Confused,
Hey hun I have been in your shoes just as all of these other women,I think that it is wonderful you came to Mels and asked for help...but in the end you have to figure yourself out.I was in love with a man for 3 yrs...we got ingaged to young.The first time we ever had sex,there was nothing there...I don't mean I didn't get off,I mean I was just not even affected and I never wanted to do it again.This of course caused a problem in our relationship.I found myself giving in to him and then staring at the porn on his walls...I knew something was wrong.The biggest problem was I felt know connection to him,I was just desperate for someone to love me and he was the first to say he did and I thought that was love.I was questioning everything my religion,sexuality,children,all of it.I was terriffied to think those truth or dare games I had played with my girlfriends as a child weren't just games for me.
Ultimately we are humans,we are all flawed in many ways.We all have this yearning for love and the ability to fall in love.Love is love and I agree with dance don't look at it right now as "I'm bi,lesbian or straight."Let only yourself define who you are.I want to say one more thing to you,being gay or straight is not only about sex...it is about connection,loving in the deepest way we can,feeling complete in our relationship and that I am unable to feel with a man.Hun you need to do some soul searching and know that when you find yourself,no matter what anyone says,you are going to be fine.Find who you are and run with it...I hope I have helped in atleast a small way.If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here...
Hugs,
Michelle
Mon Feb 07, 2005 1:38 am
Ready2bme
Joined: 07 Feb 2005
Posts: 50
Location: Detroit, MI
Hi Confussed,
I'm in the same boat as you. I'm 22, and just recently decided that all signs are pointing to me being a lesbian. It all started with me falling deep in love with my best friend at the age of 13. I kept it a secret all through High School and even to this day. Our friendship has and always will be extremely intense with emotions. When high school ended I made the decision to go away to collge and leave my life behind me. My feelings for my friend were at a high and I knew that my heart would continue to break until I gave myself time away from her, time to heal. 10 years later, I'm happy to say that we are still best friends. However, now that I am in the beginning stages of "coming out", she is someone I will have a very difficult time explaining it to.
Anyway, i shoudl have taken my feelings for her as a big "hello! Your gay" sign, but I really needed more proof than that. College opened my eyes to many more depths. I fell in love all ovr again with one of my roommates and feelings were mutual this time. Unfortunately, she was raised in a strict Greek family, with a paster as a father. There was no way she would ever "dissapoint" her family and with that, she did everything in her power to change her feelings for me. Of course my herat was broken once again.
I just recently graduated from college, still confused and still hiding the most meaningful moments of my life from everyone I knew. The secret just ate away at me. Bottom line, what I was confused about was no longer what my sexuality was, but would I be able to face the rest of the world with this new me? Would all of my frienfships be changed, judgements be blocking my walk way, and would i lose the respect I worked so hard to achieve form everyone? The answer to that is Yes, no maybe so. But I felt that it was worth it. So I came out to my family just months ago. And I'm working up the courage to face my friends. Labels are driving me crazy because all i know is that I'm attracted to both genders, but I find more intellectual, emotional, and physical fullfillment with women. I fall in love with Women. So call me what you want...
My advice, follow your heart and tune out what everyone else might think about your sexuality. I knew since i was 13 that I was different. It freaked me out and I hide it with all my might. Even now I get uncomfortable with the idea, but its who I am! You know in your heart whats going on, be as true as possible to that and happiness will follow.... _________________ I'd rather be hated for who I am then loved for what I am not!
