Ex admitted that my brother took advantage of her...
Author
Thread
arcane
Joined: 26 Dec 2006
Posts: 22
Location: Philippines
Ex admitted that my brother took advantage of her...
I have this ex...well, actually, we act as if we're still together..you know those kind of situations..
Anyway, that's not really the problem...
Just recently, she confessed to me that my older brother took advantage of her... What happened is a few months ago, she had a drink with my brother and his friends.. It was just a casual get together thing. Being a 'not so sociable person', I didn't join them but I allowed my ex (presently my girlfriend at that time). I actually felt my bad coz she chose to spend her time with them.
Feeling 'neglected', I went upstairs and just do whatever. Every now and then, my girlfriend would go upstairs and talk to me for a while. I can see that she's already drunk but I didn't mind (stupid I know). After a few hours, the drinking session was over. My older brother and my ex were left at kitchen. I didn't know what happened there until she told me. She said that she was so drunk and laid on the sofa for a while. She felt my brother kissed her a few times. She couldn't really remember what else happened.
And then she went upstairs and came to me. I didn't mind her. I was still mad at her. She didn't tell me anything at that time. She forcefully took my hand and drag me to my room. When we got there she laid herself on the bed, totally knocked out from the drink she had. I felt even worse and left her there and went back to the other room but I wasn't there for long coz I can't stand leaving her there.. And when I came back, I saw my brother leaving my room..he looked startled but I didn't mind. And then the next day, my ex asked me if touched her chest that night...and I swear to God that it wasn't me.
I'm so mad at my brother right now. I couldn't even look at him anymore. I wanted to approach him about it but he doesn't know that she was my girlfriend. We're both still in the closet and as of now, we still don't have the guts to come out of it. I don't know what to do. I feel so guilty. I shouldn't have trusted her to my brother..I thought I could trust him.. Sometimes I feel like crying coz I can't do anything to defend her...I wanted to protect her but I don't know how..I wasn't always physically on her side..she was actually more independent and stronger than I am...but still...
I just wanted to take it out of my system..being discreet I really don't have anyone I can really trust..and my ex doesn't want anyone to know about it...but it's hard to just keep it all to myself.. Thanks for those who listened _________________ There are things in life that we do, not because we WANT to, but because we HAVE to..
Mon Feb 16, 2009 1:28 am
nobodysangel
Joined: 15 Jun 2007
Posts: 429
Location: TN
wow
I don't really know what to say or where to begin. Situtations such as this always make my blood boil!!! I'd ask my gf to tell me all she can remember, then confront your brother. He may blood, but that would not matter to me if I thought for a second my brother did something like that. Blood or not, I'd make him sorry... I hope and pray all that happened was just touching, and that's bad enough!! If he took it farhter than that, sweet Jesus..If you ever need to talk just PM me. I've had personal experience with unwanted touching in the worse way. Still hurts to talk about it. You will be in my thougts and prayers.. Hugs!!!! _________________ Riding the single train, and loving every minute!!
Mon Feb 16, 2009 6:39 am
Laurian
Joined: 19 Jan 2009
Posts: 174
Location: Belgium
Hi,
I respect the fact that you are still in the closet but that has nothing to do with what happened.
The fact of the matter is that you have a brother who went to far.
He acted like a predator that took advantage of your ex when she was at her weakest, being intoxicated.
You have mixed feeling and that is normal.
On the one hand you have the love for your girlfriend and on the other hand you have the love for your brother.
But you might want to take a look at this situation from another angle.
By not letting your brother know he can dwell in the illusion that he got away with it.
You can let him know that girls talk about the matters of the heart.
You don't have to share how deep those matters of the heart are.
By simply stating that he went way to far and that you really don't like what he has done to your friend,
you make him aware of the fact that it is in the open.
If he loves you and your opinion about him, that might make him think and rethink about what he did.
I honestly can not tell you to keep it inside.
For one, it is eating at your heart.
Your ex must feel awful about what happened and the uncertainty of how far it went and the general feeling of being taken advantage off.
But your brother needs to know that these things are NOT done to women!
Of course... it is so easy for me to type all this.
You have to be in the middle of all the turmoil ..
I hope you 'll manage to find your way through this mess!!
Here is hoping for you ...
Laurian
Mon Feb 16, 2009 2:31 pm
arcane
Joined: 26 Dec 2006
Posts: 22
Location: Philippines
thanks for the response ladies..I really appreciate it. *hugs*
I haven't confronted my brother about it yet..I don't even know how, knowing that we're not really open to each other..and we're not really close at all. Right now what I feel for him is hatred..just thinking about him makes my blood boil..and it's bad enough that we live in the same house
I'm not talking to him at present. I don't even want to look at him anymore.. I really wanted to hit him straight on the face..not only did he stepped on my ex's dignity, but he had also ruined the trust I had given him..I thought my ex would be safe with him being around..but I was wrong..very wrong..
As much as I wanted to confront my brother...I can't... I promised my ex that I wouldn't...And I intend to keep and respect her privacy.. I know she'd blame herself if me and my brother got into a huge fight.. And I don't want her to feel that way..she's already gone through a lot...She really feel like she doesn't deserve to be respected at all...it makes me sad every time I remember her trying to stop her tears while she told me about it..
All I can do now is be there for her..and let her feel how much I still love her and respect her the way she is.. _________________ There are things in life that we do, not because we WANT to, but because we HAVE to..
Tue Feb 17, 2009 1:54 pm
Dark prism
Joined: 10 Dec 2006
Posts: 865
Location: California Dreamin, baby.
There is one other thing to consider here, arcane. The future.
I'm sure you think you can protect your girlfriend from your brother from now on, and I sure hope that is true, but do you think he will never be in this position again? At a party? With other women? Maybe he already has. How many other women has he done this to, and how many of them stayed silent? If they hadn't stayed silent, this wouldn't have happened to your girlfriend. At least if it is brought out in the open, he might think twice about doing it next time, especially if this really was the first (and second) time.
I think alot of women get so upset and mired down with what is happening right now to them that they don't think about how their actions now will affect the next victim, or even prevent the next victim. And if you think he will never do it again, you're wrong. He got away with it---why wouldn't he do it again?
Good luck.
Dp _________________ "Fighting for this girl - on the battlefield of love."
Tue Feb 17, 2009 2:20 pm
arcane
Joined: 26 Dec 2006
Posts: 22
Location: Philippines
Ladies..thank you all for your responses. I appreciate it a lot. I haven't gotten over it yet..And there's still this hate that I feel with my brother...and NO I haven't confronted him about it yet...I feel sorry for myself for not having enough guts to approach him...I feel like I can't even defend her from him..But my brother isn't that monstrous anyway..he still cares for me which is one more reason why I just can't seem to tell him...it's really making me..well..depress I guess..
I don't want to open this topic again to my ex...I didn't want her to be reminded of what happened...I have to respect her...that's the least I can do.. _________________ There are things in life that we do, not because we WANT to, but because we HAVE to..
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum
Gallery
FAQ
Profile PM's 
Sometimes I feel like crying coz I can't do anything to defend her...I wanted to protect her but I don't know how..I wasn't always physically on her side..she was actually more independent and stronger than I am...but still... 
