unlurking~looking for some advice-long post sorry!
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genericbrand
Joined: 24 Feb 2005
Posts: 1
unlurking~looking for some advice-long post sorry!
hello everyone,
i've been lurking now for a little while and decided to muster the courage to introduce myself and ask for advice. hope you don't mind and thank you very much for taking the time to read this post. i'm going to apologize in advance that i tend to be long winded.
firstly i'll introduce myself. i'm 25 yr old, asian american girl (i refer to myself as a girl because i don't think i'll ever be seen as a full fledged woman). i was adopted at a very young age and i struggle a bit with racial identity and with gender. sometimes i dress girly, and othertimes i'm so uncomfortable being female, i crossdress and get mistaken for being male.
i have never been sexually attracted to anyone. i'm a virgin and i have never masterbated or desired to experiment. i've had boyfriends but never wanted to be intimate and often pushed them away. i know for certain now that i'm not interested at all in men. i'm attracted to females for long term friendships and lately i have been thinking i would like to find a special female friend i could be affectionate with. i haven't told anyone about my feelings yet except for my very best friend. everyone else i'm too embaressed with asking for advice, because i think they can't understand my feelings.
i participate on an asexuality forum, but i'm not sure i identify with being asexual. i really want to be affectionate with a woman, and i have been thinking maybe if i felt comfortable enough, i might be able to "feel" something more. i don't know, since i'm such a closed up person. i do feel like something is missing from my life though, and i feel like i need to give something a try.
i'm going to be moving into a new area soon, and i'm not sure how to go about meeting new people. i'm a sensitive non-smoker, i don't like loud music, and i don't drink. i look young so i tend to attract the wrong type/age of people. and i'm not sure if it is fair to meet a great woman, and possibly "lead"? her on when i'm not sure what exactly i'm looking for. i would like to find a down to earth woman i can cook dinner for, and snuggle up to with a good movie and laugh over a cup of coffee. without having a boyfriend take her away. is that too selfish?
i feel like i'm stuck in a child's body when it comes to lack of sexuality and need for affection. aagh, sorry again for the long post. any advice is greatly appreciated since i have been struggling with this for a long time now by myself to no avail. i decided to post here because everyone in this community seems lovely. thanks again for tolerating me.
Fri Apr 22, 2005 2:39 am
Eilidh Moderators
Joined: 09 Apr 2005
Posts: 1880
Re: unlurking~looking for some advice-long post sorry!
Hi genericbrand,
I'm glad to see you delurk. You mentioned you participate on an asexuality forum. Is that AVEN, by chance? If not, you might like to check it out at www.asexuality.org. The people there and the people at melswebs are equally friendly and welcoming. I understand (and I perhaps can infer from your post that you understand as well) how it feels to move between sexual identities, without having one fit just right.
quote:Originally posted by genericbrand:
i would like to find a down to earth woman i can cook dinner for, and snuggle up to with a good movie and laugh over a cup of coffee. without having a boyfriend take her away. is that too selfish?
That's not at all selfish. If that were selfish, no relationship could possibly exist, for what are relationships built on, if not mutual companionship?
quote:Originally posted by genericbrand:
i feel like i'm stuck in a child's body when it comes to lack of sexuality and need for affection.
This perfectly describes asexuality. It's not that asexual people are childish, but rather that this is what society dictates. Sex is supposed to be a measuring stick for maturity, and often it is, but not always.
quote:Originally posted by genericbrand:
any advice is greatly appreciated since i have been struggling with this for a long time now by myself to no avail. i decided to post here because everyone in this community seems lovely. thanks again for tolerating me.
I'm not sure that I have given much "advice" here, but I can say that it is often good to search out new experiences and new opinions, as long as in the end, you feel comfortable with who you are and who you have become.
Don't worry about the long post. I'd be glad to talk further, especially since we seem to be in similar situations.
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