Mon Feb 07, 2005 10:06 pm
uniqness
Joined: 08 Feb 2005
Posts: 1
Location: the BX!
questionable
I don't think ur confused or gay(yet). I think ur just very curious. I believe that all women are questionable, straight girls included? Who hasn't found another woman attractive before. I say try it out. Find an experienced lesbian(so u get it done right), someone who doesn;t mind having a fling. I have alot of friends who have had the same questions. My advice to u is, "ain't nuthin to it, but to do it!" U'll always wonder until u actually try. Release the Beast _________________ Young, Fresh and Clean
From the Dreds to my Jeans
UniqNiq will soon reign su-preme
Tue Feb 08, 2005 2:07 am
confused22
Joined: 28 Jan 2005
Posts: 36
quote:Originally posted by Ready2bme:
Hi Confussed,
I'm in the same boat as you. I'm 22, and just recently decided that all signs are pointing to me being a lesbian. It all started with me falling deep in love with my best friend at the age of 13. I kept it a secret all through High School and even to this day. Our friendship has and always will be extremely intense with emotions. When high school ended I made the decision to go away to collge and leave my life behind me. My feelings for my friend were at a high and I knew that my heart would continue to break until I gave myself time away from her, time to heal. 10 years later, I'm happy to say that we are still best friends. However, now that I am in the beginning stages of "coming out", she is someone I will have a very difficult time explaining it to.
Anyway, i shoudl have taken my feelings for her as a big "hello! Your gay" sign, but I really needed more proof than that. College opened my eyes to many more depths. I fell in love all ovr again with one of my roommates and feelings were mutual this time. Unfortunately, she was raised in a strict Greek family, with a paster as a father. There was no way she would ever "dissapoint" her family and with that, she did everything in her power to change her feelings for me. Of course my herat was broken once again.
I just recently graduated from college, still confused and still hiding the most meaningful moments of my life from everyone I knew. The secret just ate away at me. Bottom line, what I was confused about was no longer what my sexuality was, but would I be able to face the rest of the world with this new me? Would all of my frienfships be changed, judgements be blocking my walk way, and would i lose the respect I worked so hard to achieve form everyone? The answer to that is Yes, no maybe so. But I felt that it was worth it. So I came out to my family just months ago. And I'm working up the courage to face my friends. Labels are driving me crazy because all i know is that I'm attracted to both genders, but I find more intellectual, emotional, and physical fullfillment with women. I fall in love with Women. So call me what you want...
My advice, follow your heart and tune out what everyone else might think about your sexuality. I knew since i was 13 that I was different. It freaked me out and I hide it with all my might. Even now I get uncomfortable with the idea, but its who I am! You know in your heart whats going on, be as true as possible to that and happiness will follow....
wow. we sound very much alike.
although I'm not sure I'm "gay", like I said....I still am attracted to men a great deal, so it's possibly I'm "bi" if that even exists, but I don't want to try and label anything right now.
do you think you will ever tell your friend about how you have felt? do you still have those feelings for her?
Tue Feb 08, 2005 7:01 pm
Ready2bme
Joined: 07 Feb 2005
Posts: 50
Location: Detroit, MI
Confused,
Do i think I'll ever tell her how I felt, feel? Well, its complicated. My feelings for her are no longer what they were before i went away to college. I have a feeling that she was aware of how i felt back then, simply because it's kind of hard to hide such strong feelings, but I did my best. Sophmore year of college I actually had an experience with her, sexually, because she wanted to. With out sounding like a freak, Ill just say that it was more of her boyfriends idea...lol Anyways, after that all happened i knew that my feelings were no longer the same.
A little over a year ago, her boyfriend of 4 years "tried" cheating on her with me and it caused a lot of problems. I came running to her with the truth and she didn't know who to believe. She was so in love with this guy! He turned out to be the biggest jerk in the world because not only did he try to cheat with her with his Gf's best friend, but then he denied it, and accused me of being a lesbian that was in love with her and trying to break them up. You can imagine how devasting that was, especially since there was a time when i did feel that way and it took everything ounce of energy to change my feelings for her. Long story short...they broke up and things became awkward with us for a short time. We got through it and everything is great now. But with all that being said, coming to her with the truth of my sexuality will be extremely confusing and it will probably bring back bad feelings.
I think about telling her all the time, but its hard and I dont know where to start. _________________ I'd rather be hated for who I am then loved for what I am not!
Tue Feb 08, 2005 8:31 pm
confused22
Joined: 28 Jan 2005
Posts: 36
interesting.
