i'm not out to my familly
but i can't be silent any more
i need to tell them but i'm so scared
scared that it will destroy them
scared of my mom
but if i remain silent i'll blow up so i decided to do it today
but i'm scared
Thu Jan 29, 2009 12:49 pm
MysteryGirl Moderators
Joined: 02 Jun 2007
Posts: 3419
Location: I come from a land downunder
Hi Jezzie
Looking at the date you joined up here at Mels, It's obvious that you have been dealing with this for quite some years in one form or the other. Just remember that it MAY just come as a complete surprise to your family, so give them time to adjust, get over the shock. Often people's initial reactions can be quite different to what they later come to feel. Or maybe, they might just smile and say "what took you so long?"
Whatever the outcome, you have friends here to talk to, so please tell us how things turn out.
HugZ, Noni _________________ Be yourself.............everybody else is taken!
Thu Jan 29, 2009 1:20 pm
Eilidh Moderators
Joined: 09 Apr 2005
Posts: 1880
{{{{{jezzie}}}}}}
Yes, it is scary, but you'll probably feel a lot better once it's over.
Please let us know how it goes. We're cheering for you.
Encouraging hugs,
Eilidh
Thu Jan 29, 2009 5:07 pm
jezzie
Joined: 01 Oct 2004
Posts: 58
i told them. they weren't mad as i expected. it was worse. they are suppertive and all, but in a sense that i'm sick and that i need treatment. they act like i have some disease and that only my strong will can help me not beeing a lesbian. my dad told me that my attraction to girls is a manifect od my lacking of self confidence and that if i continue that way noone will respect me. he also told me that i'm not a fighter and that i'm weak and that i have to decide if i'll continue to be weak or fight against it.
i wish i just moved away from them and never said a word why and where i've gone.
Fri Jan 30, 2009 7:01 am
Eilidh Moderators
Joined: 09 Apr 2005
Posts: 1880
{{{{{Jezzie}}}}}
First off, you are not weak. You stood up to your parents. That takes a LOT of courage.
As for being sick and needing treatment, I think you know how ridiculous that is. They're the ones who need to change their way of thinking.
Do give them some time. You (I imagine) have been thinking about this for quite some time. It is completely new for them and it's only fair to give them some space to think over what you have told them.
In the meantime, we are here for you. If you ever want to talk, I am only a PM away.
~Eilidh
Fri Jan 30, 2009 3:21 pm
Angel1 Moderators
Joined: 09 Mar 2007
Posts: 1518
Location: U.K
((((((((Jezzie)))))))))
being who you are is not a weakness, like Eilidh said,it took a great deal of courage to come out to your parents, you are still their daughter and they should love you no matter what.Be proud dust yourself down and hold your head up high sweetie. We are all here for you if you need a shoulder or to vent.
Hopefully when they have had time to think things over they will be more supportive.
with lots of love
Angel1
_________________ "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience.
We are spiritual beings having a human experience."
-Pierre Teilhard de Chardin (1881-1955)
Mon Feb 02, 2009 1:11 am
Dark prism
Joined: 10 Dec 2006
Posts: 865
Location: California Dreamin, baby.
I believe that in time you will realize that even though this didn't work out the best way it could, you still had to do it. That took alot of strength and guts to do that. It took me 20 years before I could finally tell my parents, and I was so damn afraid of it. I felt so free afterward though. I was finally me. Finally strong enough to just be me, how God made me (and I do believe that). There is a great poem in the poetry section right now that you might want to check out too. I love it. It's in emotional poety, and its by Sanraye and it's called JACK AND JILL. It might help.
You have to look at the bright side. Although your parents are uneducated about this topic, they do still love you and did not turn their back on you. Plenty of parents have reacted like this and then once they found out the truth, they accepted. Not everyone knows everything about everything. This is where you come in---you need to educate them. Do not shrink back in your shell. You have to let them see that you are not ashamed by the way that God created you to love. What you feel and do is not evil and you are not hurting anyone else. You need to get them some literature and whatever information you can to help them learn and understand that this is not wrong, just a little different than the norm, like being left handed.
Yes, they may not read it, but you still have to do it, and you never know, when you aren't looking, they may read that stuff and hopefully they will slowly come to terms with it and learn that all the crap they have heard from other people and had drilled into them, is not the truth.
Hold your ground, hon. You are in the right here. It is not easy, but you need to stay strong because you know that this is not wrong. Love is not wrong. It may just take them a little time to realize that.
PFLAG would be a good place to go for educational materials that you could get for them, I think. I also picked up a book for my mother called 'Different Daughters' that has stories from different mothers in how they handled it and their successes and regrets.
Good luck, sweetie.
Dp _________________ "Fighting for this girl - on the battlefield of love."
Mon Feb 02, 2009 1:54 am
MysteryGirl Moderators
Joined: 02 Jun 2007
Posts: 3419
Location: I come from a land downunder
Jezzie
You have received some positive and encouraging words from these other wise women and I don't think I need to add to them.
What I did want to say was ...........I AM SO PROUD OF YOU GIRL!
and here's a hug ((((((((((((((((((((((((((Jezzie)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
One day at a time hon, keep breathing and keep moving forward.
Noni _________________ Be yourself.............everybody else is taken!
Mon Feb 02, 2009 3:17 am
jezzie
Joined: 01 Oct 2004
Posts: 58
thank you all for your support.
situation is still bad at home. they want me to change no matter what. my mom is deeply religious person and she claims that if i truly knew God that i wouldn't be attractet to girls and misled by satan.
dad dissapointed me. he is highly educated person, but claims that this is my choice in my head and that he belives that all people are bisexual, so i could be with men the same as with women.
he also told me that he is so tired of me because i was different all my life. i will buy them a book "beyond acceptance", maybe they start to think somewhere in the back of their heads that this is not something that i do just to be different and against the world.
and than at the end of conversation he said if i decide to stay like this that i have to move in a bigger city. here everybody will know that i'm lesbian, and there i'd blend in a crowd and noone would notice me.
so.. it looks that i have to start working on leaving.. that means also abandoning familly business.. just hope to be strong enough.
Mon Feb 02, 2009 7:50 am
Dark prism
Joined: 10 Dec 2006
Posts: 865
Location: California Dreamin, baby.
I'm sorry things are so hard for you, Jezzie. I hope your parents come to their senses soon and realize that what is most important is a happy daughter that they have an honest and open relationship with. Wouldn't that be what was most important to you with your child?
I have heard of some parents reacting very badly at first and then with time and enlightenment, they come around. And of course, we have heard of parents that never do. I hope that isn't the case for yours.
You did what you needed to do, even though you may wonder sometimes. Ultimately, you have to be you. If you read my tagline at the bottom, you will see that although we don't know why you are going through this right now, it will make you stronger and you just never know what positive thing may come out of this that may not have happened if you hadn't done it. We can't see how the pieces fit until they come together
You have been true to yourself, and honest with those you love. I think that's pretty important.
If you need support, and can't get it there, come here. Come into chat, or PM one of us. This place just about saved my life, and it has saved others too, I'm sure of it.
Stay strong, hon.
Dp _________________ "Fighting for this girl - on the battlefield of love."
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