My girlfriend of 3 years told me she was a lesbian (girls only) and she kissed a guy in the first or second year of our relationship. That's one not what bothers me much, but she had sex with a guy in October of last year because she was "overwhelmed from relationship problems"...
I was still getting over that because cheating is a lot more hurtful to me when it's with a guy, and I let her know this, but recently we had been having problems...
Just last week she cheated again with a guy, and claims she doesn't even know his name because she was drunk. To make the situation even stickier, she might have conceived!!
She apologized and swore to me she would never do it again, admitted she might be a "bit" bisexual at times, and told me just this..."I like guys d*cks but not who it's attached to" I let her know it would take time to forgive and that I expected that of her this time and that I would be "Daddy" to the baby if she wanted me to...she was happy...so was I...?
But no it doesn't stop there, there is another guy who told her she was sexy now I overheard one of her friends talking to her about him in a way that insinuates that they have their own little secret about him...I know I'm a jealous person, but I'm not stupid I know when something is up. I really don't want her to cheat on me...again...
I understand she's bi or something but, damn does she understand this is a relationship, and she can't just be going out and cheating and breaking me like that?
Any advice?
~KSLP _________________ Karla {KSLP} & Nic 4eva
Tue May 12, 2009 12:17 pm
MdmPrez
Joined: 16 Oct 2007
Posts: 803
Location: US of A
xoxo
"i'm not stupid" you say. Read what you wrote here. Get rid of her, the sooner the better.
Cat
Tue May 12, 2009 2:02 pm
xoxo_everlastinglove_xoxo
Joined: 28 Sep 2007
Posts: 24
Re: xoxo
quote:Originally posted by MdmPrez:
"i'm not stupid" you say. Read what you wrote here. Get rid of her, the sooner the better.
Cat
You are not the first to tell me that, but I just can't bring myself to it I love her, we're engaged, and yes I used to be terrified of commitment, but now it has grown on me because I have found her, the one...
and this mistreatment has gone both ways (not exactly just the cheating), but I am no saint either you know...sometimes I feel it might be just what I deserve from her. Please don't contradict that because my reasons for saying that might make you feel different. (If you'd like follow my posts and you will see what type of mistreatment I speak of)
~KSLP _________________ Karla {KSLP} & Nic 4eva
Tue May 12, 2009 3:08 pm
MdmPrez
Joined: 16 Oct 2007
Posts: 803
Location: US of A
xoxo
"the best proof of love is trust" is your tag line. How could you possible trust her and, from what you say, how could she trust you. You don't have a relationship in the truest sense of the word. I honestly don't know what to call what you have. AND, to possibly become parents at this point is terrifyling.
Cat
Tue May 12, 2009 3:15 pm
xoxo_everlastinglove_xoxo
Joined: 28 Sep 2007
Posts: 24
I can't imagine leaving her with another broken promise (I'll always be there for you)
I promised never to put my hands on her, and I broke that 3 times over in 3 years, i promised her this last time I would change my ways and the only reason we are still together is because about 10% or less of her heart believes the same words I had always told her after hitting her
The only difference is this time I Believe them too and I know what I have to change...this is my last chance with her and I finally figured myself out...I'm willing to do anything to make it work and not loose her again...
But do you think she will take advantage of me being so willing and putting my all into this? _________________ Karla {KSLP} & Nic 4eva
Tue May 12, 2009 3:31 pm
MdmPrez
Joined: 16 Oct 2007
Posts: 803
Location: US of A
xoxo
So you're a woman beater, huh...I cannot continue this dialogue with you any further. In my opinion, you're a loser. There's nothing worse to me than a man who beats a woman EXCEPT a woman who beats another woman. You're as low as they come.
Grow up and get some help.
Cat
Tue May 12, 2009 6:48 pm
MysteryGirl Moderators
Joined: 02 Jun 2007
Posts: 3419
Location: I come from a land downunder
I'd just like to say that, regardless of what you might have done in the past, what SHE is doing is right now. Havent you ever heard that cautionary little idiom "Once is happenstance, twice is co incidence and three times is enemy action". Get real, this woman is cheating on you .....WITH MEN.....she may or may not be pregnant. Get out of this poisonous relationship while you still have a shred of self respect left. And as someone who has suffered physical violence at another's hands, I'd also comment that nothing, absolutely nothing, justifies this.
Noni _________________ Be yourself.............everybody else is taken!
Tue May 12, 2009 11:36 pm
Dark prism
Joined: 10 Dec 2006
Posts: 865
Location: California Dreamin, baby.
This is quite certainly a dysfunctional relationship, which of course, many are to a different extent. I think your only chance to have this turn out ok, and possibly salvage what you might be able to have is to seek counseling. In three years you still have these issues? Either cut and run, or seek counseling.
And if you are considering bringing an innocent child into this abusive and dishonest relationship, it is a moral imperative to seek help. You guys may feed off of fucking each other up, but it's not fair to do it to a kid. Get help, or get out. If you can hit the woman you love, then in exasperation, you will hit the child you love too. And don't say you never would. I bet you used to say you would never hit the woman you love either.
Even if you leave this relationship, you need help, because it will happen again.
Your poem about hitting your girl left a bad taste in my mouth.
Get help.
Dp _________________ "Fighting for this girl - on the battlefield of love."
Wed May 13, 2009 5:12 am
Kewl
Joined: 17 Aug 2006
Posts: 305
I've been saying this for years Bye to the ' bi'. .. but I digress to say that I believe your post is more reflectional than just your girlfriend having some bisexual tendencies.
I'm not a therapist nor am I trying to be one. I'm dealing with my own stuff through therapeutic care . I hope to offer you some insight.
You say you love your girlfriend.... get help.. now. I don't have any answer for you as to why your girlfriend is sleeping with men, nor do I understand it.. other than to say... maybe it's her way of punishing herself and making herself feel worthless for putting up with the abuse offered to her by the person who claims to love her... you.
I've never allowed myself to get physically abusive. I remember what's it like to have those kinds of hands beating me . But I do know what it's like to be angry. My temper , my intolerance, my impatience , my by-product of my environment has made it difficult for me to distinguish between healthy caring relationships and abusive ones. I've had one of each in regard to sexual relationships. For those that have always seen kindness and gentle ways , they find it hard to comprehend the dialogue of someone who speaks in demonstrative ways. For those that speak and have learned how to communicate by being extremely intense ... it's disastrous , when the only outcome is a struggle to try and achieve an understanding that is ... calm. But that is so hard when it's a language that was taught in formidable years. Pretty fucked up for a 38 year old adult woman to have to go through... but it is what it is and I'm dealing with what I should have dealt with years ago now.
For years now I've been avoiding pain from a long ago past. I figured the more I ignored it and didn't recognize it the less of a chance it could hurt me with memory. How wrong I was. It comes out in ways we can't foresee and is so damn disturbing . The person experiencing this can't make sense of it and the person or person's at the recieving end are thrown a jumbled life long heap of crap that they can't understand either.
It doesn't make for happy times... and it's unfair. I say unfair because none of us should feel as though someone else can fix a disgusting cesspool of vile that not even the ocean is big enough to hold. Only Mother Nature can cleanse and heal the wounds of a soul.
.. I just hope your ashamed .. ashamed of yourself ENOUGH .. to get the help you need and face your demons... but sometimes our biggest demon is the one we face everyday, .. ourselves.
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