I'm 90% certain my friend has no idea. I do the usual hooking up with guys here and there, we talk about guys, etc etc. But, the year I met her, our freshman year of college....there was some sort of underlying weirdness between us. I don't know if it was sexual tension or not, but SOMEthing was there. we used to spend evvvery day together, we used to take naps together in the same twin bed all the time, we used to give each other backrubs once in awhile....but it was never really sexual....and I tried not to make it that way because I didn't want her to know how I felt.
but things are not the same as they were freshman year in college, but I definitely feel very strongly for this person, she means the world to me, and I think about her everyday, even though we don't liev ein the same area anymore, but i still see her about every 2 months or so.
but really, I dont think I will ever tell how I feel. it's just too weird, since I'm certain she is 100% straight. and her father passed away when she was only 2, and has been trying to fill that void of a missing man in her life since. women are not for her.
i've had little crushes on other girls here and there, but nothing like her. there have aalso been guys i've been sexual with in that time as well, but I still think about her.
honestly, i wish i could jsut get over it. it drives me crazy!
Tue Feb 08, 2005 9:49 pm
Ready2bme
Joined: 07 Feb 2005
Posts: 50
Location: Detroit, MI
Confused,
I really know how hard a situation like this is. Especially when it involves feelings for someone that you can't openly talk about with other people in your life. At least in my case, i couldnt talk about it. I didn't want her to know how i felt nor anyone else for that matter. So i kept it bottled up inside and it made me so depressed for a while. Simply because my caged feelings for her were prohibiting me from developing any true feelings for anyone else. My boyfriend at the time felt as if i cared about Rani(my best friend) more then him. And the truth was that I was in love with Rani, which made loving him come second. It was very hard. In the end i realized that it took love, space and a lot of time to shift gears into another state of emotional being. If you ever need anyone to talk to don't hesitate... _________________ I'd rather be hated for who I am then loved for what I am not!
Wed Feb 09, 2005 1:42 am
confused22
Joined: 28 Jan 2005
Posts: 36
I might just take you up on that sometime
how did you get a big avatar by the way?
Wed Feb 09, 2005 2:39 am
Ready2bme
Joined: 07 Feb 2005
Posts: 50
Location: Detroit, MI
This picture of Madonna was just mixed in with the other photos of women to select from. I didn't realize that it would appear so large. I kind of like it that way tho... _________________ I'd rather be hated for who I am then loved for what I am not!
Wed Feb 09, 2005 2:59 am
confused22
Joined: 28 Jan 2005
Posts: 36
got it. missed all those choices before. this Jenny pic is fun
Wed Feb 09, 2005 3:26 am
Ready2bme
Joined: 07 Feb 2005
Posts: 50
Location: Detroit, MI
Jenny M. is so funny! I used to love her when I was younger and she was on singled out. She wrote this autobiography back in the day that I bought and read it a million times. So funny! I was so close to picking that photo, but then I saw Madonna and shes my girl... _________________ I'd rather be hated for who I am then loved for what I am not!
Wed Feb 09, 2005 10:04 pm
confused22
Joined: 28 Jan 2005
Posts: 36
my current obsession is probably Lindsay Lohan - even though I'm usually a blonde kind of girl
Wed Feb 09, 2005 11:26 pm
Ready2bme
Joined: 07 Feb 2005
Posts: 50
Location: Detroit, MI
Blonde's are fun! I find brunette's sexier though. I'm naturally brunette, but I've been blonde most of my life and I'm thinking I had more fun blonde.... Angelina Jolie is my obsession... _________________ I'd rather be hated for who I am then loved for what I am not!
Thu Feb 10, 2005 12:32 am
confused22
Joined: 28 Jan 2005
Posts: 36
well I mean, who doesn't wanna have sex with Jolie? even all my straight friends admit that!
Thu Feb 10, 2005 12:52 am
Ready2bme
Joined: 07 Feb 2005
Posts: 50
Location: Detroit, MI
Ok Fine, you have a point...
Go ahead, rain on my parade.. _________________ I'd rather be hated for who I am then loved for what I am not!
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