so she cut me off. But i was all over her and she kept dancing on me and we went to my place and I didnt kno wat i was doing but for the first time in my life i had sex and it was awesome. She told me tht "for a virgin i sure as hell knew wat i was doing_almost like i was a pro"_i just said i read and watch a lot of L word lol.
Anyways I had one hit of her and now I'm so addicted but things got complicated. Her ex came back into her life and she was never completely over her so she got back together with her and i was left to be the best friend. We did good occasionally i got jealous bc her gf who lived ab 2hrs away didnt like that i was always around so whenever i was around she wouldnt talk to my friend so whenever her gf calls she'd make me be quiet and act like i wasnt there. You can imagine how i felt ab that but i put up with it bc i so into her and she knows bc i tell her all teh time and we have deep convos all the time_i feel teh connection but then two days ago as the semester is coming to an end she tells me that shes dropping out and no matter how much i begged for her to reconsider she said she has made up her mind.
I'm not one to show my emotion but everytime we hung out i would get tears in my eyes and start bawling and the fact that I didnt mind that she saw me crying made me feel even more of a connection with her but now she says she's leaving. I've cried my eyes out to just ab everyone and now that im on break i think ab her often and how im not gonna see her when i go back to school.And it saddens and anger me. And Im totally confused.
Do I even have a right to be angry??? I mean its her life_her decisions. She says that all she wants is to be happy and doing this will make her happy. Shouldn't I want her to be happy? Please help me to kno how I should feel about this!!! I'm sorry for being so long-winded but I am so hurt by this and needed to vent and find some help and support, thank you.
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Saurus
Love is not about finding the perfect person but about finding the imperfect person perfect...
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Sat Dec 19, 2009 5:36 am |
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lilbug
Joined: 28 Jan 2007
Posts: 263
Location: ireland |
((((((((((((((((((tia)))))))))))))))))
Im sorry to hear that she hurt you so bad i know what that feels like. Seems to me that she still has that connection with her ex, which happens.
Its hard to let go when so much emotion is involved but you would be doing yourself a favour to let her go. In a way you have a right to be angry i think because it deosnt seem like there was a build up to what happened. the ex came back and then it was over.
its a shame she didnt talk to you about it but reading your post im not really that surprised. she seems to be very hot and cold. it is her choice to be with who ever she wants to be..like you said its her life ect.
what i would sugest is to stay away from her and her new gf because it will make you feel much worse. if im trying to get over someone i try and find someone else to be with. someone who will stick around and treat you better.
I know its rough because its your first time to fall for someone, its confusing and it hurts like hell....but hon you will get over this. you will find someone that will help you make all this hurt will go away.
This hurt wont last...just hang in there and give yourself time to get over her before you see her agian, if you still want to be friends with her. wish her well and move on hon.
hope this helps
sue
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Sat Dec 19, 2009 1:56 pm |
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tia_lvr
Joined: 03 Aug 2007
Posts: 61
Location: outta my mind... |
thanks Sue
I kno things will get better but I care ab her alot and from the moment we became friend i'd go out of my way to make sure she was comfty. if i decided to go to my apt. and she called me sayin she missed me i'd make the 2miles trek bac to campus no matter wat time it was so we cud hang out,id buy her things. she got really close to me in the short few mnths we knew each other than any1 else has gotten in yrs. im jus gonna miss her alot and i really dnt want her to leaving school for the wrong reason.
_________________
Saurus
Love is not about finding the perfect person but about finding the imperfect person perfect...
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Sat Dec 19, 2009 8:07 pm |
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lilbug
Joined: 28 Jan 2007
Posts: 263
Location: ireland |
i used to do that alot, always put the other person first...ALWAYS. it was such a huge priority to me that the person i was with had everything they needed and made sure they had me there no matter what i was doing. i would drop everything and run towards her.
this had a very bad effect on my selfesteem because i never thought about my own needs. it was totally one sided and it made the break up so much worse....it was like none of what i did for this person mattered.
you should be thinking about yourself now. i think you should just give yourself a bit of time to let the rawness of it ease down. let her get back to you if she needs you. otherwise dont worry about what she deos, let her make her own choices.
just remember its not all about her. when your ready you can get back up on your feet and this will all make you a lot stronger.
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Sat Dec 19, 2009 10:27 pm |
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tia_lvr
Joined: 03 Aug 2007
Posts: 61
Location: outta my mind... |
thanks Sue
that make sense since she has chosen2leave regardless of how much she knows this is hurting me and how its affecting me. im really tryin2let her go but i do want to at least be friends so im still going2remain civil with her. Is it wrong4me to want her to one day regret letting me go bc i think we cud hav been perfect together!
_________________
Saurus
Love is not about finding the perfect person but about finding the imperfect person perfect...
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Sun Dec 20, 2009 2:11 am |
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lilbug
Joined: 28 Jan 2007
Posts: 263
Location: ireland |
well tia i did the very same....all i wanted was to be around her. if you can be friends with her without getting your heart teared out at the same time then knock yourself out. but hon i just think you should take some time. i do think it would be a good idea to be friends with her but only if she will respect that friendship.
the last thing you want is the fact that she is with someone else rubbed into your face. if you are hanging around with her so will her gf. and thats going to be tough on you. you dont want salt poured onto the wound.
have a think about it before going in...give it some time. and remember she is with her ex now...she is on a differnent planet so she may not recognise how hurt you are...tho i think that would be fairly pathetic for a friend...but it happens sometimes.
if she went back to her ex then i dont think it was meant to be. if you can keep that friendship that would be awsome but make sure its a good one...make sure there is respect from you AND from her. she is in love land at the moment so you should prob give her some time to get over the honey moon period.
above all....respect yourself
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Sun Dec 20, 2009 9:47 am |
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tia_lvr
Joined: 03 Aug 2007
Posts: 61
Location: outta my mind... |
Wow that is probably the best advice any1 has ever given me thanks so much Sue. I will make sure it is a good friendship or else do everything in my power to stay away. Your advice is much apprieciated and I wish I can return the favor one day 
_________________
Saurus
Love is not about finding the perfect person but about finding the imperfect person perfect...
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Sun Dec 20, 2009 4:22 pm |
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lilbug
Joined: 28 Jan 2007
Posts: 263
Location: ireland |
you are very welcome hon hope it all works out and gets easier for you
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Tue Dec 22, 2009 8:30 pm |
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tia_lvr
Joined: 03 Aug 2007
Posts: 61
Location: outta my mind... |
you i feel like she's ruined me for anyone else tho bc i only want her and no one will ever do.
_________________
Saurus
Love is not about finding the perfect person but about finding the imperfect person perfect...
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Wed Jan 06, 2010 5:20 am |
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