I'm sad. I am having so many problems with my ex (that I don't want to be an ex) - everything's gotten so screwed up... We have spent almost the last 3 years together, we live together.. we share everything (finances, etc). We've both done stupid stuff to each other - not necessarily intentional stuff (but stupid none-the-less), and now I am not sure if there's a way to turn back. I love her so much. She is my wonderful, beautiful lady and I am afraid that we've messed everything up so much...
It's just that we both had issues with the other and instead of talking about it like we should have from the beginning - we withdrew from one another. I would try and she was too angry, or she would be trying and I was angry... Then, we were supposed to be trying to work things out without the official title (possibly part of the problem) and she went to a club and slept with someone else.. didn't come home for over 24 hours.. I was so worried, but I never thought.. Now she doesn't know what she wants. I am scared of losing her for good. We both realize what we did in the past and none of it was really even that bad.. just little things - but I guess the little things add up to be pretty big. She doesn't know if she can ever love me like that again.. She can't seem to let go of the anger. I can't say I blame her totally.
We're both a bit emotionally stunted I think. At least I believe I am. I just get angry.. the rest of the emotions I'm not good at. So I started taking an anti-depressant to help alleviate a lot of my side of the problems. It seems to be working so-so. The only problem is that I'm not, nor have I ever really been, depressed. I am manic-depressive, yes - but I am more the semi-high-strung manic type. I have so much going on in my head that I get irratable quickly and lose focus on the stuff that I should be focusing on. So, I'm on the meds.
Anyhow, I am just trying to be strong and cross my fingers and wait. We're sort of 'dating' now. If anyone happens to read this - please keep your fingers crossed for me.. I would appreciate it immensely.
(sorry it's so long..)
*hugs* - Jae
Tue Nov 02, 2004 1:15 am
Tigger Site Admin
Joined: 06 Feb 2004
Posts: 890
Jae
Sorry to hear about your relationship.
We all get in a muddle and get things the wrong way round at times...but thats human nature.....I hope you two are strong enough to work through things and put them right. Three years is a long time to throw away ...I do hope you two get your heads together and sort things out.
We are all here is you need a chat.
Tigs
Tue Nov 02, 2004 11:25 pm
Jae
Joined: 08 Oct 2004
Posts: 188
Location: FL
Thanks Tigs.. I really appreciate it. Some days it's worse than others, you know? I am hoping things work out. She is my world, and even though I won't die or anything without her.. I will definately
not
be happy.. At least not for a while. But I appreciate the support, really. It means alot to me and if you ever need a virtual ear - I'm your girl. In fact, if anyone here needs a virtual ear - I'm pretty good at it.. it gives me something else to think about. ( )
*hugs* - Jae
Wed Nov 03, 2004 3:09 am
Tigger Site Admin
Joined: 06 Feb 2004
Posts: 890
No problems Jae
Glad we can be here for you...its always nice to know there is someone out there that you cann share things with.
Keep your chin up and keep busy....find things to do even if yyou don't feel like it.
Good Luck!
Tigs
Wed Nov 03, 2004 11:18 pm
DanceofSorrows
Joined: 29 Aug 2004
Posts: 2837
((Jae))
No words but hugs hun
Sun Nov 07, 2004 6:27 am
Guest
*clinging to Dance and sobbing* ugh.. this is so crappy. Thank you for the hugs, I needed it. I just wish there was a magic rewind button I could press...
*hugs* - Jae
Mon Nov 08, 2004 4:18 pm
DanceofSorrows
Joined: 29 Aug 2004
Posts: 2837
Aww honey...
Holding you in a ((((warm, safe, accepting hug))). Cry all you want hun, I'm right here.
Dance~
Mon Nov 08, 2004 6:22 pm
djo * Guest
I totally know where you're coming from. I posted a while back about my gf "finding herself" it was close to your situation. It's been 60 days and she's just starting to really talk to me. She too is holding on to the anger. Although in my case there was no infidelity there was definate emotional abandonment.
Have you thought of counseling? I've been going for about a month now, just started with a different counselor. I'm also on anti-deppressents and they do help. I have always been the one person to believe that I could solve everything myself, I was wrong.
As people tell me, patience and if its meant to be she'll come back. crock of doodoo when you're a control freak like me ) Take care of yourself and if you want to cry by golly CRY, beat the pillow, scream, but take care of YOU!!!
Fri Nov 12, 2004 5:51 pm
Jae
Joined: 08 Oct 2004
Posts: 188
Location: FL
dance...
..thank you .. you are the best.. with your hugs I feel a bit better. i appreciate it... you, tullia, dyana, tigs..and everyone else on here (i could continue for awhile) have helped so much and didn't even really have to do anything. just knowing you guys were around made it that much easier to deal with. Everytime i was sad, i got online and chatted it up or replied to posts. so, thank you a thousand times over dear, dear dance for holding me and letting me cry. i'm here too if you ever need anything.. (and thank you mel for having this wonderful site up!!)
*mucho mucho mucho hugs* x million
- Jae
djo -
thank you for your support. i am currently taking zoloft . it is helping a bit. i'm sorry to hear about your girl. mine has to at least talk to me a little as we still live in the same apartment. damn lease! lol. as for therapists, i have this strange anger management problem that flares up when i try to go. not too sure why though..maybe a childhood memory. so i stay away from them, but with friends like these it's almost like having one. they listen, are so supportive, and make you laugh (alot usually). anyhow, i will do my best to take care of me as long as you do the same! thank you again for your support and understanding..
*hugs* - jae
Wed Nov 17, 2004 7:50 pm
HartEnFeu
Joined: 19 Jun 2004
Posts: 103
Location: Florida
Im sorry But ya got us now!
Thu Nov 18, 2004 6:00 am
j Guest
..didn't sign in...
thank you hon..it means a lot.. besides - i've had quite a bit more fun with you all!! lol..
much appreciated girl
*hugs, etc* - jae
Thu Nov 18, 2004 8:02 pm
ashamed
Joined: 24 Jan 2005
Posts: 118
Location: Russia
Jae, hi! so your problem is love...do you want to know what i think? i'll tell you. you should devide past, present and future. it's very important. i feel that people think love is the main thing in their lives...it's not fair for live, as for me. love helps to live, it makes you move in this world. love is a good thing, but you should feel your partner...time doesn't play a big role. time is nothing, it's just days. months and years. you are the main, as a person, your feelings, your thoughts...well, your girlfriend...if you feel that you can be with her for a long time you'll be, you must be. you shouldn't say i love her and that's all. there are three tipes of relationships between people. they are: i want to be with her and i'm with her; i don't want to be with her and i'm not with her and the last i want to be with her but i can't. remeber it. be happy, make your partner happy (this is more important)
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*hugs* - Jae 
) Take care of yourself and if you want to cry by golly CRY, beat the pillow, scream, but take care of YOU!!!
