Where else can you go and complain about so much n get so much love back to where there is always someone listening n willing to help with some kind words. No other place like Mels...
Oh where to start. So much has been happening. I guess right now its getting use to the single life. Amazing I never thought I be at that point to where I am going solo. Its been a good deal so far. Just getting life back together. Its kinda hard to know that someone is not there like you wanted them to be. Somewhere I understood that I can be alone n here I am. Its heartbreaking to walk life alone after so many years that you never thought you have to face. As many know I was married for about 9 years. It all ended in May 2009. As we only got a hold of one another once or twice to discuss what goes where and what needs to be dealt with. Its been just a short 6 months. I spent my time at home with my family. Healing some wounds yet it seems it hit me more as I move away to start a new. I am an good spirits yet jus too soon to be doing so much. Plans I always have no matter what. Life is still going and I came back to where I know I have been missed. Maybe just a little different yet here.
Second...Helping out a fren in which turn into something. The constant of you dont do this or that to my face. I got the help from her to make me know life goes on. I thank her for that. Somewhere the blaming came and gone and always came back. I stood up and told her to leave dropping her off with her mom. Amazing her mom loves me and not even knowing me or even saying a single hello. I just laugh cause I dont get that yet I am like yeah. Not knowing what the real story I was told she got hosiptalized. I should have known better to let her be. But I didnt. Not knowing the entire story I did all I could yet with caution. Still not knowing what all went down I walk away and said no more. I got blame of not being there, from phone calls, texts n not being there in person. Yeah it was something I did, No doubt I wasnt all into being there. Yet with my words n prayers I did what I thought I could. In here again I got so much blame, not even the understanding on where I stand with her. Constant of tellin her I dont want to be with you in a realationship. So two days ago I finally said no more. Stayed up till 3 am making her understand that I am done n dont need the hurting, blaming of anything. Just makes me think why she couldnt try to understand me. I know I walk away yet it was for the same reason. The things I was told. At the end of it I said I dont need the verbal abuse n emotional abuse from her. Indeed we plan a life together yet now I know my heart is not all heal so I said no more...
Third...I feel so lost not know what to do. I know I stop drinking 2 yrs plus now. Yes yes thanks you. Just being away and starting a new I want go out n explore yet with no drinking n so forth. Always a temptation yet I am saying no. This is where the ministry comes in. I did a lot in the summer. I think I lost the touch to go get the help, where I know its there. I am just wondering why its getting harder? Just got to turn back to where I got the help knowing its going to be tuff, maybe I am looking for an easier way to go? I know the answer to that n where to go. Just another test it seems.. lol but I know what to do. Yet I know life is not meant to be sweet. Who knows I sit here thinking yappin at who will listen, knowing someone understands. I said I am doing this alone, the troubles n sorrows i have, yet deep down no way am I going to get thru it alone.
So here I am complaining to who so ever reads this. My heartaches yet its healing. I said what I wanted n knowing I got a huge weight lifted off my chest. Only better days are to come yet knowing there be some sad ones. Somedays I get those sad days n smile cause what more can I do. I am a strong person yet we all need some boost. Never knowing how long the days n nites are going to last for us all. I thank you all once more and always god bless...
Az
_________________ *Dont Let Ur Heart Be Troubled*
Sun Nov 01, 2009 9:05 am
melons Site Admin
Joined: 06 Feb 2004
Posts: 2371
Re: Hide Me, Rock Of Ages
(((((((((((((AZ)))))))))))))
Dear Az, I'm here.... listening and understanding all you've said.
I'm so glad you're getting 'life back together' after so many ups and downs and so much happening... it must have been so hard for you this many months.....but you are a strong woman AZ and you're coming through it all. I love it that you recognise your own strength....it shows your strength of character and will help you ride the bad times always. It's ok to sometimes feel lost or not know where to turn, too.... I'm glad you felt able to turn to the women on Mels to gain some support to help you.
You should be so proud of YOU, AZ, proud for not giving in to the temptation of drinking and each time you feel tempted just think of the pride you feel right now....and the temptation will hopefully pass *smiling. I know I'm proud of you.....Way to go AZ! You're an inspiration to many!
I may not be able to offer you the right words or advice you need, but I can listen and give you a massive Mels hug (((((((((((((((((((((AZ)))))))))))))))))))
luv'n'hugs,
Mel xx
Sun Nov 01, 2009 8:19 pm
Guest
Thoughts with you, Az... "J"
Sun Nov 01, 2009 8:47 pm
Eilidh Moderators
Joined: 09 Apr 2005
Posts: 1880
(((((((((Az))))))))))),
I had a similar reaction as Mel did: what you've shared here shows part of your struggle, but it also shows that you know how strong you are. Remember that strength, remember that determination. Never lose sight of your goals.
And when you want some people to listen, you know where to come
Hugs,
Eilidh
Sun Nov 01, 2009 10:02 pm
DarkChyldesKiss Site Admin
Joined: 29 Mar 2005
Posts: 3381
Location: Inner Sanctum
You've had some life changes since last time you were here. I know one thing, you are a very strong woman who will always come through whatever life puts in front of you.
For any of the things you need a ear to listen or shoulder to cry on, you've got your friends here. We'll walk with you through your journey.
Joined: 02 Jun 2007
Posts: 3419
Location: I come from a land downunder
AZ, so good to have you back in the fold again. Isn't it amazing what a haven this place is, no matter how long we are away and what changedslife puts us thru, all we have to do is walk back thru that door and know we are with friends who will love, support and guide.
You have been thru a lot, no doubt there will be more to come but hey, sit yourself down and just rest a while.
HugZ, MG _________________ Be yourself.............everybody else is taken!
Indeed words sometimes dont fall together to make sense yet i understand all is said. Strength always around no matter what. Its always awesome to know theirs such a place to come to n all seems to makes it way of jus saying its all good i am alive n living, going forth to the next day. Takin a break and seein the next steps I shall do. So I thank you kindly once more. In many words not said yet enough said...
Indeed never forgetting who I am, I know always finding a way to keep on keeping on. Thanks n always god bless...
Az
_________________ *Dont Let Ur Heart Be Troubled*
Mon Nov 02, 2009 2:38 am
SexyKaz
Joined: 28 Jun 2009
Posts: 124
Hi Az,
I'm fairly new here so i dont know you from before.Just wanted to say you have come to the right place.I have been where you are and want you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs (((((((((( Az)))))))))))
Kaz _________________ To write with a broken pencil is pointless!
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