Hi all, i haven't visited Mels in a long time, but i thought i wud come here now to get some advice, as i dnt seem to be able to talk to anyone about this.
I have been with my gf for jus over a yr, but for that yr we have been having a semi long distance relationship whilst i was at uni, where we wud see each other at least twice a month. Since we got together it was always the plan for me to move closer to her, so we can be together more. Now that uni is over i have moved to be closer to her, the thing is, she's a Police officer which means she works shifts, and non of those shifts co inside with my shifts at work. I work 9 - 5 wheras she works night shifts, early shifts and afternoon to night shifts. So basically i get to c her once a week for like 2 days. Now she has also asked me to move in with her, at 1st i agreed but now i have said that i dnt want to, coz i will be lonely.
She is never around, she works really unsociable hours, and i'm not sure that i can handle this. It really upsets me as well that i have moved my whole life for her, but yet i hardly see her.
She's not a full police officer but she will be in a years time, which will probably mean it will get worse.
I'm really confused... i don't know what to do. I love her to bits, she is my sole mate. But do i get out now, or do i wait it out for a bit longer.
She's completly unfazed by it, all she keeps saying is that we'll work something out, but we will never work it out, because those are her shifts and they will never change. I wouldn't mind if it was a temporary thing, but the fact is i think she's planning on staying in the police for life now, we're both only 22, but once she sets her mind on something then thats it.
She asked me the other day what i'm doing in a relationship with a police officer, when i have a dislike of police, and her shifts? and i have got to wondering myself, what am i doing?
Has any1 else been in this sort of relationship? I''m really struggling here, i dont kno what to do. _________________ people is people...love is love
Mon Oct 06, 2008 11:06 pm
aussiechick
Joined: 20 Jul 2006
Posts: 93
Location: Australia
hey honey
I am in a similar situation I work mon to fri 9 to 5 as a vet nurse and my girlfriend is a night owl as a D.J & bar tender when we were just dating and lived apart it was so hard but after I moved in it made it easier on week days she is home around 12 so I spend about an hour with her then also she makes the effort to get up and eat breakfast with me before I go to work also I take half days to spend time with her. On the weekends I go see her at work and come home with her, we don’t get to spend as much time with each other as I would like but I have started to do more stuff with my friends also I have done a few night courses so my life doesn’t revolve around waiting for her to come home.
I know in your case you gfriends job is more serious and you cant just show up on her break etc but I doubt she will have these kind of hours forever a relative of mine is a cop and he got all the crappy shifts when he was a newbie but after a few years his hours seemed to get a bit more sociable so there is probably hope there.
You have to work really hard though in this kind of relationship so you have to make up your mind if the relationship is worth it I know mine is and we have used the problems to make us stronger and closer but if your relationship isn’t that solid and you cant see yourself being happy maybe you should move on.
All the best, I hope I helped
Laura
Tue Oct 07, 2008 7:40 am
honey0445
Joined: 13 Oct 2007
Posts: 2
Location: lincoln
Hi Laura,
Thanks for replying, it's good to know that some1 else is going through a similar thing. I can't imagine my life without my gf, but i just dont know if i'm strong enough to live like that. I wouldn't even see her for an hr for at least one of the weeks. One of her shifts is 9 at night till 6 in the morning. So she wud leave for work whilst i'm on my way home.
Other than this problem, we are stronger than anything, which also makes me wonder if maybe i should just stick it out and see what happens. It's also annoying me that my gf, doesn't seem to have thought about this fact that we will rarely see each other.
When she becomes a full copper i fear it will get worse. She's considering joining a department where, u shud join if and i quote "u have no other commitments" because it is a very demanding job. I almost flipped when she told me, but i'm trying to say as little as possible to her about my reservations, because i know she's proud of her job, and whenever i do mention anything, she gets really defensive, and just starts a huge arguement.
Do u think i'm being unreasonable? Perhaps i'm being selfish, but i wana feel like i'm in a relationship with some1 and not myself, otherwise is there any point in it?!?
So much is going thru my head right now. _________________ people is people...love is love
Tue Oct 07, 2008 8:40 pm
Cavewoman
Joined: 06 Sep 2005
Posts: 2056
Location: nearby
I work solid midnight... Phyllis works 11A-8P.... true, during our work week we actually spend little time together, a couple hours in the am, and a couple in the pm... but we DID get our days off sychronized... so from 8A Monday to about 9P Wednesday, the world is ours Together....... it works...
if you love her, then you love her, and if she loves you, then she loves you... if those two things are true, then you'll figure out a way to live through this... as was said earlier, i have a cousin who is a police officer, and yep, fresh out of academy, he got the yucky shifts, but after about 3 years, he was able to bid into a much more sociable one.... _________________ " The sorcerers in life are created within each of us" --- Lynn V. Andrews
Tue Oct 07, 2008 11:51 pm
aussiechick
Joined: 20 Jul 2006
Posts: 93
Location: Australia
No I don’t think you are being unreasonable what so ever what gets me through the lonely times is that I know Amanda is missing me just as much as I miss her and she makes sacrifices to spend time with me she will drop a shift here and there call in sick and plan a romantic dinner for us at home stuff like that goes along way.
I wouldn’t like to feel like I wasn’t considered a commitment maybe you are both just at different stages in your life she is 100% focused on work but you need a balance she might not be in the right place to be in a full on relationship. It’s not selfish to want to be happy you should talk to her without things getting heated, or if that isn’t possible write it down like you have here and see how she responds to that
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