I'm new here, first off, and was looking for some advice. I am madly in love with my girlfriend, but we are forced to keep our relationship under wraps as we're both leading double lives. Everyone just thinks we're really close friends. We even made up the codenames (dorky, I know) of Tim and Rae so none of this could possibly be traced.
Anyway, back to the issue, she's had problems with family, so she's currently living at my house (with my family around, mind you). My mom and grandma are always questioning whether we're more than just friends, and the thing that kills me is the look on their face when they ask it. It's like, how could I ever answer any differently than what you want to hear? They look at me like I'm some kind of disgusting creature, not the girl they've raised. It's really demeaning, and I'm really worried they won't speak to me when I tell them. This isn't an issue of whether or not I will, because I intend on marrying the woman I am with, I could never be with anyone else, but more an issue of how to cope with my homophobic family and the repercussions.
Help would be much appreciated.
Rae
Wed Jan 30, 2008 7:05 pm
HurleyGurly
Joined: 11 Oct 2007
Posts: 37
Location: New York
Hey Rae,
Your situation reminds me alot of mine when i was younger. First off I want to tell you that everything WILL work itself out. As uncertain as the future may be, have faith that things will fall into place eventually. Just hang in there and stay strong.
Second of all, as i said earlier i was in a situation extremely similar to yours when i was about 13. My best friend of 8 years also happened to be my girlfriedn and we too had to keep our relationship a secret from the rest of the world. Our parents eventually got suspicious and began to ask questions n drill us every day about our 'friendship'-- they also made it very clear to us that if we were infact gay and having a relationship, that we should just pack our bags and leave right there... obviously being so young we knew that wasnt an option, so we did our best to continue to hide until were about 16 and things eventually fell apart for us. We just couldn't handle it anymore, the constant questions, the interrogations, it was no way to live so we mustered up all of our strength and said goodbye to one another. one of the hardest day of my life. A year later my family found out about my sexuality and basically threw a fit, i had to leave the house for a little---while things settled down... my whole family was extremely homophobic and was not open to anything that wasn't the 'norm'. I suppose eventually it came down to lose me completely, or learn to deal with the way i led my life.... ultimatley they chose me.
It hasn't been an easy road for my parents and i, but i see changes in them that i never thought i'd ever see. They have become so open and warming that it's incredible. They are immesly accepting of me and my girlfriend. They welcome her in their home, invite to dinner, take her on vacations with us. It's a complete 360 from six years ago.
So don't give up on your family just yet. It's an adjustment-- and hopefully in time, through healing- they will be able to see that you are happy and love you for that. Just keep the faith, in the end thats the only thing that got me through.
I wish you the best of luck and if you need anyhting- let me know. I hope i helped. i apologize for the length
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