I have a bit of a dilemma. A good friend of mine does not seem as into the friendship as I am anymore. There didn't appear to be a catalyst either. She lives a couple hrs away for school. Last time she came here to visit, we planned on going out. She calls me and tells me that day that she can't b/c she has work she must do. I understand that, but later that night she calls me and tells me that she is coming back from a bar. I am drunk and irritated. She promises me more or less that she really will call me the next day. She calls my other friend that is visiting me who she only knows through me and only talks to whenever they are both in town. She doesn't call me though. I talk to her a couple of days later and she tells me she'll call me later in the week which doesn't happen as I hypothesized. She came to town again and I left her a message saying to give me a call if she wants to hang out. That weekend she hangs out with our mutual best friend but doesn't contact me at all. It's been really bothering me b/c I don't know what's going on and I am afraid if I talk to her about it, it will seem like i'm being dramatic. Any thoughts?
Sun Apr 03, 2005 10:54 pm
Guest
2 options
Friendships are hard sometimes but I feel what you are saying. I have two options for you. If you have been friends for a long time and you want to continue being friends with her, which it sounds like you do then you need to talk to her and let her know how you feel. Her reaction to your questions will help you determine if the friendship is truly ended or if she is just needing some space. If you don't talk to her you will drive yourself nuts trying to figure out whats going on, you can't read her mind.
The other option is to just stop calling her and wait for her to get in touch with you the next time she wants to hang out. If she doesn't you have to be willing to let the friendship do what its going to do. Since she's been away at school she is probably going through some changes and she is rediscovering herself, she may be pushing you out for awhile so that she can redefine herself. Sometimes when we really care about someone we have to be willing to leave them alone for awhile and let them work out whatever they have to work out. In the mean time you can focus on other friendships.
Mon Apr 04, 2005 4:13 pm
lowbrowartfan
Joined: 27 Jan 2005
Posts: 16
Thank you for your advice. She's in grad school, so it's not so much the tumultuous self discovery of undergrad. I do want to talk to her about it but I'm not sure how and I don't want to seem like I am reading too much into it. We also had/have a flirty friendship. She says things sometimes that make me wonder if she's hinting at something or not. She's bi but just got out of a long term relationship with a man and is now dating another. We play a little flirting game which I don't want to end, but I'd rather have our friendship if that's the only thing I can have. I just don't know what to say.
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